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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think most women hope for a baby girl?

665 replies

Rowennaravenclaw · 21/06/2019 20:21

I know, once the baby is here, we love them and wouldn't change them for anything, whatever their sex.

But before the baby arrives, I think that the majority of women want a daughter. If you google gender disappointment, there seem to be way more hits about wanting a girl than a boy. I think it's probably natural, seeing as we have all been little girls ourselves and so imagine them to be a known quantity, and people tend to be drawn to what is familiar. Of course it changes once the baby arrives and we get to know the special person they are.

So, controversial, but AIBU?

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 25/06/2019 10:45

@FionasWineShow its comments like that, that prove my point....

Ah seriously have you ever read Twitter and Youtube comments, men are the nastiest posters there by far, there are nasty people and not nasty people pretty equally in both sexes imo and experiences. It just makes me sad when i read women saying that other women are bitches and men are better, it's very divisive, I wish we could support eachother more because when we do it's such amazing support, the women in my life are my rocks

brassbrass · 25/06/2019 10:47

The fact is that in EVERY FAMILY I have ever known, the daughters are closer to the parents when they get older

This assumes that all families have a mixture of girls and boys! What do you think happens in families that only have boys Hmm

brassbrass · 25/06/2019 10:51

As a mother you have an enormous opportunity to raise balanced boys and girls but judging by the ridiculous comments on this thread it's the mothers who perpetuate dumb preferences of one over the other. If that preference starts when the child is in the womb then what hope is there FFS

AryaStarkWolf · 25/06/2019 10:54

As a mother you have an enormous opportunity to raise balanced boys and girls but judging by the ridiculous comments on this thread it's the mothers who perpetuate dumb preferences of one over the other. If that preference starts when the child is in the womb then what hope is there FFS

100%, some of the comments on this thread are so disappointing

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 25/06/2019 11:02

judging by the ridiculous comments on this thread it's the mothers who perpetuate dumb preferences of one over the other

Well its female dominated

Men also have these preferences

brassbrass · 25/06/2019 11:06

Men also have these preferences- Does that make it right then? Shock

crazyasafox · 25/06/2019 11:07

@FionasWineShow

I don't think everyone has had the same experience - in fact, I think most people go through the world generally unscathed by nasty, bitchy, judgmental women.

This thread just shows up some really deep-seated negative opinions towards girls and women. Ironically, from other women.

Agree with this.

There are some breathtakingly nasty comments on here about girls, and it is - as a pp said - very unpleasant to witness, and makes very uncomfortable reading.

I think there are some deep seated issues, very deeply rooted in some of the posters on here. And as has been said, comments like 'I would be devastated to have a girl/another girl,' and 'I would hate to have a girl because I hate pink' are somewhere between bizarre and upsetting.

As for the comments about girls being much harder work. So not true. Everyone I know who has both, has found raising girls easier, than they have found raising boys. I think some women are just trying to convince themselves otherwise for some bizarre reason.

I genuinely hope that none of the girl-haters on this thread ever have a daughter, and I do actually feel sorry for any future daughter-in-law they have.

You can guarantee in all the cases of the women on here who have problems with their mother-in-law, that the mother-in-law is a woman who hates girls. I thank God MY daughter's boyfriend has a mother who has one of each, and adores her daughter as much as her son. I would hate for her to be with a man who has a mother who hates women.

There are plenty of them on here, and it's horrible to read all the nasty comments from them. Horrible, sad, and disturbing.

SushiTime · 25/06/2019 11:08

I desperately wanted a girl. Would I have it any other way now I have a boy? Defiantly not Bear

brassbrass · 25/06/2019 11:09

Its not just girls though is it there are bonkers views about both. If you're biased from the outset then you become a self fulfilling prophecy.

AryaStarkWolf · 25/06/2019 11:11

@crazyasafox great post. I have one of each and both have been a pleasure. I can't imagine carrying a child for 9 months and being disappointed when they're born because of their sex.

crazyasafox · 25/06/2019 11:15

Thank you @AryaStarkWolf Smile

I also have both. And love both genders equally. I can't even comprehend loathing boys or loathing girls. I don't know wtf is wrong with people! Confused

Funnily enough, there does seem to be more women who hate girls, than there are women who hate boys.

Very odd. Confused

AryaStarkWolf · 25/06/2019 11:23

Funnily enough, there does seem to be more women who hate girls, than there are women who hate boys.

I swear the older I get and the more I read up on stuff on this subject, I believe it's social conditioning and it's almost ingrained, pit women against eachother and it's a great way to control us, working together, us women are a formidable force!

CynthiaRothrock · 25/06/2019 12:30

Aria i get your point but my own personal view is based on rl experience, not that of anonymous internet forums where lets face it, it could be a male, female or a bloody goat sat at the keyboard.
I think its fantastic that alot of you have not experienced or witnessed the nastines some of us have from other women and i am not a woman hater, i am just more aware of the levels of nastines that can come from women. Again men can be just as nasty but my personal experience is miniscule compared to women.

AryaStarkWolf · 25/06/2019 12:34

@CynthiaRothrock I promise I'm not a goat (although my typing is so bad people might think I'm typing with hooves Grin )

Well I'm sorry that those were your experiences, I hope that you have better ones in the future

DoingItForTheKids · 25/06/2019 12:37

I did. Girl first time and I wanted a girl again, if I'm really honest. Now I have a boy too, they are just babies when you meet them. They are so cute and need you regardless of their biological sex that you don't really notice boy or girl. As they grow into themselves and their personality you already love them. I don't know why I ever thought it would be different. I love having a boy now.

CynthiaRothrock · 25/06/2019 12:41

Sorry posted too soon. I too wish we all could be more supportive and nice to each other. Male and female. Unfortunately though that has never been my experience. Yes i have met some lovely women, but i have also been stabbed in the back by some of these so called.lovely women. Even the ones who i though were my friends. (It was one of my closest friend that started the rumour that i was shagging my boss. She knew full well i wasn't but that didnt stop her.) Then she recruited other women who at the time i considered friends to help spread her nastiness. I had 9 women who ignored me, ostracized me, spread rumors about me. Out of the 12 women in my office inc me only 2 stuck up for me, in turn the larger group of women turned on the 2 supportive ones. That shows that majority was the nasty party. There were 6 men in the dept. 4 stuck up for me. 2 didnt get involved -not that i asked anyone too, i was too busy trying to do my job and not have a break down. Yes this is only one example, i have plenty more but surley it shows.my point

CynthiaRothrock · 25/06/2019 12:43

Aria thank you. Like i have said i have some good friends male and female. I am just more wary of women in general due to lots of bad experiences. Wish I had had a supportive female friend growing up!

PopWentTheWeasel · 25/06/2019 12:47

YABU. There are so many factors. I have a difficult relationship with my mother and was thrilled when my DC1 was a boy. It made it easier for me to ensure I wasn't replicating my relationship with her with DC1 whilst I was still earning to parent. DC2 was a girl. DH was thrilled as he'd desperately wanted a girl. I'd loved having DS1 and was a bit "meh" about it. She's lovely now she's here but I'd have loved a 2nd boy.

AryaStarkWolf · 25/06/2019 12:53

@CynthiaRothrock that's awful but it isn't "typical" either I don't think. I'm 40 years old and have never experienced anything like that from other women, I suppose I've (luckily) had very little problems with anyone I worked with over the years, I mean you get people you don't get on with or like too much but that's just life, isn't it? Actually though the worst kind of people I've come across in work are always business men in suits who think they're so important and as a woman you're inferior or there to make them coffee.......

Also, what happened to you sounds like work place bullying, I hope you took it further?

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 25/06/2019 13:13

Some people forget that babies are people. Your baby isn't an extension of you. It doesn't exist to bring meaning to your life, to fulfill your wishes or to give you an opportunity to right any percieved wrongs from your own childhood. It's a person, a separate entity from you. Statements like "I don't want a girl because I don't like pink" or "I don't want a boy because I hate sports" are of course ridiculous for their vapid gender stereotyping, but also very revealing about people's attitudes to parenthood. They fail to acknowledge that as soon as you give birth to that child they cease to be a part of you and become a person in their own right.

LennyBelardo · 25/06/2019 13:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 25/06/2019 14:13

Does that make it right then? shock

Is it not a bit tiresome making stuff up?

Do please show me on this thread where i said ANY of it is ‘right’

CynthiaRothrock · 25/06/2019 14:31

Aria thank you for looking back and understanding my view even if we dont completely agree or share the same experience . Wish l could meet more women like you irl! I know the type of business men you mean and have met plenty but i still find these on the whole easier to deal with, its strange isn't it? But i suppose different strokes and all that...
I did complain at the time but this was quite a few years ago before hr was such a big thing and us wimmin were expected to put up an shut up Hmm (should add the "hr" person was female too but i was still in the wrong for being given a promotion..)

AryaStarkWolf · 25/06/2019 14:41

@CynthiaRothrock awww thanks, same to you

SushiForAmateurs · 25/06/2019 21:46

You can guarantee in all the cases of the women on here who have problems with their mother-in-law, that the mother-in-law is a woman who hates girls.

This is actually a really insightful point.it gives some insight into why some women make terrible MILs, and why some women get terrible MILs.

Clearly there are lots and lots of lovely, kind, caring decent MILs who have great relationships with their son/s' partners.

But likewise, there are a lot who truly don't.

It's sadly obvious that some of the more women-hating posters on here are going to be the latter type of MIL. And given they have sons, they're virtually guaranteed a DIL.

I mean, they'd hate to have a daughter - be devastated to, even. It's not exactly a reach to think they'd absolutely loathe someone who's not even their own flesh and blood.

I really hope my DD doesn't end up with one of these.