I want to go grey, but DH says no!

[KindleAndCake]

Who is being unreasonable?
I'm in my 40's and fed up of the constant dying of my hair. I've said I'm going to stop, but he says no. He really doesn't want me to. I've pointed out that he is going grey, but it seems it's one rule for him, and all that.

Out of interest, does constant dying your hair make it go grey quicker?

By 'started going grey' I mean I started growing it out. I remember plucking grey hairs out of my black hair when I was 13 on holiday and the bathroom had v harsh lighting which showed up the grey. By 30 it had to be fine every 6-8 weeks. By 44 I was sick of it and grew it out.

I never go to the same hair dresser

I have friends who do go to the same hair dresser for decades and I understand that some people enjoy the pampering & social aspects

I started going grey in my 30s

I don't dye my hair

I spend my time & money on other things

I agree with another poster
Look how many men you see with white hair & their female partners have clearly dyed hair !

Be brave !

My hair is grey under all the dye. I mentioned having it done grey and my husband's reply was ' what do you want to look like a post menopausal old woman for?'
I ignored him, had it done grey and looked like....a post menopausal old woman.😱
A few people at work mentioned it aged me.
My kids said ' you look like a proper granny now'
A couple of days later I returned to my usual dyed hair colour and normal services resumed 😀

Oh I'm going to add that I didn't ask anyone permission. I do my own thing

creekingknees I think the people in your life are dicks. Unless a loved one asked me if they looked “awful” then I wouldn’t give my opinion as it means nothing.
How many men feel they need to dye their hair or change their appearance because of their partner or children’s comments?

I'm 34 and my dark hair is streaked with grey.

I have never dyed it once and don't intend to start.

Life is so much easier when you refuse to give a shit about that stuff.

Hello I'm 37 and haven't dyed my hair in many years I now have a grey patch on the right side of my head I quite like it as the rest of my hair is dark brown. I even wear my hair on the left so it shows lol My husband says he liked it when I used to dye my hair blonde but doesnt get a say in my hair now I refuse to dye it to please anyone. I would do what ever you feel comfortable with it really is your choice x

He doesn't own your hair so he is an unreasonable fool.

I work with some very chic 40-something grey-haired women.

It can look fantastic - but really only if the person sporting it is quite stylish and has a good haircut.

It can also look really frumpy and ageing.

Your DH is being U to think he has some say on it. But he's not being U to have an opinion. I didn't like DH with a beard, either - and I certainly gave him my opinion when he had one.

I agree with everyone who says that it's your hair to do with what you choose... but, but, but I can see his point. I hate the appearance of grey hair on young women, IMHO it drains people and makes them look much older. If I was with a woman who wanted to go natural I can honestly say that it would affect my physical attraction to her. I'm really not a fan of tattoos for example - obviously my husband can do what he likes with his body but if he suddenly decided to get tatted up I'd be crushed...

Is he not just expressing a preference like you may not want him to grow a beard.

YANBU whilst your DH is being rude.

If your hair is going grey naturally then, clearly, you aren't too young to have grey hair. I think we set an artificial age at which it is acceptable for women to go grey because there's a lot of pressure for women to dye their hair to meet another, otherwise unattainable, beauty standard. It's like make up, shaving, body shape and clothing - you're not interesting as a woman, just as a conforming consumer.

Think of the time and money you'll save not dyeing your hair and put that towards something else you'll enjoy instead.

I'm 60 and steel grey, have been for years. Last time I was in the hairdressers the 20 something a couple of chairs away asked if she could have it my colour. I did chuckle. I can't wait to go snowy white like my parents then I might put in really bright streaks for fun.

By the way, once you get into your late 40s its usually really obvious if you're hair is dyed

But... what he's really saying is, if you go grey I won't fancy you? Depends how you feel about that. - I'd like to think that I am more than just the colour of my hair!

I stay 'fanciable' by doing more than colouring my hair. I coloured for most of my 20s/30/40s, and just decided that the regrowth and roots were more unflattering than my normal, greying hair. I grew it out gradually - going shorter, putting 'temporary' colours on it, highlights etc, until it was back to 'normal' It's now 50/50 grey and dark brown, and short. i mix it up by changing the cut occasionally - keeps my look fresh.

And the poster who calls it 'ageing' - this is obviously an out-dated notion. If 20-somethings are going grey/silver, then it is obviously NOT ageing! And who decided that grey equates to 'Old' anyway? Even young women (and men) get grey hairs - naturally. Do we blindly follow the idea that grey = old? Fat = lazy? Long hair = young? Bikinis = skinny bodies only? Things change. Looks change. Ideas get out-dated and we should move with the times!

My grey is like highlights - it lightens my face, brightens my look. Dark, dyed hair on women can be what ages them. They think it makes them look younger - they look artificial and it normally doesnt suit them.

If you’ve got grey hairs then you’re clearly not too young to go grey Not impressed by your hairdresser!!

I have my first few grey hairs (age 29) and after a quick look at Grombre on Instagram and a few going grey threads in MN, it didn’t take much for me to decide to go grey naturally. But then I cut my own hair already and can’t remember the last time I went to a salon so maybe i just don’t get the whole shebang. So expensive and time consuming!

He's allowed his opinion, just like you're allowed to ignore it.

I do agree with the PP that said there is double standards on this thread. A majority on another thread thinks it's ok for a woman to tell her dh his clothes look ridiculous.

I stopped dying my hair over a year ago on the basis that the ‘cool’ late 30s early 40s are going natural. I’m not trying to look young, I have adult daughters who are completely stunning, I can’t pretend I’m

Young anymore, what I can do is show that I am proud to be alive and that I have value as a woman regardless of my age.

My 21 yr old borrowed one of my midi skirts last night, we just style things very differently. I’m getting loads of compliments, even from strangers, most people finish off by saying they wish they were as brave as me. I don’t have fillers or Botox but I have had collagen boosting treatments and IPL to stop thread veins so my skin is good for my age.

I think the badger stripe on dyed hair far more aging than grey hair.
I have stopped dying since I got a fair smattering of grey years ago.As for aging,well what's wrong with that?The nice thing about getting older is that you care less about others opinion and please yourself.

If the OP - along with millions of other people - is going grey in her 40s then 40s is not too young to be grey. We're all just fooling ourselves to think that it is. Another sign of us being in collective denial about ageing and another way in which we reinforce the message that old = bad.

My mum recently stopped dying her hair after years of doing so. She looks a million times better for it. The grey really suits her and doesn't make her look older. Just makes her hair healthier and makes her seem more confident for just going with it.

I don't think her husband was that keen in the idea but she did it anyway. Good for her.

I'm 46 and have long, white/grey hair and I love it. From 25 to 38 I had to dye it every 2 weeks to keep up with the roots and dye resistance on the front white section, and when I got bored with that I grew it out.
I get so many compliments from people, and I don't think my lovely shiny hair is frumpy - in fact I think its much less aging (whatever that is) than a 'speak to the manager' bob and highlights, or just trying to layer colour onto my hair and having that weird translucent effect you get on white hair

You get to decide! It's personal choice though women who don't are treated quite harshly

I don’t think either of you ABU he didn’t say you can’t he said no I don’t want you to.

My DH would probably keep his hair shorter than it is but he knows I like it longer, he does sometimes have it cut short.

I choose the hair colour that I want, (it varies) but I know my DH prefers it when it is lighter.

It’s ok to have an opinion, not ok to insist.

The first time I suggested I might stop dying my hair and letting it go grey both my DH and my hairdresser thought it was a bad idea. I chose not to do it at that point.

A few years later I decided I was going to do it and DH didn't object. I think he sensed that first time I was unsure but this time I really wanted to do it.

Now that I am fully grey I love it as does my DH.

OP - it is your choice but you need to be fully committed to the process. Maybe your DH senses that you are still not certain?