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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think most women hope for a baby girl?

665 replies

Rowennaravenclaw · 21/06/2019 20:21

I know, once the baby is here, we love them and wouldn't change them for anything, whatever their sex.

But before the baby arrives, I think that the majority of women want a daughter. If you google gender disappointment, there seem to be way more hits about wanting a girl than a boy. I think it's probably natural, seeing as we have all been little girls ourselves and so imagine them to be a known quantity, and people tend to be drawn to what is familiar. Of course it changes once the baby arrives and we get to know the special person they are.

So, controversial, but AIBU?

OP posts:
EllenAshSky1 · 25/06/2019 22:09

Nope. I wanted all boys.

I was so so happy that my first child was a boy... I wanted desperately for my 2nd to also he a boy and it was a girl.

I love her so so much and can't imagine never having a daughter. . But when I fell pregnant I never wanted a girl and was disappointed.

ThorsMistress · 25/06/2019 22:23

I wanted a boy and when I found out DS was a boy i was over the moon.

Hoped for a boy second time round and had DS2.

No more babies for me! Even if it was a definite girl next!

LizzieSiddal · 25/06/2019 22:36

I wanted girls as I wasn’t brought up by my mum, so was desperate to experience a mother/Dd relationship.

I think sometimes people have preferences for very valid reasons and to accuse these people of being superficial, is ridiculous.

LizzieSiddal · 25/06/2019 22:36

I should add, I have two Dds and am very happy about that.

MrsMiggins37 · 25/06/2019 22:51

*It's sadly obvious that some of the more women-hating posters on here are going to be the latter type of MIL. And given they have sons, they're virtually guaranteed a DIL.

I mean, they'd hate to have a daughter - be devastated to, even. It's not exactly a reach to think they'd absolutely loathe someone who's not even their own flesh and blood.

I really hope my DD doesn't end up with one of these.*

I think that’s spot on.

And if your DD ends up with someone like me as a MIL, I won’t be like that ;)

MrsMiggins37 · 25/06/2019 22:53

*The fact is that in EVERY FAMILY I have ever known, the daughters are closer to the parents when they get older

This assumes that all families have a mixture of girls and boys! What do you think happens in families that only have boys*

Exactly. My sister is married to someone who is from a large family of all boys and they couldn’t be closer to their parents

MrsMiggins37 · 25/06/2019 22:55

As a mother you have an enormous opportunity to raise balanced boys and girls but judging by the ridiculous comments on this thread it's the mothers who perpetuate dumb preferences of one over the other. If that preference starts when the child is in the womb then what hope is there FFS

Quite

BrieAndChilli · 25/06/2019 22:59

First time I didn’t mind. Had a boy so second time I wanted a girl (but was sure it would be a boy) so that I would have one of each. She was a girl. Then I had another boy. (Again I didn’t mind)

MelonSlice · 26/06/2019 07:25

Considering how many men are abusers, rapists and paedophiles, I'm surprised anyone would want to raise a male child.

Montsti · 26/06/2019 07:45

I wanted a boy first time and then 2 boys & 2 girls when I had 4. Ended up with 1 boy and 3 girls...disappointed at first but within a few days of finding out no.4s gender, I saw sense and couldn’t be happier!

NoSauce · 26/06/2019 07:48

Considering how many men are abusers, rapists and paedophiles, I'm surprised anyone would want to raise a male child

Wow.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 26/06/2019 08:31

Considering how many men are abusers, rapists and paedophiles, I'm surprised anyone would want to raise a male child.

Considering how many women appear to be vacuous fools, I'm surprised anyone would want to raise a female child.

MelonSlice · 26/06/2019 08:52

Considering how many women appear to be vacuous fools, I'm surprised anyone would want to raise a female child

You really shouldn't measure people by your own standards Wink

Hadenough4 · 26/06/2019 08:56

I always wanted a boy. Got 2 girls. I was initially really disappointed when I found out, but once they were born, I was just glad that they were healthy.

Hadenough4 · 26/06/2019 09:02

Part of me would still like a boy, and if I could've guaranteed that my 3rd would be a boy, I would've had another child, but I wouldn't change my girls for the world, and I love them for being them.

Tumbleweed101 · 26/06/2019 09:04

I had a boy first and did want a girl when I got pregnant second time and was pleased when she was. Third time I didn’t mind and had another girl. Fourth I wanted a boy to even the numbers and had another girl.

I didn’t find out what I was having so only discovered boy/girl at birth with all of them.

Mostly though I was happy with having healthy babies and my preferences were mild not desperate. I wouldn’t have been disappointed if baby 2 had been another boy and I wasn’t bothered that baby 4 was another girl. Once they were in my arms they were who they are.

Thiswayorthatway · 26/06/2019 09:08

No YABVU, boy or girl, both brilliant

SorenLorensonsInvisibleFriend · 26/06/2019 09:23

I wanted a boy with all my heart, and had the best son I could possibly imagine. Second time around, I wouldn't have been sad to have another boy, but I did secretly long for a daughter.. and I was very lucky to have the most wonderful girl in the world! (Sorry everyone else!)

DennisSkinnersMolotov · 26/06/2019 09:26

I really wanted (and had) a boy, DH not bothered either way. Second time DH wanted a girl, I wanted another boy - I have been a teenage girl and did not want that kind of shit to be dealing with. I'm having another boy.

noreciprocityherefella · 26/06/2019 09:32

I wanted a girl with my first and felt terrible for having a preference after three very traumatic miscarriages before conceiving her. I then was even more keen on having a sister for her with our second, and we did. That said I absolutely know I would have adored boys just as much, I just found it more difficult to imagine (thanks to tricky relationships with my dad and brothers, probably). I think there are challenges inherent in raising either sex; raising my two DDs I’m having to shore them up against misogyny and male privilege to ensure they are confident enough to do whatever activities, studies and eventual jobs they want, but I know with boys I’d probably find challenge in helping them feel safe to buck male gender stereotypes too. It’s a tough lark, parenting

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 26/06/2019 09:59

You really shouldn't measure people by your own standards

I think, given your original comment, it's not just my own standards I'm measuring you by - quite a lot of people might think that a comment such as yours could only be made by a vacuous fool. But I will accept that maybe my standards are particularly high in terms of expecting most people to be bright enough not to stereotype a whole sex based on what some members of that sex do. Imagine stereotyping a whole religion or ethnicity or sexual orientation like that - you'd just look incredibly bigoted and a bit thick 🤔 Hence the satirical nature of my reply.

I'm interested though - whose standards do you usually measure people by, if not your own?

Or were you trying, and failing, to have a dig at me?

Ginger1982 · 26/06/2019 10:37

@MelonSlice what a bizarre comment to make. I'm quite happy raising my son thanks 🙄

MrsMiggins37 · 26/06/2019 19:13

Considering how many men are abusers, rapists and paedophiles, I'm surprised anyone would want to raise a male child.

Fuck off. Biscuit

Baddabingbaddaboom · 27/06/2019 13:11

Considering how many men are abusers, rapists and paedophiles, I'm surprised anyone would want to raise a male child.

Jesus fucking christ.

SirVixofVixHall · 27/06/2019 13:13

I have girls, and I love having daughters, but I would have been very happy to have a boy.