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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to travel this weekend

173 replies

bordellosboheme · 21/06/2019 17:14

Without going into details which be outing, I often have to travel weekends with the kids. Dp is keen as he has made arrangements to meet up with people. However, I'm knackered. It will involve a 5hr trip driving solo with 2 young kids in the car which is taxing as they yell, cry or fight some of this time. I have done quite a bit of this weekend travel but I'm sick of it. This weekend it's the time of the month and I've had punishing week in work with a punishing one to come next week. AIBU to stay put even if DP will be pissed off?? The children want to travel too, but I'm obviously the one driving. Should I stay put?

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 21/06/2019 18:04

Why can’t you move? Why are you running two houses? Seems like madness

MsJaneAusten · 21/06/2019 18:05

While I massively sympathise and would hate to do that much driving every weekend, is this what the two of you agreed to? Is there a long term plan for you to all move to the same place?

TowelNumber42 · 21/06/2019 18:05

Why did they have to move schools because of your work? Could he not be trusted to look after them if you were away in the week? Why doesn't he drive down to pick them up sometimes? Can you get the train?

MrsElizabethShelby · 21/06/2019 18:07

Your set up is what is complete madness. Why is your DP alone in the family house and you took the children with you to where you work?
It should surely be the other way round with the kids in the family home with DP in the week and you traveling home alone at weekends?

RomanyQueen · 21/06/2019 18:07

What a complicated life, glad it's not mine. YANBU to not want to drive every weekend. however, this is absurd, you or he needs to move, it's that simple.

Original poster
bordellosboheme · 21/06/2019 18:11

Er thanks Romany Hmm

OP posts:
ScatteredMama82 · 21/06/2019 18:12

Why can't the kids stay in the family home with Dad and you travel alone? We do it the other way round - DH (military) works away Mon-Fri for his current posting. The kids and I are at home and he does the commuting on his own. It's much easier on the kids that way.

Butterymuffin · 21/06/2019 18:13

I get what you're saying OP about your family home, but you've moved the kids to different schools where you are. That's what you'd do for a long term proposition in my view, not something temporary. What made you decide that rather than them staying in the same schools and being with their dad during the week?

Original poster
bordellosboheme · 21/06/2019 18:15

Well yes ideally though over time I'd feel utterly shit about being away from them 5 nights a week every week. And what if I needed to get to them quickly?

OP posts:
MzHz · 21/06/2019 18:21

Yet their dad has no problem with it.

Completely get where your coming from op, you do sound frazzled and you do need to care for yourself too.

Teachermaths · 21/06/2019 18:23

OP you chose to move away from their dad. Harsh as it sounds, this was of your making.

Original poster
bordellosboheme · 21/06/2019 18:30

Not entirely of my making teachermaths. Dp can't get steady work. My job got reduced in hrs, so I had to move towards better opportunities as im the breadwinner!

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 21/06/2019 18:32

Teachermaths you could also put that as 'their dad chose not to move with them'. Sounds like it was agreed between them to do this.

OP- what was your and your DP's future plan when you got this job? For you to move back in time or for him to join you?

Ginger1982 · 21/06/2019 18:35

I appreciate how you feel but surely this cannot be sustainable long term? I'm amazed your DP was happy to let you go 2.5 hours away with his kids and not go too. I'm amazed you're still together!

fedup21 · 21/06/2019 18:35

I can understand why you had to move for work, but you have moved the children and their schools but your DH hasn’t come with you!?

That is a really odd set up! So you can afford to run two houses?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 21/06/2019 18:40

So did the children used to go to school back where dp lives?

adaline · 21/06/2019 18:41

The entire set up is ridiculous.

Fair enough you moved for work, but why on earth did you drag your kids into it?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 21/06/2019 18:41

If a woman on here said her dh took a job 2.5h away and was (1) taking the job without discussion and (2) taking the dc with him; even though their mum and their schools and lives were with mum at the original home, there would be MN Uproar.

MrsAmaretto · 21/06/2019 18:45

So he’s not working? Yet not living with his wife and kids? Is he meant to be coming to where you and the kids are next week?

I think you are going to have to suck it up this weekend, but maybe just stay in bed? You can’t risk him not helping next week?

But, this is your wake up call. This is insane. You are going to have to sort it out - you and the kids have a life 2.5hours away he needs to reconnect with his family or move on. And ffs he needs to come to you guys some weekends

Original poster
bordellosboheme · 21/06/2019 18:47

He works sporadically.....

OP posts:
AyBeeCee10 · 21/06/2019 18:50

If hes the one with the sporadic work then he has more downtime than you. Why is he not doing the travelling. Cant you sell up and stay put where you currently are? This is madness and not sustainable.

GreenTulips · 21/06/2019 18:51

If he’s not working does he travel to you in those weeks or help with the kids stay over etc?

He’s got the life of Riley and you’re paying for it

YouTheCat · 21/06/2019 18:51

Why can't he drive/train to you on alternate weekends?

EileenAlanna · 21/06/2019 18:56

What payment is DP making towards your housing situation & general upkeep? If he isn't in steady work is he able to pay for the house there or are you financing both places? If your move for employment is permanent then it makes no sense to keep the former home. He needs to face the fact that whether he wants to or not he needs to move to the new location to be with his family.

swingofthings · 21/06/2019 18:56

So was did the agreement of you moving with the kids come with you promising to come back every weekend?

If so it is unfair on him and the kids to back out. Why can't you do it, then relax the weekend whilst he take care of the kids and you.

2 1/2 hours doesn't feel that much time over a weekend.