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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to travel this weekend

173 replies

bordellosboheme · 21/06/2019 17:14

Without going into details which be outing, I often have to travel weekends with the kids. Dp is keen as he has made arrangements to meet up with people. However, I'm knackered. It will involve a 5hr trip driving solo with 2 young kids in the car which is taxing as they yell, cry or fight some of this time. I have done quite a bit of this weekend travel but I'm sick of it. This weekend it's the time of the month and I've had punishing week in work with a punishing one to come next week. AIBU to stay put even if DP will be pissed off?? The children want to travel too, but I'm obviously the one driving. Should I stay put?

OP posts:
Original poster
bordellosboheme · 21/06/2019 17:15

I should say it is 2 1/2 hrs each way...

OP posts:
DirtyDennis · 21/06/2019 17:16

Do what's best for you, OP.

RosaWaiting · 21/06/2019 17:16

Yanbu. He can take them himself via public transport if it’s that important.

Notonthestairs · 21/06/2019 17:19

It's alright to put yourself first occasionally.

I think you need to talk to your DH about the frequency of your trips and agree a less tiring weekend timetable. It's a lot more fun when you aren't knackered.

I should take this advice - I've over committed for this weekend and am slightly dreading it...

Expressedways · 21/06/2019 17:23

Why are you DH’s plans contingent on you doing so much driving and the kids coming along too? I don’t understand the scenario but from what you’ve said YANBU- I wouldn’t want to regularly give up my weekend to do that amount driving.

Wilma55 · 21/06/2019 17:25

Doesn't he drive?

Mitzimaybe · 21/06/2019 17:30

I don't understand the scenario either. Are you taking the kids somewhere else leaving your DP home alone and he has arranged to meet up with people in your absence?

Or is DP working away and you are taking the kids to be with him where you will all meet up with these other people over the weekend?

Or some other scenario? Why will DP be pissed off?

Anyway, if you've had an exhausting week at work with the prospect of another one to come, YANBU to have a relaxing weekend at home instead of driving a 5 hour round trip with fighting children in the car. You might even say it would be dangerous as you will struggle to maintain your concentration.

Original poster
bordellosboheme · 21/06/2019 17:40

The scenario.....I'm a modern day commuting mum. The kids are with me in the week, go to school near my work and we commute home to dp most weekends and holidays. However I'm rapidly burning out and it's not a sustainable scenario. Dp won't move, so that's not an option.

OP posts:
RosaWaiting · 21/06/2019 17:45

Oh that’s mad
He will have to come to you or miss out this weekend.
Get some rest!

Hoppinggreen · 21/06/2019 17:47

Have a nice hilled out weekend
If your husband wants to see you he knows where you are

Mitzimaybe · 21/06/2019 17:49

Ah, so if DP comes to you instead then he doesn't get to meet up with his friends - I understand now.

You're right about burnout - sounds like you're getting to the point where you just can't keep all the plates spinning. Time for DP to pull his socks up and do his share. After all, it's not just the driving but the packing / making sure you've got everything etc. A huge mental and physical load, all on you.

Butterymuffin · 21/06/2019 17:49

Won't he even come to you for the weekend some of the time, in busy patches for you like this one? That would piss me off. You stay put and tell him to travel.

I would also say it sounds like 'home' is now where you and the kids are most of the time. It's just that he's choosing not to be there.

MitziK · 21/06/2019 17:50

If they're his kids, he can come and get them.

If not, just stay at home with them fighting in their own rooms.

Original poster
bordellosboheme · 21/06/2019 17:50

Only issue is I'm relying on him for child care during a series of important work events next week and am worried he's going to spot his dummy out and say I didn't play ball so he won't either...

OP posts:
EileenAlanna · 21/06/2019 17:53

He'll have to start taking a reasonable amount of turns driving to where you are at the weekends instead of you having to do it. Since he refuses to move that's the least he can do.

TellySavalashairbrush · 21/06/2019 17:55

He can get a train to yours. That’s a lot of travelling when you’re tired and have period pain.

TowelNumber42 · 21/06/2019 17:59

Sounds to me like you have it back to front. If I looked at your life I'd see a woman and her children who live in one town and they all visit the mum's boyfriend in another town every holiday and weekend, which is bonkers.

Apolloanddaphne · 21/06/2019 17:59

If you stay put with the DC then he can go see his friends if he stays where he is. One weekend off seeing each other might be a good idea. It sounds like you need a rest. Will your DC rebel at this idea?

Original poster
bordellosboheme · 21/06/2019 18:00

Thanks Buttery muffin the other place is still home in that our pets are there, it's a decent house (not the weekday crashpad), our friends are there. But I am struggling to cope with this scenario. Also kids get invited to stuff down here at the weekends. My mental health is starting to get affect ed by all this, so the kids must be too. They can spend summer hols at our family house and that's not far off!

OP posts:
MsJaneAusten · 21/06/2019 18:01

Is DP the childrens’ father? And did you move away or did he?

Kindlethefourth · 21/06/2019 18:01

Spit his dummy out and not play ball: these are his children. It's not childcare it's parenting. However much as you will likely get lots of posters saying this it's easier said than done if he just refuses isn't it? I would exaggerate the period pain and say it's unsafe to drive them such a long distance.

TowelNumber42 · 21/06/2019 18:01

Well if he's a dickhead and you have made yourself reliant on him next week then you'd better play nice this weekend. In the background organise your life so that in future you don't rely on your dickhead boyfriend 2.5hrs away for childcare.

Original poster
bordellosboheme · 21/06/2019 18:01

Yes DC are complaining they want to meet up with Dad, but they don't have to drive!

OP posts:
Original poster
bordellosboheme · 21/06/2019 18:02

Yes JaneAusten he's their dad and I moved away for financial reasons. A job opportunity.

OP posts:
TitianaTitsling · 21/06/2019 18:04

Who moved?