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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To bring my own meal to and not drink at 30th bday dinner...

242 replies

HappyRambler · 21/06/2019 17:10

The dinner was organised 6 months ago for a friends 30th, it's a group of 6 of us from school and the birthday girl is cooking (she lives quite far away and we dont see each other often as all of us have kids etc).

In those last 6 months I've lost 3 stone and have 1 more to lose. I've been on a strict diet and avoided alcohol, takeaways etc. Would it be awful if I brought my usual plate of veggies and didnt drink alcohol (shes invited us all to stay overnight so no worry about lifts). My friend is quite overweight and doesn't eat the healthiest so I just know it will be a big calorie laden dinner followed by desert and washed down by A LOT of alcohol (something I dont miss and might never start drinking again) that could set me back and throw me off course. I'm an all or nothing kind of person! I dont want to be rude but I dont want to sabotage my diet either!

OP posts:
Reastie · 21/06/2019 19:55

Op I’m so glad she was so good about it. I have a very restricted diet and find eating out really hard to do. I get really embarrassed about it and want to bring my own food so I know I can have something suitable (it’s not a straight forward diet so someone could make me something thinking it was ok and it might not be) and I find it very difficult going out for meals because of this. Well done on the weight loss :)

DaisyCarrington · 21/06/2019 20:03

It's a party to enjoy each other's company not a come dine with me rating

Exactly.
No-one would agree with someone being pressured to drink so why would they think it's okay to force food on someone.

TheRedBarrows · 21/06/2019 20:06

Well Done OP!
You are going to have a BRILLIANT weekend.

Kyogre · 21/06/2019 20:08

You'll gain the weight back. I'm not saying this to insult you but it's just a fact. Many diets fail in the long run and generally super restrictive diets like this fail eventually.

That’s absolute rubbish and sounds very much like an insult. The OP has been losing less than 2 pounds a week which doesn’t sound anything like a super restrictive diet.

carla1983 · 21/06/2019 20:19

I think you should not bring your own food. But eat and drink in moderation or have small portions. No one will notice or care.

If it was my birthday and I was cooking I'd be really unimpressed if someone decided to not eat my food and bring their own. That's making a statement.

carla1983 · 21/06/2019 20:20

Ignore the naysayers about your diet. I lost 1.5 stone a few years ago and have not gained it back yet. I have remained at the same weight with little effort

Jade218 · 21/06/2019 20:21

It's definitely unreasonable. If you were eating at a restaurant then no, but you are going to come across as rude. Surely you can have a really small portion?

I understand diets but if you eat very little the rest of the day and have a small portion and drink water then surely that would work?

Nothing wrong with refusing the alcohol IMO but refusing the food is seriously rude and OTT

PeoniesarePink · 21/06/2019 20:33

Glad to see your update OP.

If its a good friend, then I wouldn't be remotely offended if they brought something to suit their dietary wishes.

Well done on the weight loss Flowers

Sarahandco · 21/06/2019 20:35

I don't think it is rude at all, contact the host and tell her about your diet. She may offer to prepare you what is on your diet - I would. She would probably prefer that you are not put off coming. Take some nice flavoured water or something to drink instead of alcohol.

SallyWD · 21/06/2019 20:43

Unlike everyone else who's saying you should have small portions I say go and indulge! Feast and enjoy yourself. It'll do you good. You won't even put on a pound after 1 night.

girlofthenorth · 21/06/2019 20:51

I know this fear, but wow 3 stone is amazing and you are not going to revert to bad habits after one night, don't put so much pressure on yourself.
You will lose the rest of the weight you need, just eat sensibly and back to the diet the next day, and as others have said, you can turn down alcohol .

Could you take a salad to share and tuck into that and eat only a bit of what's served ? This may have been mentioned I haven't read the whole thread ! That doesn't look rude as it's for everyone.

If it were two or three nights it might well make a difference, which I have found to my peril when I visit certain friends who use a lot of cream butter and cheese in the cooking . I always come back half a stone heavier!

girlofthenorth · 21/06/2019 20:53

Oops just read your friend replied ..she sounds nice !

Usuallyinthemiddle · 21/06/2019 21:49

Yay!!!

llangennith · 21/06/2019 23:07

@Sarahandco rtft before you post anything. The OP updated 90 minutes before your post that she had heard back from her friend that it was ok.

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 21/06/2019 23:35

I see your update and am pleased for you, she sounds lovely.
I do have a question though. You can't possibly be eating just veggies all the time, so can't you take your own meal that looks more like a proper meal?

Bwekfusth · 22/06/2019 06:43

@HappyRambler what are you going to do when the last stone comes off? Your current diet doesn't sound sustainable. I can't see it being a lifelong thing.

Loopytiles · 22/06/2019 07:47

Always nice to read positive things about friendship! Hope you all have a great time.

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 22/06/2019 07:55

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

MsMarvellous · 22/06/2019 08:53

If it was a big meal out or something then yes, rude. But if it's at your friends place and you speak to her beforehand, I don't see the issue. If I have people over I tell them what I'm cooking beforehand. If someone said can I bring X instead because Y I'd say yes, unless it was for a reason I could accommodate them I'd change my meal.

Point is, I'd want my friends to come and enjoy themselves and not feel uncomfortable.

MsMarvellous · 22/06/2019 08:54

Damn. Missed your update. You sound like brilliant friends. Have a fab time
X

BlueSkiesLies · 22/06/2019 08:57

You don’t have to drink or eat desert, but fuck me you’ll be incredibly rude and look like you have an eating disorder if you take a ‘plate of veggies’.

Eat lightly the rest of the day and exercise self control and eat a smaller portion when you are at the dinner party.

The very fact you are even thinking of doing this is not a great indication you’ll be able to resume normal life off this diet.

BlueSkiesLies · 22/06/2019 08:59

Ok well she’s said it’s fine to take veggies.

I’d think this was very odd and would probably tell you “of course” whilst thinking “wtf” privately.

Original poster
HappyRambler · 22/06/2019 09:11

A lot of people seem concerned about my plate of veggies... I didnt mean a literal plate of just vegetables, it was a quick way of saying.... chicken, broccoli, carrots, spinach and rice....

OP posts:
Proseccoinamug · 22/06/2019 09:50

If you were my friend I’d rather you didn’t come, and even asking would spoil my party.
Glad your friend took it well though.

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 22/06/2019 09:57

She seems like a lovely friend and you clearly get on very well. I do think breaching it in advance privately has helped to clear the way though! Have a lovely time Grin

P.S. Slimline schweppes elderflower tonic has minimal calories, is quite filling and counts as fancy enough for a party, IMO Wink