I want to go grey, but DH says no!

[KindleAndCake]

Who is being unreasonable?
I'm in my 40's and fed up of the constant dying of my hair. I've said I'm going to stop, but he says no. He really doesn't want me to. I've pointed out that he is going grey, but it seems it's one rule for him, and all that.

Out of interest, does constant dying your hair make it go grey quicker?

Although it is completely your choice of course, I don't think I'd drastically change my hair style if DH really liked my hair the way it was (just like I would hate it if he decided to grow a big bushy goatee or something!)

Some grey can look very flattering, my mum is completely silver/White all over & has been since her late 20's & it looks lovely, but I think if you have say jet black hair naturally and just have sparse grey hairs popping up all over it may not look very nice... there's a lady at my DC toddler group who has long dark brown hair, she's stopped dying it & has wiry grey hairs everywhere now & I'll be honest it looks awful and has aged her terribly. So I'm a bit on the fence...

I've decided to stop dyeing my hair as I hate how it seems to end up almost orange no matter the colour I dye it. I have nearly an inch of steel grey and don't know whether to brazen it our or do some kind of temporary colouring. Any suggestions gracefully listened too.

YOur hair and your decision but I think 40s is too young (except in very exceptional circumstances, some women do look fabulous with grey hair) but you'll be in your fifties for ten years, can't you postpone the decision til your 50s?

If you go grey I think you have to have more expensive clothes, jewellery, glasses, make up.. You need to NOT look like a poor old lady, ykwim?? I know the look I would create but it could be more work and more expensive than just dying your hair

It’s your hair, money, time; if he doesn’t like it it’s tough luck for him. He can always dye his own if he’s so bothered.

My Mum has spent the last year growing out the last bits of dye. Her hair was frazzled before from all the years of dyeing; now it's a lovely soft platinum grey and in lovely condition. My grandmother is mortified that my mother is not playing to the ‘must not age’ rule book.

I work in a salon, most people will lighten their hair first, going blonde then gradually go grey. Yes you're dying your hair to cover the grey, but to get rid of the colour currently in your hair to get it grey is a big job and will most likely damage your hair (depending on the colour of it at the moment). I'd say do whatever makes you happy, but know dying your hair grey isn't as easy as it sounds

Your hair, your choice OP.

I have the odd grey hair and I've decided I'm going to embrace it. I think I'll also have a complete re-style, my hairdresser has been saying I'd look good with short hair for ages so I may well go for the chop. A whole new look is what I'm going for.

I'm concentrating on my diet, exercise, sleep pattern and mental well-being and bollocks to 'conforming' to dying grey hair 🤟

@SunshineCake pixie cut and then grow it out from there :)

The real benefit is the improvement in condition. I’ve had virgin hair for two decades, not only is it silver but it’s soft and shiny too.

Grey hair is fabulous, look in Boots and see how many silver box dyes are available. Young women are buying these.

If you go grey I think you have to have more expensive clothes, jewellery, glasses, make up.. You need to NOT look like a poor old lady, ykwim??

Fuck me.

@SunshineCake If you look on Grombre a lot of women just brazen it. I think the temp dye can quickly spiral into just going back to dying it every few weeks.

You can wear the most expensive clothes in the world and look frumpy. Equally you can dress on a shoestring and be uber stylish.

I’ve never consulted or asked my husband on his opinion about my hair ever. It’s your hair do what you like with it. I know women who only have long hair because their husband likes it/finds it sexy and I find it quite creepy.

I have just turned 50 and am almost completely white atthe front top and sides but still dark underneath. my husband would be stuck if he asked me to die my hair as it will not hold a color at all! I do get loads of complements on how it looks tho!

On a personal level I’m in my mid 40s would naturally be very grey and there’s no way in a million years I’m ready to go grey. I’m blonde now and no plans whatsoever to embrace my natural colour.

Interesting people talking about double standards, hypocrisy etc.

This would only be true if each of these couples was living in some sort of social vacuum, uninfluenced by society.

Women's looks are constantly policed, judged and criticised (as demonstrated on this thread) in a way that men's rarely are. Women are pressured to conform to unrealistic standards of beauty, and judged if they don't.

If men show their age they are distinguished. If women show their age they are haggard.

That's the context of this conversation. There isn't an equal balance of power in the first place, so the OPs husband saying NO (ffs) has more weight than her saying NO to some grooming decision of his.

Btw OP, YANBU. He's an arse.

I am in my mid 30s. Naturally not a grey hair in sight, alas I decided to dye them all grey. I LOVE it! It’s a gorgeous tone by itself but also easily turned to whatever pastel colour I want. I actually can’t wait to go grey myself and stop having to faff about dyeing it ;-)

Oh, and it hasn’t aged me one bit. No silly comments either...

I've been married 44 years, and never once asked advice/permission from my husband about my hair.

As it's your hair then you should do what you want with it. However, your DH is perfectly entitled to his feelings too. If it transpires that, although he loves you he no longer fancies you because of your grey hair, then you may have to deal with that. If that is ok with you then all is well.

I actually quite like grey/white/silver hair (on others) especially when hair is naturally this colour at a young age. However, I'm not looking forward to the actual quality of grey hair in older age where the texture is so different from the glossy locks of youth.

Of course he gets no say. You can't expect him to like it though, so don't wait for any compliments!

He can have an opinion I guess. Of course you can do what you like.

"If men show their age they are distinguished. If women show their age they are haggard."
I don't agree. I think it depends on the looks and what age they go grey. Phil Schofield was distinguished-looking precisely because he could be distinguished from his peers because he had grey hair at a young age while his peers didn't. When they all catch up and have grey hair he will not be referred to as distinguished because they'll all look similar.

It is the same with women who go grey at am early age. They will be distinguished from their peers who aren't grey.

Most women, due to a fall in hormone levels, do age quick we than men in general and do tend to look washed out and tired when they go grey in later life. It is sad and I don't look forward to it but maybe it's just part of the circle of life?

Grey hair isn’t necessarily a sign of age. When I was a medical student, one of the lads in my year was completely grey at 19.
I went grey in my 40’s and didn’t bother dyeing it. I’m now a lovely shade of silver, which I think looks a lot nicer than my original dull brown.
I also feel it’s better for the environment than using synthetic chemicals in plastic bottles, for unnecessary cosmetic effects.
As almost all the PPs have said, it’s your hair, so your decision.

What do you mean he says no? Is this the 1920’s lol as if a man is telling you how your hair is gonna be!