To bring my own meal to and not drink at 30th bday dinner...

[HappyRambler]

The dinner was organised 6 months ago for a friends 30th, it's a group of 6 of us from school and the birthday girl is cooking (she lives quite far away and we dont see each other often as all of us have kids etc).

In those last 6 months I've lost 3 stone and have 1 more to lose. I've been on a strict diet and avoided alcohol, takeaways etc. Would it be awful if I brought my usual plate of veggies and didnt drink alcohol (shes invited us all to stay overnight so no worry about lifts). My friend is quite overweight and doesn't eat the healthiest so I just know it will be a big calorie laden dinner followed by desert and washed down by A LOT of alcohol (something I dont miss and might never start drinking again) that could set me back and throw me off course. I'm an all or nothing kind of person! I dont want to be rude but I dont want to sabotage my diet either!

@Proseccoinamug

Aww why would you let something like that ruin your party?

It's just one night. Don't drink alcohol though, it's empty calories and limit the size of your dinner. You'll be fine!

Sounds more like you're on the verge of developing an eating disorder rather than developing a healthy diet.

I think there are worse habits than carrying vegetables around, crack cocaine for instance or knives? 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Aside from that congrats on 3 stone off OP that's brilliant. I can understand the fear of undoing your good work by having a night off, I'm the same with alcohol it's all or nothing.

Ignore the doom-mongerers. Misery loves company and all that. I lost 2.5 stone after having my DS over 10 years ago and never regained it.

Have a lovely time with your lovely friend.

Proseccoinamug

If you were my friend I’d rather you didn’t come, and even asking would spoil my party.

Could I ask why the asking would spoil your party? I'm not trying to be goady or anything, I'm genuinely interested in your answer (mumsnet is great for finding out why people think and act in the ways they do!).

Well done OP, and she sounds absolutely lovely, a really genuine person whose priority is having her friends with her to celebrate, regardless of what they are eating and drinking.

It's great that she sounds relieved that you won't be drinking either - it's scary that so many people wouldn't want someone who isn't drinking at their celebration - it's the only drug that you have to justify NOT taking

One meal won’t kill you,

Love for the moment.

Tell her that you have gone vegan. That rules out cheesy meals/pizza/ burgers etc.
Orrrrr just go there and just eat a little bit and tell people you are a bit crook /upset stomach.
OR just bring your own food, explain the situation and get on with it. You are no less fun if you don't eat shit food. (Ok maybe a bit less fun if you don't drink i guess haha)

FFS just eat a small portion of whatever she’s making and decline dessert. You’re being ridiculous to make a song and dance about this.

I was all ready to post "why don't you just ask?"
I would say it was a bit off if it was a dinner party hosted by an acquaintance, colleague etc, but this is a night in with a bunch of old friends where the focus is going to be having a good laugh and catching up!

However it really won't hurt you to relax ever so slightly if you only have a stone to go! Speaking from experience, if you begin gradually increasing what you are eating (but still maintaining a small deficit) as you get nearer to goal it makes it much easier to adjust to eating a "normal" healthy diet and keeping it off without continuing to lose too much.

You’re allowed one day off, it won’t make you suddenly gain a stone. Just go and enjoy yourself for Heaven’s sake.

@Yeahnahmum

Why would you consider someone to be less fun for not drinking?! I wouldn't judge someone for being tee total or doing ten shots, each to their own, someone who is no fun is no fun regardless of their alcohol intake in my eyes.

Just for the more recent posters, I spoke to my friend and she was absolutely fine with it, her reply is a page or 2back I think

@pinkmouse6

The problem is I wouldn't be enjoying myself if I let go...

Sounds more like you're on the verge of developing an eating disorder rather than developing a healthy diet.

This. Happened to someone I know. She’s done amazing but replaced one form of food addiction with another. You can’t spend your life surviving on nothing but plates of vegetables fgs

And also even now she still eats so restrictively the weight still doesn’t stay off. Keeping slim is very difficult now that she’s restricted everything already and has no other cuts to make.

Plate of veggies that includes a chicken 🤣🤣😂
From what you’re wanting to take I don’t know why you have to take this with you to places. I know you’ve spoken to friend but of you rocked up with chicken when you’ve been talking about veg I would take offense

Omg don't go! You'd be such a joykill. It's a one off celebration, I'd be gutted if a close friend turned up with a plate of veggies for herself, wouldn't eat anything I'd worked hard to prepare, and wouldn't have a drink. It would ruin the dynamic of the party and make everyone else feel weird and reluctant to relax! I'd be worried that your diet might be going a bit too far if you can't even have one evening off! Either just get involved or don't go - nobody wants a judgey killjoy at a party (which is how you'd definitely come across, turning up with a plate of vegetables and turning down everything provided by the host!)

So you're mind reading that I'd be judging... and would you be worried about my health or more annoyed I've made you feel uncomfortable with actions (no words of judgement)... which is it? Concern or your insecure?
@jemima

Also my lovely friend replied and shes not bothered/as insecure :)

I would find this rude. Just leave a bit and have a tiny helping of pud. Say you're just on the water.

Not drinking is fine but as a cook, I would be offended if a friend brought her own food. I would maybe text her saying you're sorry to be annoying but you're on a particular diet and would she mind either providing appropriate food or if you brought it yourself to save her the hassle.

Either way it's sure to make everyone else fee shit if you bring your healthy food while they tuck into something else tbh. Like you're judging them.

Can't you take a night off?

Yes. Sorry, but you would be.
My friend did this at our friends house when she was trying to lose weight.
Our friend had gone to a lot of effort in cooking for 8 of us. I was horrified.

AquaPris & Knowivedonewrong but the friend genuinely doesn't seem to mind, and just wants the OP there to celebrate with her. She does not appear to be offended or horrifed. Why is the OP BU, despite this?

No. Just have a day off from diet . Let your hair down and enjoy yourself, you've done well losing 3st so you deserve a treat meal and a few glasses of wine. I wouldn't even mention that you're on a diet as it'll only cause attention and make your overweight friend feel self-conscious of her own weight issues.
One day off the wagon will only cause you to gain 5lb max and you can soon fix that with a few days of vlc eating

You'll gain the weight back. I'm not saying this to insult you but it's just a fact. Many diets fail in the long run and generally super restrictive diets like this fail eventually.

It’s attitudes like this that keep people fat and self-hating. Plenty of people lose weight and keep it off. Go to r/loseit and you’ll see thousands of them.