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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

would you have your wedding on your birthday as a twin?

369 replies

Zipliner · 24/06/2019 08:11

my fiancé suggested that we have our wedding on my birthday and i am excited over this...
but my twin feels its unfair as our birthday would no longer take prominence within the family
if you were a twin would you consider this or should i just give this idea up?

OP posts:
Banhaha · 24/06/2019 18:45

Why would your twin want to spend her 40th birthday with you as centre of attention? YABU

Lweji · 24/06/2019 18:51

@Thurmanmurman

But why would a twin want to book her wedding on her sister's birthday just because.
Isn't she a dick too? More so.

KilledByHerOwnCardigan · 24/06/2019 18:52

Don't do it. Not only does it take something away from your twin, it means the rest of your life, he'll be taking you away from your twin on your mutual birthday (surely that's not his intent?)--while getting you just one gift! Not to mention, if things go south, every birthday you get reminded of him.

Pick another date at least a month off from your birthday.

Tuktuktaker · 24/06/2019 20:43

Zipliner, congratulations on your wedding and on your decision not to upset your twin. Flowers Plus, just think, an extra celebration just for you and your husband, in years to come! Enjoy!

mydogisthebest · 24/06/2019 22:02

I find it odd that a grown woman wants to celebrate her 40th birthday is some big way.

I celebrate my birthday with DH. He takes the day off work (when I worked so did I) and we go out for the day or sometimes go away for a night or two. We don't celebrate with other members of the family.

I think it's a lovely idea to get married on your birthday. As I said, I wanted to. I don't feel like it would be missing out on a celebration but having double the celebration on one day.

I can't believe some posters are saying if you split up you will think about your birthday differently. Who gets married thinking they may split up?

Our wedding anniversary is only 2 days before my birthday so I would still be sad every year in that scenario. Just as well that we both took our wedding vows seriously isn't it?

user9777893121 · 24/06/2019 22:07

Why would you want to get married on your birthday? Weird! If birthdays are important, can't you get married on your husband's birthday?

You have a choice over your wedding date. Your sister has no choice on the date of her birthday! Or that she'd has to share it with you!!

stayathomer · 24/06/2019 22:16

I'm so sorry but never ever do this!!! I share a birthday with another family member and we've had a clash twice so far with mil giving me a look when I said I might be away when they were having a party for the family member. Every year we have a discussion that has to cover the month of the birthday in relation to the weekends and much as i get on with them, at times I want to say, sorry I'm taking dh and the kids and we're going to one of my relatives because it's my bloody birthday too!!( stomps feet and throws furnitureGrin)

Birdsonginthetrees · 24/06/2019 22:31

Haven't RFT but this sounds like a bad idea.

When it's your 40ths or 50ths or 60ths it'll also be your wedding anniversary and it'll be annoying to have them on the same day.

It also means fewer celebrations for you - if your wedding anniversary and birthday are on different dates thats two dates you can celebrate!

mydogisthebest · 25/06/2019 08:48

Is the twin going to have parties for 40th, 50th 60th etc? I don't think I know anyone who had parties for any of those birthdays but they do all celebrate their birthdays.

As I said, I wanted my birthday and anniversary to be the same day. I think it is a lovely idea.

greatvengeanceandfuriousanger · 25/06/2019 08:51

Yanbu

I'm a twin so am used to sharing our birthday and have never had a day to myself. I also got married on another siblings birthday. It's totally fine because the big numbers don't collide. Also I love my sister and it's easy to spoil her on her bday and enjoy a meal out with DH. As a twin I already celebrate my birthday and spoil my DB, it's perfectly easy to do both, days aren't ringfenced. I love birthdays and have a big one this year. It's my niece's bday too so we will be having a party and celebrating her birthday too.

The only prominence my birthday has is between my family (DH and DC).

greatvengeanceandfuriousanger · 25/06/2019 08:52

Oops I'm not used to the voting thing and pleased the wrong button YANBU, have your wedding when it suits you.

MulticolourMophead · 25/06/2019 09:12

greatvengeanceandfuriousanger OP's twin said she didn't want the wedding on the same day as their 40th birthday. You might not mind but she does.

BobTheDuvet · 25/06/2019 09:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

homeishere · 25/06/2019 09:42

Your husband-to-be sounds controlling. Straight out of the coercive control playbook.

He’ll exert pressure on you to celebrate your anniversary instead of doing joint birthday things with your twin in the future.

It’d have me doubting the whole thing tbh.

Sakura7 · 25/06/2019 09:55

homeishere

I don't think it's fair to jump to that conclusion based on that one piece of information. It's possible he's controlling, but it's more likely he just made a thoughtless suggestion.

cccameron · 25/06/2019 10:19

I find it odd that a grown woman wants to celebrate her 40th birthday is some big way

Incredibly odd not to celebrate. Usual is party and/or weekend away. Night out with all your friends at the very least.

saraclara · 25/06/2019 10:41

My 40th passed without incident, but most of my friends had big parties or did something special with their family or other half. It's absolutely normal.

To be honest, I never saw the Big Birthday thing myself, until my colleagues and family surprised me with a big celebration of my 60th. And it was absolutely lovely. I realised what I might have been missing out on at 40 and 50!!

Ivestoppedreadingthenews · 25/06/2019 10:42

No. That’s thoughtless and unnecessary

Ihatehashtags · 25/06/2019 10:44

I can’t believe this is even a question! Have your wedding in whaodaay you like.

mydogisthebest · 25/06/2019 14:51

None of my friends or family had parties for their 40th, 50th or even 60th. They all just had celebrations with their partner and children (well the ones that have children).

I would absolutely hate a party for my birthday.

bordellosboheme · 25/06/2019 14:53

Please don't....

ShatnersWig · 25/06/2019 14:56

Who gets married thinking they may split up?

As half of all marriages end in divorce, perhaps more people should. That's why I never understand people spending so much money on a big party when there's a 50% chance they won't be together in 10 years and they will be in financial difficulty as a result.

Sorry, I'm a cynic. But when you see what so many MNetters go through because of a marriage split, you can see why more people would like pre-nups to have proper legal weight in this country.

mydogisthebest · 25/06/2019 16:22

ShatnersWig, I think it would be very sad if couples went into marriage already thinking it may not last.

To my knowledge I only know one couple who did and, surprise, they ended up divorced.

There is practically no divorce in my family. Parents, siblings, aunts and uncles, cousins all on first marriages and the shortest marriage already lasting 29 years.

One cousin is divorced but that is because he wanted children but she didn't and they apparently did not discuss it before getting married

cccameron · 25/06/2019 18:16

None of my friends or family had parties for their 40th, 50th or even 60th. They all just had celebrations with their partner and children

You must have an incredibly dour set of friends and family.

werideatdawn · 25/06/2019 18:44

Ok its just a birthday but you actually seem like you want to upset her by doing this and that's ugly. You can pick any other day of the year but you chose that one because it will make a point. Glad I'm not your twin.

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