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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

would you have your wedding on your birthday as a twin?

369 replies

Zipliner · 24/06/2019 08:11

my fiancé suggested that we have our wedding on my birthday and i am excited over this...
but my twin feels its unfair as our birthday would no longer take prominence within the family
if you were a twin would you consider this or should i just give this idea up?

OP posts:
PippiDeLena · 24/06/2019 12:25

You can branch out by choosing not to have a joint 40th celebration with your sister. Don't plan a huge party that's all about you for that day instead. You are taking something away from her.

Lweji · 24/06/2019 12:26

Have you already set the date and booked things? Hmm

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 24/06/2019 12:26

getting married on my birthday would mean that im branching out on my own and also i suggested we celebrate 41st because we had 3 major birthdays celebrations before

I really don't understand your logic. If you get married on your birthday it will still also be your sisters birthday. Are you expecting her to come to the wedding and people not to mention it's her birthday? Surely if you want to branch out then you choose any other random day so that the day chosen is significant because it is just your wedding day.

I also don't understand the 41st birthday suggestion, are you saying you don't think she should have a party for her 40th because you have already had parties for your 18th 21st and 30th? Surely she could have her own party and you could have one for yourself you don't have to share a party when you are 40??

Glittertwins · 24/06/2019 12:27

The wedding was on the groom's birthday and yet again, the marriage didn't last. I know nobody goes into marriage expecting it to fail but I wouldn't want a reminder of the anniversary on my birthday

SherlockSays · 24/06/2019 12:27

You sound like a spoiled child.. you asked if you were being unreasonable (and you definitely are) but now you clearly don't accept that.

Pick another day. All this because of a 'suggestion' from your DF? What else is he trying to control?

AnthonyCrowley · 24/06/2019 12:28

I was going to say I thought your twin was being silly until I saw it's your 40th.

If I was your twin and you went ahead I'd probably not come to your wedding because I'd be busy celebrating my 40th.

Tuktuktaker · 24/06/2019 12:28

I think Sakura7 is right when they say this in reply to your saying you want to branch out:

"I don't get the logic here. Surely picking another date is branching out, as it's special to you and DH and has nothing to do with your twin?

It seems you feel that in order to branch out you have to take something away from your sister. You are stealing her 40th birthday away from her and making it all about you."

At this point, I am having trouble believing you are both going to be 40 and not 14. Seriously,

boobirdblue · 24/06/2019 12:29

AIBU ........ 99% say you are, but you can't hear that!

SherlockSays · 24/06/2019 12:29

If I was your sister I'd plan something for the same day and not go to your wedding. If you're really prepared to do damage to someone who's literally been by your side for 40 years then she's better off without you.

Damntheman · 24/06/2019 12:30

*If you want to branch out then pick a date that means nothing to do with your sister. So the date you and DF met, the date you got engaged, the date you first went to a party without your twin.

Choosing your birthday is the opposite to branching out. It’s adding your husband to your birthday*

This, so much this!

OP the vote button is making you feel shitty because what you're contemplating doing to your twin is super shitty. Please don't do it. Would you really want to hurt your twin this much?

saraclara · 24/06/2019 12:31

You're doing the oppposite of branching out. You're choosing a date that you and your twin share, for your wedding. That's tying your wedding TO HER, not away from her.

This is bizarre. I really hope you haven't booked already, because it's a pretty shitty thing to do to her. You don't get to dictate that she celebrates a year late, FFS.
And I'm speaking as someone who doesn't even care about my own birthday and doesn't really celebrate it.

saraclara · 24/06/2019 12:32

Those of you who vote YANBU initially, before you read the whole thread, you can change your vote, apparently.

Lweji · 24/06/2019 12:32

You'd also forbid your sister from celebrating her birthday within your wedding not to see your thunder, wouldn't you?

Would you have your birthday cake on the day? Or would you not mention your own birthday?

Just don't be that person. People won't say anything, but your guests and family will think the same as pps on this thread.

fargo123 · 24/06/2019 12:38

With each update yo sound more and more selfish and spiteful.

It comes across as being mad at your sister for having the 'gall' to be your twin and thus sharing your birthday and everything else that comes with it. Trying to shut her out of her own birthday is unbelievable.

ReadMyLipss · 24/06/2019 12:38

It seems you feel that in order to branch out you have to take something away from your sister. You are stealing her 40th birthday away from her and making it all about you.

I agree with this completely.

I think it's very unkind of you to try on purpose to make your and your twin's birthday all about you.

GaryWilmottsTeeth · 24/06/2019 12:39

I'm a twin and I would never ever consider this, especially if its a big birthday. I love that our birthday is for us, I'd never want to change that and I certainly wouldn't be expecting family to choose between parties. and given that your twin has said no, I can't believe you'd continue to think about this.

GotToGoMyOwnWay · 24/06/2019 12:41

Well if I was your sister I probably wouldn’t want anything to do with you again. You clearly aren’t listening. You’re behaving like a bitch. I sincerely hope someone in your family other than your sister tells you to your face what you are doing is spiteful & unfair.

Your stbdh - I reckon the know exactly what he was doing when he suggested the date. Don’t alienate your sister. He’s already tried to do that. You’ll need your sister when/if your eyes to your stbdh are ever opened.

AryaStarkWolf · 24/06/2019 12:41

@saraclara Oh thank you, i didn't know that, just changed my vote

ShootingStar84 · 24/06/2019 12:41

We got married the day before my husband's birthday and he's a twin. The wedding took up the majority of celebrations that year but my BIL didn't mind.

But given that it is a milestone birthday and your twin has already expressed she is not happy, YABU. Choose a different day.

Kanga83 · 24/06/2019 12:42

I wouldn't and would suspect it's just so he can remember future anniversaries (but I'm an old cynic). I can see your twins p.o.v on this.

lyralalala · 24/06/2019 12:45

Also as the mother of twins I’d be concerned at your fiancé suggesting this, especially as you are obviously have an issue about being a twin.

Encouraging you to do something that will upset your twin is not encouraging you to branch out, it’s causing a wedge between you and your sister (and likely between you and your family).

You come from a family that celebrates anniversaries you said, you are basically proposing to hijack your sister’s birthday every year. Not only will she never have her own birthday because it’s shared with you, but now she’ll have to share it with your wedding.

elasticfantastic · 24/06/2019 12:47

You're feeling shitty because in your gut you know it's a shitty thing to do.

MrsCollinssettled · 24/06/2019 12:52

It's not branching out it's shitting all over your twin. Get married on your fiance's birthday. He can't forget and you only have 1 present to organise (which is why I suspect he wants to marry on your birthday).

If you persist with being this awful you may find the family will attend her 40th party rather than your wedding.

GotToGoMyOwnWay · 24/06/2019 12:56

Op AIBU - yes

Op - no I’m not - has strop!

MrsCollinssettled · 24/06/2019 12:59

Why do I get the feeling you've already booked it and have no intention of giving your twin a role as further proof of branching out?