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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

would you have your wedding on your birthday as a twin?

369 replies

Zipliner · 24/06/2019 08:11

my fiancé suggested that we have our wedding on my birthday and i am excited over this...
but my twin feels its unfair as our birthday would no longer take prominence within the family
if you were a twin would you consider this or should i just give this idea up?

OP posts:
LastChanceFinalOffer · 24/06/2019 12:59

i regeret switching the vote button as its making me feel shitty
You don't need mn to tell you you are being shitty, I suspect you knew this already. I'm surprised your family haven't pointed it out to you already. It's even shittier now because you have admitted you are planning to do it deliberately. How will you feel if guests are celebrating your sister's equally significant birthday at your wedding? If you want your wedding to be about you and your DP, get married on a different day.

Original poster
Zipliner · 24/06/2019 12:59

we havent booked anything

OP posts:
TheInvestigator · 24/06/2019 13:01

If you did this and I was a family member, I would arrange for a 40th birthday cake to be presented to both you and your sister and have everyone sing happy birthday. You'd still get the attention, but so would she.

elasticfantastic · 24/06/2019 13:02

Well as you haven't booked it yet that's good news. Drama avoided. Book another date Smile

Squigglesworth · 24/06/2019 13:04

Sorry, but that does seem selfish. I don't think I'd do that...

Limpshade · 24/06/2019 13:04

If "branching out" is your sole intention, I am not sure how you're going to achieve that anyway. I am really, really not a "birthday person", honest!, but I still wouldn't do this.

There are 365 days in a year, roughly 52 Saturdays (if you want a Saturday) and roughly 12 Saturdays in a summer (if you want to get married in the summer) - plenty of dates to choose from that aren't a special family birthday!

GotToGoMyOwnWay · 24/06/2019 13:04

Just book another date then & stop being spiteful.

elasticfantastic · 24/06/2019 13:06

@TheInvestigator could the sister also invite all her friends to the reception then given that it's now apparently her birthday party too?! Shouldn't the sister be entitled to not be forced into sharing her birthday with new brother in law and all his family and friends who she likely doesn't know? The fact is the fiancé is BU suggesting it in the first place and the OP should have shut it down right then and there.

Ohyesiam · 24/06/2019 13:06

Why would you?

PippiDeLena · 24/06/2019 13:06

If you are annoyed that you've had to share all your special occasions (birthdays, graduations etc.) Then surely that's even more reason to get married on a different day that is solely about you and has no meaning to your twin? Then it's only your day/date and you'll never have to share it (unless your twin gets married on your wedding anniversary!)

needsomesleepy · 24/06/2019 13:07

If you did this and I was a family member, I would arrange for a 40th birthday cake to be presented to both you and your sister and have everyone sing happy birthday. You'd still get the attention, but so would she

Jesus. I had a huge party for my 40th birthday.

Someone handing me a cake and singing happy birthday to at my sisters wedding really would not have cut the mustard.

Kanga83 · 24/06/2019 13:09

I've just read your previous posts- it does sounds like you've already booked this or are seriously considering it and to suggest you celebrate your 41st instead is ridiculous. If I was your twin and you have indeed booked this for your wedding I would either not come to the wedding evening to make way for my party or make sure the evening becomes a birthday party- birthday cake, 40 balloons, 40th banner, birthday toast with friends family etc and I suspect your husband would not be too happy about it.

RuggerHug · 24/06/2019 13:09

Your DP isn't suggesting the cake and attention on both of you so your DSis can take on some of the reception bill is he? Since her family and all will be there and it's a party on her 40th..

Sakura7 · 24/06/2019 13:10

OP I hope you realise from these responses that this would paint you in a really bad light amongst family and friends. Your twin would probably be asked several times on the day how she feels about doing this on her 40th birthday, and she'd have to grit her teeth and pretend everything is fine. Or think "fuck it" and tell the truth, which would make you look even worse.

I'm surprised you can't see how bad this is, even with hundreds of replies telling you so. It makes me wonder what else your sister has had to put up with.

Tuktuktaker · 24/06/2019 13:13

"Jesus. I had a huge party for my 40th birthday.

Someone handing me a cake and singing happy birthday to at my sisters wedding really would not have cut the mustard."

For sure, needsomesleepy, but by the sound of it, in this particular case, it would get right up the OP's selfish nose, possibly ruin her wedding, according to her so might be worth doing Grin

(In the course of this thread I've gone from the twin being unreasonable to the OP being beyond unreasonable. And thinking there is a budding bridezilla here, as well!)

user2085372673 · 24/06/2019 13:15

You sound like you’re going to do it anyway. Just think, roughly over 80% of people on here think you are at best unreasonable, and at worse, pretty mean. This will probably be the consensus of your wedding guests too.

Why on earth do you think it’s ok to completely overshadow your twin on your shared 40th birthday. Awful. If you want to ‘branch out’ have your own party.

DuMondeB · 24/06/2019 13:16

Every update makes you seem more and more unreasonable OP.

If you go ahead with this, I suspect your ‘branching out’ will be very successful - your sister won’t want anything to do with you and likely your family will take her side.

Of course, this will mean your new husband has you all to himself, and as the whole thing was his suggestion...

That’s enough red flags to make bunting for your reception.

RuggerHug · 24/06/2019 13:16

In case my last post wasn't obviously sarcasm, it was!!! No one is that bad.

elasticfantastic · 24/06/2019 13:18

That’s enough red flags to make bunting for your reception.

^^this!!

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 24/06/2019 13:19

we havent booked anything

So you do the grown up thing and find a new date. You must have known it was unreasonable or you wouldn't not have made the thread. If nothing is booked then why the need to justify your actions, just find a new date and all move forward with your lives.

babysharkah · 24/06/2019 13:21

What a ridiculous idea. You want your twin to give up their 40th for your wedding? I'm not sure whose the biggest dick, you or your fiance.

babysharkah · 24/06/2019 13:24

And fuck, how is getting married on your joint 40th branching out, it is just creating drama that doesn't need to be created. I have twins, I hope it never turns out like this.

Glittertwins · 24/06/2019 13:26

We have twins too and would make our feelings known if one of them tried to pull a stunt like this

user1471590586 · 24/06/2019 13:27

If you have your wedding on your joint Birthday were you planning on letting your sister invite all her friends too? If not then you are making it all about you and dictating who your sister spends her milestone Birthday with. Book a different date.

TheInvestigator · 24/06/2019 13:27

@needsomesleepy

The idea is really to piss the OP off. She's being a spiteful cow and wants to make their 40th all about her wedding... so it's just a little something to make sure she doesn't get it all her own way.

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