I want to go grey, but DH says no!

[KindleAndCake]

Who is being unreasonable?
I'm in my 40's and fed up of the constant dying of my hair. I've said I'm going to stop, but he says no. He really doesn't want me to. I've pointed out that he is going grey, but it seems it's one rule for him, and all that.

Out of interest, does constant dying your hair make it go grey quicker?

It may astonish you to know that not all women believe their main asset is their youthful appearance.

Not at all. And happy to read the rest of your message.

I wasn't implying it was their main asset at all. That would be rather sad.

paper you admire women? what all of them? Are we all the same homogenous mass to you by any chance? Do you under stand that thinking all women are the same because they are female is the actual definition of sexism?

Not all comments I disagree with are misogynistic...but never have any doubt that the ones you have posted on here certainly are.

paper you admire women? what all of them? Are we all the same homogenous mass to you by any chance? Do you under stand that thinking all women are the same because they are female is the actual definition of sexism?

Not all comments I disagree with are misogynistic...but never have any doubt that the ones you have posted on here certainly are.

If misogyny is the dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women. I'm not allowed to counter saying that I admire women? OK.

He is an idiot and gets no say at all.

A lady I work with had enough of dyeing her hair in order to hide the grey, so she decided to start dyeing her hair grey instead to hide the coloured hair. It looks amazing!! She looks the epitome of chic....

Grey/silver hair is fabulous, as are you OP xx

paper that really isn't what misogyny is about in most cases. Very few people consciously feel they hate women as a group.

Its like racism in that regard. Not many people actually full on hate others of another race. Most people are racist in quiet ways like thinking people from other races are just a bit odd, a bit different, eat weird food, or dress oddly, or don't do their hair the way you think they should to look professional...or attractive. It all just adds up in dribs and drabs until, when it comes to hiring a CEO for your business, you're just not quite sure they are the right fit for the job....but obviously you aren't racist - because you really admire people of that race! Honestly you do.

And thats how it is for women too. Most people (and its men AND women who exhibit unconscious misogyny) don't just randomly hate women. They just don't think they dress quite right, or look quite right, or do their hair quite right, or feed their babies quite right, or take quite the right amount of maternity leave, or speak up in meetings quite right, or seem to be quite the right person to lead a business etc.

So when you say 'I'm not misogynistic...I really admire women' its basically the same as saying 'I'm not racist...I had a black friend once'.

I thought we were all about bodily autonomy these days? and not ruining the planet any more than we have to (think of all the chemicals and plastic and so on, involved in manufacturing hair dye)

I went completely grey on the advice of my hairdresser based on her estimation that it would suit me. Lucky me it's mostly silver and it's lovely. I use a combination of a shampoo bar (most days) and silver shampoo (feeling guilty about the plastic etc) once or twice a week. Sometimes I dye it shocking pink. Or green. Or puple. (the green ages me the others don't). I can wear bright colours (had auburn hair before) or black and it is fabulous and shiny and lovely.

My DH is the biggest arse ever (but he's my arse and i lurve him) but he would never ever suggest doing something that i didn't want to do.

Fuck off Papersizes.

I thought we were all about bodily autonomy these days?

Only if paper finds your body autonomy pleases his male gaze. Otherwise he reserves the right to explain to you what you’re doing wrong.

So when you say 'I'm not misogynistic...I really admire women' its basically the same as saying 'I'm not racist...I had a black friend once'.

First, thanks for your post, I do take things from it and understand.

I can understand the comparison you make in your last sentence, and would prefer not being called a misogynistic if you are not implying a hatred of women - "as a homogenous mass".

would prefer not being called a misogynistic

Then stop behaving like a misogynistic arse.

MilesJuppIsMyBitch

Have a lovely day.

Yabu op.

Surely you get up every morning and look at yourself naked in the mirror and think is this too fat /to thin for DH? I might need to change my diet.
Then go through your wardrobe thinking what would DH like me to wear today's I look pretty enough for him? How would he like me to do my hair? Make up etc?
Presumably if you go down and he doesn't like it you immediately get changed?
Your his wife, you should be doing everything you can to make him happy. He is more important than you and his needs come first.

Otherwise how is this even a question??

If it helps, I consider myself misogynistic, because I too have unconscious bias against women being good at maths/physics/engineering despite being a female physics professor myself.

These biases run deep. The best way forward is to uncover them, acknowledge them and compensate for them whenever you make decisions.

Saying you are not misogynistic unless you hate all women, or not racist unless you hate all people of a certain race, is actively harming the cause of equality.

We all need to be honest with ourselves.

Only if paper finds your body autonomy pleases his male gaze. Otherwise he reserves the right to explain to you what you’re doing wrong.

Your body autonomy is your own issue. I would never ever give an unsolicited opinion to anyone. I do reserve the right on a public chat forum where someone has asked for opinions, to be honest.

Your hair so your choice. Tell him to naff off!

Serve him right if he starts to go bald......

Obviously it's your hair and you get to decide what to do with it. But personally I listen to my DH's opinion because if he fancies me less, we have a problem. And vice versa

I stopped dying my hair in my early 30's over 10 years ago, because I hated the regrowth, and blonde is not my colour so high lights never worked for me, my husband was all for me growing out my colour, it was hard but worthwhile, I have a rainbow of colours in my hair now, as I had reddish mousey hair but I still have warm brown streaks plus mousey bits with a sprinkling of white, I went grey before it was trendy and I have only ever had disparaging comments from hairdressers telling me I should dye it, I also wear lots of black and navy as pastels are bleurgh, but I found ditching the dye liberating.

I don't get this at all.

What would happen if you just went grey? What would your DH actually DO?

Do you get power of veto over what he looks like?

'there will be a time when he's looking for you in a crowd, or walking behind you when he see's it starkly and that won't be good.'

I'd love to know why. But on the other hand I don't think Papersizes would give a proper answer.

Here’s a pic of mine about 6 months in OP. As I said earlier, I used the silver ‘milkshake’ shampoo which turns my bleached ends more of an ash blonde which means it fades the grey in, and you can’t see so much of a marker from when I stopped bleaching. My roots are a lot greyer than the photo looks

But personally I listen to my DH's opinion because if he fancies me less, we have a problem.

Are you married to paper? 😁

Male perspective here. Dye it.
I understand your points, agree with most but seriously, dye it.
My two cents...
He still see's you as a young attractive lady. In his eyes you haven't aged at all. He doesn't focus on wrinkles, never probably spot them unless they are pointed out. People can blur small things out of their vision. However hair colour is a very striking thing, and grey hair is a grandmother thing. He probably won't notice the colour too much when he's looking directly at you, but there will be a time when he's looking for you in a crowd, or walking behind you when he see's it starkly and that won't be good. To most men hair colour like make-up, we don't notice it unless its not there. Would you stop wearing make up?

😂😂😂😂😂. I think it's time for you to leave this chat @Papersizes, before everyone is forced to 'blur' your 'small' words 'out of their vision'!

@WhoKnewBeefStew - looks fab. 🙏

Namaste6 so going by your analogy, he should dye his hair to spare his partner of the reality of getting old, right?

😂😂😂😂😂. I think it's time for you to leave this chat @Papersizes, before everyone is forced to 'blur' your 'small' words 'out of their vision'!

Wouldn't it be a shame if anyone who had a different opinion was asked to leave? Your views would be mirrored everywhere you looked. I guess if that's what you want.

"I'd love to know why. But on the other hand I don't think Papersizes would give a proper answer." - I'm surprised you not knowing why. I think you really do know why but it's not a wonderful thing to think about.

You need to do you. If you wish to go grey go grey. I can't even imagine seeking my husband's opinion on such a thing, never mind discussing it.

On going grey though, it's a funny thing. Some women suit it and can carry it off wonderfully. Other women it simply ages and washes them out.

I have one friend who has went grey and her hair looks fantastic, you'd think she'd dyed it that way. But she also has a very funky short hair do. It's taken years off her and she looks great. Another friend, who has a bob, it's put decades on her, and washes her out, her shiny chestnut bob was much more flattering

So, It depends if you care or not. Some do, some don't. As well as if you care about if it ages you or not.