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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to travel this weekend

173 replies

bordellosboheme · 21/06/2019 17:14

Without going into details which be outing, I often have to travel weekends with the kids. Dp is keen as he has made arrangements to meet up with people. However, I'm knackered. It will involve a 5hr trip driving solo with 2 young kids in the car which is taxing as they yell, cry or fight some of this time. I have done quite a bit of this weekend travel but I'm sick of it. This weekend it's the time of the month and I've had punishing week in work with a punishing one to come next week. AIBU to stay put even if DP will be pissed off?? The children want to travel too, but I'm obviously the one driving. Should I stay put?

OP posts:
Samosaurus · 22/06/2019 10:01

You partner sounds useless, I’d kick him out of the family home and rent it out. He can either move to be with you and take on the bulk of the childcare, or sort himself out as a single man. This is a very strange set up - how did he get you to agree to it in the first place?

Cherrysoup · 22/06/2019 10:02

What a bonkers situation. I don’t think you can sustain this and him blocking you is absolutely pathetic.

Does he drive?

RosaWaiting · 22/06/2019 10:15

if you want to keep the house, he has to leave and you put tenants in the house.

you say you moved because of the job, but if you weren't funding 2 homes, would you need it? Could you move back to the house and get work there?

I can help thinking, such chaos to keep hold of a useless bloke. Do use the weekend to get your forward planning sorted.

Whatthefoxgoingon · 22/06/2019 10:17

No this can’t be real.

No one would do all the money earning, child rearing, weekend commuting and pay for a man to live in a big house on his own, at his leisure, doing fuck all.

I can’t have read that right.

GreenTulips · 22/06/2019 10:23

Did you mention time of the month for a specific reason?

Either you don’t feel well and drained, or there’s an expectation of sex, so no point going?

Which is it

sweeneytoddsrazor · 22/06/2019 10:31

Who decided on moving the children? Would he have been happy to be a SAHD during the week whilst you worked?

StCharlotte · 22/06/2019 10:38

There are voting buttons on this thread. I want to hit YANBU with gusto in the style of a judge hitting the golden button on BGT but I think YAB (a little bit) U for letting this ridiculous situation carry on.

I hope you can resolve something long term because this absolutely cannot carry on. Your partner sounds hideous I'm afraid.

Do you own the house? Could you kick him out and rent the house out until you can afford to move back?

Good luck OP, I really feel for you Flowers

BlueSkiesLies · 22/06/2019 10:41

Thank god he’s just a DP and not a DH

Separate, sell the house and kick him to the kerb. Don’t be a doormat

swingofthings · 22/06/2019 10:47

If this was the other way round people would be saying the wife should move due to the husbands career
5hey are many fathers who move to work to support the family staying in a room as a lodger and coming home to the family every weekend.

What we don't know here is whether 5he children with OP because she didn't want to be without them or because he wouldn't look after them during the week.

If the latter, I can sympathise, but if the true situation is that he didn't want the kids to go, but agree because OP insisted on the promises that she would come back with them every weekend, then it is really unfair to start saying that she won't stick to the agreed arrangement.

GreenTulips · 22/06/2019 10:49

You don’t know how the agreement came into play.

And at this point it’s doesn't matter because it’s not working and it needs to be discussed and changed - as you do in partnerships

RosaWaiting · 22/06/2019 10:57

Swing "but if the true situation is that he didn't want the kids to go"

but then he could have just gone with OP and the kids?

purplepeppapig · 22/06/2019 11:17

You moved so it is your responsibility to take the children to see their father.

MrHaroldFry · 22/06/2019 11:26

You are tired, tired enough to want to sleep and so not safe to drive. Your reaction time is severely impeded when you don't get enough sleep. Look at recent case of Anusha Ranganathan who was jailed for causing death by dangerous driving. Judge said she turned her car into a lethal weapon.
Do the right thing, and stay put, get sleep and try again next w/end.

TowelNumber42 · 22/06/2019 11:31

Houses are just houses. Get yourself free and happy. Build up your savings, stop funding a grown man to laze around and before you know it you'll find a new lovely house you adore. The new house won't be rammed full of shite memories of living with a lazy arse who you let take advantage of you.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 22/06/2019 11:37

This is unsustainable. Split up. Buy him out of the house. Rent it out.

MadeForThis · 22/06/2019 12:05

So he doesn't work much, doesn't do much childcare or parenting (except wkend parties), doesn't commute to work or visit his kids, stays close to family and friends, active social life, lives alone in a big house with all bills paid.

Wow

He's got it hard.

NothingTraLaLa · 22/06/2019 12:08

Leaving aside the whole commuting situation, I appreciate that he may be annoyed that he won't see you this weekend, but I don't understand why he considers his plans to be ruined.
Can't he see his friends without you? Or does he need you to hold his hand?

RosaWaiting · 22/06/2019 12:39

"I don't understand why he considers his plans to be ruined."

it's probably because he wants to show himself as a good parent, while in reality he cba to visit his children because he's got other social arrangements.

Clutterbugsmum · 22/06/2019 13:30

He works sporadically..... Well that needs to change.

Yes we're paying for 2 homes. No it's not WE it's YOU and only YOU. If he needs/wants to live somewhere different to you the HE needs to get a job.

Clutterbugsmum · 22/06/2019 13:35

Just think about how much time you will have both physically and mentally when you get rid of this manchild, that you will be able to put into both your own life and your children's.

How can he be a 'homebody' and yet can arrange meetings with his friends. Or does he mean he's a 'homebody' as an excuse not to put himself out to come to see you and your dc.

Pinkmouse6 · 22/06/2019 13:46

Is his name also on the mortgage? If not then he legally has no right to live there. I would leave him, kick him out of your home and rent it out until you can find a job local to that home. That way you have extra income and your ‘dream home’ doesn’t sit empty but you equally don’t have ‘D’p basically leeching off you.

That’s all he is doing, leeching. He doesn’t work, won’t travel to you and you currently live 2.5 hours away with your DC who go to school in that place. You have pretty much already cut the cord, you just need to dispose of it.

Original poster
bordellosboheme · 22/06/2019 19:43

Yes his name is on the mortgage. He owns half the house

OP posts:
RosaWaiting · 22/06/2019 19:52

Bugger! I was hoping he didn’t.

Oh well, no house is worth this. He has to get whatever he’s entitled to, but then you start again.

Your current life must be costing a fortune.

Hope you are feeling better for having a rest.

AngeloMysterioso · 22/06/2019 20:03

I can understand wanting to keep the house you love and needing to move for work. But why didn't the kids stay with DP, who doesn't really work anyway? He could have done school runs and things, everyone stays in the family area, which I presume is where you want to return to?

This was my first thought too. No answer from the OP though, curious...

Original poster
bordellosboheme · 22/06/2019 21:26

We did that arrangement Angelo and though it mostly worked, there were elements of unreliability. I cant go into details!

OP posts:
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