I want to go grey, but DH says no!

[KindleAndCake]

Who is being unreasonable?
I'm in my 40's and fed up of the constant dying of my hair. I've said I'm going to stop, but he says no. He really doesn't want me to. I've pointed out that he is going grey, but it seems it's one rule for him, and all that.

Out of interest, does constant dying your hair make it go grey quicker?

Yes tell him you'd prefer it if he got rid of his own greys.
Actually, while you're at it tell him you also hate his hairy sack and he needs to get a bit of manscaping done or you'll be unable to feel attracted to him.
It's ok to voice an opinion, it's not ok to dictate how you should deal with your own appearance.

fuck that shit

erm...lost for words.

he is going grey himself, you say?

And yet you are not "allowed" to.

Why is that?

Going against the grain here, but I think he is just being honest.

Sadly, I think society does revile women (under 60,) who have grey hair, but not men who do.

And I think your DH, if he is also only in his early 40s, does not want to have a grey haired wife. Not while you are both still quite young-ish.

@KindleAndCake it's up to you how you deal with this. As a load of posters have said, it is your hair, but your DH is entitled to his opinion. DH has always said he never wants me to have my hair cut short, as he prefers it long (or shoulder length at least.)

Fortunately, I LOATHE my hair short, and have always kept it with length. If I wanted it short, and I thought it suited me, I would have it short, but he would reserve the right to say he hates it. As I reserve the right to say I hate beards. He had one for about 6 months, and I loathed it. Couldn't kiss him, and hated the feel of it, and the look of it, etc etc. He shaved it off. (As I said, after 6 months.)

Weirdly, on mumsnet, when a woman comes on and says she loathes beards, and hates her husband's beard etc; multiple dozens of posters come on here and back her up, and say she should not have to tolerate it, that she should refuse to kiss him, that she should withdraw sex etc etc...

But when a man wants his wife to not have grey hair, he is lambasted, and she has a 'DH problem,' not a grey hair problem!

Typical mumsnet double-standards.

And please don't say 'hmmm, it's almost as if there are different posters on different threads on different days' because that's a copout. The comments on here smack of terrible double standards when you see the threads about men with beards!

Again, going against the grain here, but I really don't like to see women under 50 with grey hair. I just don't. I think it is very ageing. And that's my opinion.

Embrace the grey.

www.boredpanda.com/young-women-natural-gray-hair-grombre/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic

Is DH demanding you do not go grey or asking you not to? I am in agreement with 'your hair, your choice' and it is ultimately not his decision of course. But if he doesn't find it attractive and is politely telling you that I don't think he is being unreasonable, just honest. Up to you if you want to act on that information. My DH got some very severely short hair cuts and I don't think I was being mean by saying I preferred his previous style which he went back to but I didn't and would not have made him. Pleased he did mind, he's gorgeous!!

Obviously not his decision, but my DH shaves because I think beards are minging. So I would avoid going grey if it mattered to my DH because I want him to be attracted to me. It's your choice how much weight you give his preferences but if you ignore them you can't really ask him to consider yours

Weirdly, on mumsnet, when a woman comes on and says she loathes beards, and hates her husband's beard etc; multiple dozens of posters come on here and back her up, and say she should not have to tolerate it, that she should refuse to kiss him, that she should withdraw sex etc etc.

Double standards, my arse! You’re only after saying you couldn’t kiss your own husband, when he had a beard! A beard is very different from a woman growing, cutting or dying her hair. Her hair is not in his mouth when they’re kissing, it doesn’t scratch against his skin when their intimate and unless theirs something seriously wrong, she doesn’t have bits of food, running nose or anything else in it.

They’re

@bingbongnoise.
But that is exactly it. He can have an opinion but to 'disallow' is a little different.
My DH has a goatee. Has done for several years. I dislike it and I think he looks far better without it but it's his choice. He's still my number 1.

He sounds like a knob OP. I hope this is not indicative of his general attitude to you. If you want to go grey then go for it.

I was really hoping that my hair would hurry up with going grey as I wanted to be able to put bright colours like shocking pink through my hair and have the grey pick it up as coloured highlights (I'm 58). Sadly, it's really annoyingly resistant to dye and I don't want to bleach and then colour waist-length hair. I suspect I'll be like my mother who wasn't fully grey in her eighties even though I took after my dad by starting to go grey in my early forties.

I'm still sulking about it.

You get to choose, because it's your hair, but I think it's healthy in a relationship to want to look attractive to your partner.

Grey hair can look fabulous, but it is still always very ageing, so I can't understand where your dh is coming from.

I never liked it when exDP grew a long beard. Didn't mean I loved him any less, but it did make him look older and less attractive.

You get to choose, because it's your hair, but I think it's healthy in a relationship to want to look attractive to your partner.

Grey hair can look fabulous, but it is still always very ageing, so I can't understand where your dh is coming from.

^This

I don't like grey hair, mostly unflattering and ageing at the very young age of early 40's IMO

meant to say I don't like grey hair on young people, okay after around 60 maybe IMO

We often go to see tribute bands and local theatre stuff which attracts a fifty plus audience. When I look around most if not all of the men are grey, white or bald. Most of the women have coloured and coiffed hairdos.

OP if you want to go grey it is up to you. I have often thought about this, but it is a carry on to grow a colour out. So I will think after we have been on holiday, after my birthday, Christmas, the wedding or whatever. Eventually it has to happen, but when you choose this yourself.

I stopped dyeing my hair when I was 43, my husband’s never known me to be anything other than grey, it didn’t put him off. Hairdressers want your money so they’re always going to discourage you. As for your husband - not his hair, not his business.

@S1naidSucks

Bit defensive there aren't you?

You sound angry. I wonder why.

@Fancyacarrot Completely agree. Grey hair is very ageing on someone only in their early 40s.

I’d love to go grey, but even at 51 it really does age me. My face doesn’t yet suit my hair. It’s going pure white except for a really stubborn ‘cap’ at the back, that’s really dark brown. I’ve been growing the colour out for months and was really shocked at the dark brown, because I’ve been colouring it for decades. I hadn’t actually remembered how dark the original colour was.

Tell him you'll keep colouring your hair as soon as he irons out the wrinkles from his balls.

I'm not sure if anyone else has mentioned t but there is a brilliant page on Instagram called grombre. The women who have let their hair go grey look amazing. Definitely worth a look, it might bolster your confidence. Make this decision for you and not your husband.

Its absolutely your choice. Hey no man gets to decide how a woman looks!

As it happens, I always quite liked the calm time chatting with the colourist, reading magazines and drinking coffee having my highlights done. I did till my mid 50s (now) but I've stopped. I have nice grey streaks around my face and grown out highlights at the ends. My hairdresser advised against more colour because she thought the natural colours of my hair suited my face. I agreed. My blond highlights started to be too brash against the skin colour on my face.

Your choice, find what you like. Thats what will make you feel confident.

It’s your choice, you decide if you want your natural colour to grow through. Once it’s grown out you can decide whether to leave it or dye it again, if you want to.

fancycarrot Why are you assuming ageing is a bad thing? Why should anyone care what you think about grey hair? Why have you shared your judgemental opinion of other women's appearance?

Weirdly, on mumsnet, when a woman comes on and says she loathes beards, and hates her husband's beard etc; multiple dozens of posters come on here and back her up, and say she should not have to tolerate it, that she should refuse to kiss him, that she should withdraw sex etc etc

Do these women insist that they themselves should be allowed to grow a beard regardless of what their dh thinks and that it's only the dh that should have to obey their dictates.

Otherwise I do not see how this is in any way comparable with the OP's situation.