I want to go grey, but DH says no!

[KindleAndCake]

Who is being unreasonable?
I'm in my 40's and fed up of the constant dying of my hair. I've said I'm going to stop, but he says no. He really doesn't want me to. I've pointed out that he is going grey, but it seems it's one rule for him, and all that.

Out of interest, does constant dying your hair make it go grey quicker?

Face tattoo = grey hair now. Ffs.

If your husband told you he wanted a face tattoo would you not express you opinion?

There’s absolutely no comparison. Actually that’s an absolutely ridiculous comparison. Manipulating or emotionally blackmailing a woman into doing something to her body, or hair in this case, because you want them to look younger is horribly shallow.

Oh and getting permanent artificial tattoo on your face is of course so very similar to ageing as nature intended. Never thought of that. My bad!

So paper, you didn’t answer my earlier question about getting your chest and back waxed when it turns grey, to match the dyed hair on your head. Are you planning on doing that? After all your partner might not like it.

I asked my partner about her preference on my body hair. I have a back wax as a result of that question. No problem. A little effort in order to be a little less unappealing to the person I love.

I’m sorry that your partner appears to be as shallow as you. On the plus side, it sounds like you’re a good match.

Perfect match @Papersizes

Sorry, sorry...has someone actually just compared not dyeing your hair to getting a face tattoo???

Or have I just entered a parallel universe where AIBU is even more batshit fucking insane than usual?

I’m sorry that your partner appears to be as shallow as you. On the plus side, it sounds like you’re a good match.

I think you are intelligent and your partner must be too.
Lets be clear, none of these "shallow" things (like personal grooming and making an effort) are in any way as important as a loving, caring, respectful and adoring relationship. But to claim that they don't exist at all in your relationship I doubt.

The point here is that the ops husband is going grey himself and yet he doesn't dye his hair.
Why then should he expect the op to do something which he won't do himself?
Can anyone answer that?

I think you are intelligent and your partner must be too.

Yes, my late husband was extremely intelligent. As for myself, I dare say that’s a matter of opinion. But we’ve both strayed off the actual point of the thread, and that was discussing a woman’s right to stop colouring her hair. There’s a big difference between keeping oneself clean/tidy and being made feel that you have to dye your hair to please a man. I’ll never agree with that.

Tell him to fucking do one! Your hair, your choice. Tell him you're sick of looking at a grey old man and start him on the just for men.
You guys are from the generation where women were judged almost completely on their looks. Glad that mentality is slowly dying out.

I bet you'll look fantastic with grey hair.

You guys are from the generation where women were judged almost completely on their looks. Glad that mentality is slowly dying out.

That’s hilarious. Women have never been under more pressure to look ‘good’, wear the right clothes and look like Barrie dolls, than they are now.

I agree, we’ve strayed from the issue. Being made to feel you have to do something to please your partner - of course wrong. There must be no obligation on either side here. No obligation for a woman to dye her hair, and no obligation for a man to fancy a woman with grey hair.

My OH was a bit meh about me going grey, my teenage DS on the other hand is appalled that I am doing it for some reason.

I wonder if the high divorce rate is actually coupled to the easy of changing your appearance to suit the preference of others....

Probably not...probably more to do with throwing of the religious strictures of the past...but I wonder if the overemphasis of looks in relationships...and the inevitable change in looks as people get older, means that people are more and more marrying on the basis of unsustainable physical appearance and marrying less on personality compatibility. I'm sure personality also changes with time, but physical appearance ALWAYS does.

If you married someone for their hair colour then divorce becomes inevitable...

Marry someone for their personality and there's a chance you last the course....

No obligation for a woman to dye her hair

Except from this thread alone there clearly is a social obligation, lest she be considered witchy, old and unemployable.

no obligation for a man to fancy a woman with grey hair.

Indeed. But, as many of us have pointed out, attraction (at least in functional relationships) is about way more than the colour of one's hair.

I'm not sure I'm alone in feeling quite relieved that a certain type of man wouldn't look twice at me because of the colour of my hair

You guys are from the generation where women were judged almost completely on their looks. Glad that mentality is slowly dying out.

It really, really is not dying out. I don't know how you could think that it is?

I see both sides here. Of course the op should be entitled to
Do what ever she wants with her own body.. however it's only on Mumsnet that apparently people can significantly change their appearance or gain 10 stone, grown facial hair or not, head shave etc and their partners Are not allowed any opinion are incredibly shallow if they fancy them less because of it. In real life I think these things do impact how our partners are ya. I could
Never ever kiss my husband with a mustache. I just completely abhor them. My dh would perfectly be within his rights to grow one as nature intended but it would absolutely change how much I was attracted to him. I don't think taking a partners personal preference into
Account ( both make and female) is so terrible.

Indeed. But, as many of us have pointed out, attraction (at least in functional relationships) is about way more than the colour of one's hair.

First to agree. Love and functional relationships are much more than that. Attraction is intelligence and cerebral, but it can also be animalistic. If some things attract you then surely some things can repel you. All I am saying is you have the chance to eliminate a small thing that might repel a person you love, perhaps it might be worth considering. At the end of the day its your own choice and you decide on that, no one should make you.

I have been growing out my colour for 6 months now. You should try it for three or four months to see how you get on. Once I got to four months I knew I could definitely continue and felt happy about doing so. First three months I found difficult.

Op
I
Made the decision 6 mths ago to finally embrace my inner badger grey hair for the exact same reason after colouring it for years .

My hairdresser puts in blond and silver highlights so my natural silver and grey blends in really well. Then she cuts the same amount off as the grey that has come in at the roots

I was dark auburn for yrs before but love my new hair.

I will need to keep having it highlighted until my natural hair colour grows down

Then we will reassess

Crikey! If a few grey hairs were going to repel DH I'd say the relationship was long dead.
I do agree we've gone off track. I have no issue with a partner offering an opinion on anything. I think most of us in disagreement with the implication that OP was not allowed to stop dyeing her hair, though that may not be the case and was just implied due to her choice of words.

@MaudBaileysGreenTurban

Yes, to your whole post.

I'm the opposite. My OH has white hair and I love it. He has said he is going to dye it and I beg him not to. I on the other hand dye my hair its natural brown colour. OH said I should just leave it and go grey. My hairdresser said if I did that it would add 10 years to me (I am 42). I am too vain and so I will keep on dying it. Your OH is allowed an opinion, but it is entirely up to you what you do with your hair x