would you have your wedding on your birthday as a twin?

[Zipliner]

my fiancé suggested that we have our wedding on my birthday and i am excited over this...
but my twin feels its unfair as our birthday would no longer take prominence within the family
if you were a twin would you consider this or should i just give this idea up?

X posted. Glad you are not going to do this. Please change it with good grace and not blame her

It sounds like "branching out from" = "getting one up on".

If she's single then it's even MORE of a cruel kick in the teeth.

Yes, please don't blame her. At least 82% of Mumsnetters feel the same. She's not being unreasonable, and she's been open and honest with you rather than bitching behind the scenes. She doesn't have to be made to feel bad when you tell her you've changed your mind.

^^ this!

I'd feel like mine and my (non existent) twins day was being hijacked by you and your DP.

Why are you trying to make a day that is about your sibling and yours bond about your husband to be? Way to cut the cord

Plus what about big birthdays? Her 30th/40th/60th can never be about her anymore because it'll always be your anniversary.

You have 364 other days to pick from

I'm a twin. I wouldn't do this.
Glad you are not.

I'm a twin, I got married the day after my birthday for various reasons. Don't do it not because of your twin's birthday but because it is yours too. It means in years (hopefully) to come everything happens on one day and I personally think I would have liked to spread it out, being a twin doesn't come into it.

NewAccount270219

I know a few couples who got married on on of the party's (it's always the wife funnily enough) bday and they're all divorced now! Doesn't bode well

Oh no, I'd better tell DH!

Me too

Quite selfish to make your twin’s 40th birthday all about you and your DH

As my DD would say ‘that’s a full-on nope from me’.

So many reasons against it, so few advantages (can’t think of one, twin or no twin).

But congrats on your engagement!

Well done for seeing sense OP.

For "branching out" having your wedding just for you and dh on a day that is nothing to do with twin makes more sense.

as to why she is making an issue out of this baffles me, we have had 3 major birthdays already together

Well done for deciding to change it even though you STILL can't understand what the difference is between holding your wedding on your twin's 40th birthday and just sharing three major birthdays together. That still boggles me and, it seems, the vast majority of the MN jury.

I think the fact that your twin already has to share her birthday is bad enough but then to make your joint 40th birthday all about you and your wedding is selfish

82% of 1014 voters think you’re being unreasonable.

Glad you've decided to change the date. I still don't really understand your position. You went from in your first post having DP suggest the date and not being bothered one way or the other to your later post where you purposefully latched onto the date to 'branch out.'

If it wasn't a big deal to get married on your birthday and it bothered your sister why wouldn't you change the date? My sister was scheduled to run the NY marathon on my first suggested wedding date and I switched it, not because she insisted but because it was no skin off my back and it made my sister happy. Your wedding day is an important day but it doesn't mean you throw out your loved ones' feelings for the sake of it.

In scenario 2 where the wedding date coinciding with your birthday is some sort of statement I fail to see what statement you're trying to make other than to completely alienate your sister.

What's this voting and % thing?

if she was the one getting married and wanted to do so on our bday, it wouldnt matter to me

I find it hard to believe, considering your posts regarding university and wanting to "branch off".

if she was the one getting married and wanted to do so on our bday, it wouldnt matter to me, id be more excited that she is happy and wouldn't even want to bring in my birthday in it*

You sound so caring and sharing I'm surprised you ever considered upsetting your twin.

Its good you are changing the date. If you want to branch out, do something for your 40th seperate from your twin. It sounds like you are pretty desperate to do that and not be stuck together celebrating, you don't need the wedding as a reason to drive it. Just do your own thing on your birthday and have your wedding another day.

Why did your df suggest your birthday? What was his reasoning?

I’m glad you’ve decided to change your plans. Tbh I think it was a good idea to turn the button on as you got to tangibly see just how shitty your decision is and feel how bad your dsis is feeling. The voting had a massive influence on you. You learnt something good today. I hope your wedding goes well..., and your apology to your twin.

Surely your twin and you can arrange to have separate birthday celebrations on different days. Most people I know don't celebrate birthdays on the actual day, but the following weekend, so you could arrange different meals or parties, events, whatever you want. But alternate priorities.

My son has his birthday very close to his aunt and uncle and we've had separate parties as well as joint meals.
It's doable with some good will.

But if you are the one who wants to branch out, then leave the day for your twin and celebrate yours on a separate day. Don't try to own the day yourself, leaving your twin out, wedding or no wedding.

You can branch out any day you like. Why not have the wedding a different day and go away for a weekend with your DF/DH (Just the 2 of you) to celebrate your 40th?

I'm a twin and my sister got married on our 30th birthday. I was a bridesmaid. I had a fabulous day swanning around in a lovely dress dinking champagne. Wasn't bothered in the slightest. it was a lovely day.

@gingertam you weren't bothered. The OP's sister is, and has said so. Partly because she can see this for what it is, an act of deliberate unkindness. Thankfully the OP has changed her mind.

Is she 8? Seriously adults who are precious about birthdays are pathetic. It’s one year, her twin sisters wedding day, she sounds like a dick.