In Laws... at boiling point

[Jen8888]

IL's have DS one day a week while I'm at work.
My mum also has him another day, and my grandma the third day.

My mum and grandma couldn't be more generous, and have nappies, wipes, toys, books, his favourite foods etc all ready for him and so it really is a home from home and taking the pressure off me to have a bag/packed lunch etc each day.

My IL's on the other hand;

• Expect food to be provided; Breakfast, lunch and tea as well as a beaker of full fat milk as they "only drink semi" and got forbid they couldn't buy a pint.
• They expect nappies, wipes, calpol, nappy bags, toys EVERYTHING to be provided.

And remind me when things are running low.

When I'm packing his things up at the end of the day they say things like, "are they yours or mine?" For things like wipes (which I have provided).

They live 45-60 mins away and I'm fed up of driving frozen fish fingers up the motorway and having the added pressure of this especially I'm returning to work FT in a month.

AIBU and what can I do? I'm so nervous about going back to work FT (DS is starting nursery for 2 days) and I feel like the IL's are getting to me 

And if they've only got him one day a week, good/milk etc will go off and be wasted so no point them buying food in for that one day!

Two of my friends are great grannies in their early 60s, they could easily do childcare @ollo.

Food not good

They expect nappies, wipes, calpol, nappy bags, toys

Im not surprised!! You SHOULD be providing these things!!

Oh dear OP, you're being a CF.

Yes it is nice if they provided these things on top of the free child care, but there is no obligation on them to do this and it's very entitled of you to expect it.

Don't really see why they should be expected to buy wipes and nappies and all the rest of it and provide free childcare.

If driving so far once a week is getting on your nerves then make other arrangements. If you want to continue with this arrangement you should provide the ILs with the things your child needs.

You do realise OP that you will have to pack a bag every day to take to nursery?

The first nursery DD went to as a baby we had to provide nappies, wipes, cream, all food, milk, everything. The last one she went to provided all that but was 3 times the cost. We were still expected to provide at least one full set of clean clothes every day.

I have never known anyone with a baby leave the house without a changing bag. Why on earth would you expect your ILs to have the right size nappies etc? My 7mo DGD arrives with a huge rucksack when she comes to us. Even then I get fed up because they don't put enough spare clothes in and she goes through them fast. Now she's on solids they also send a jar of food, because me & DH don't stock babyfood in our house.

I thought it was bad enough (in general terms) that Grandparents these days feel that they have to provide regular child care when parents are working. I know several who find it exhausting and would really rather not, but didn't feel they could refuse.

But is this the next level that it's going to go to? Grandparents being expected to provide everything AS WELL AS their time and energy?

Talk about being taken for granted...

Yabu we went to Rome and family looked after DC nappies wipes food clothes toys calpol were full stocked and provided. I wouldn't have dreamed of not providing essentials when they were doing me the favour.

Do you think they would provide more if your DH took your child to them, OP? In fact, does he do this at all?

Yes, for those grandparents particularly how are hard up or CBA with the provision of stuff for small children, bringing supplies with you is a must. But when you said they objected even to buying a pint of full fat milk once a week, thats something a bit more than you expecting everything handed to you on a plate.

Many grandparents enjoy buying stuff for visiting gc, so that on its own doesn't make you a CF.

How nice that your DH/DP is benefitting from so much free childcare from your side of the family.

(I'm only assuming that your child actually has two parents living together because you mentioned the grandparents).

Hi OP,

I think you're getting a bit of a hard time.

I completely understand, and it would be nice if your IL's made as much of an effort as your own family.

However, they obviously feel the same way as some of the posters ^^. I think you've got a few options.

1. send DS to nursery for an extra day & if IL's ask tell them bits of the truth. It's not cost effective for you to travel so far, and provide meals etc, so it makes more sense.
2. ask them to give you a price for how much they would need/want to look after DS & all of his needs for the day they have him (factoring in food/nappies etc) and ask if they would buy the supplies with their weekly shop.
3. do nothing & just carry on with the status quo.

The op is getting such a hard time because she is being an entitled arse who should be grateful she has free childcare.

Anyway I call reverse. No-one can be this entitled and cheeky surely? The op is the mil I reckon

So not only are your in laws providing free child care you also expect them to provide all the food and paraphernalia associated with caring for YOUR child.

Wow, you really do like taking advantage.

If you don't like it then pay for child care...easy problem to solve.

Another thread with a new poster, no posting history and a controversial topic, that posts then disappears.

She's probably at work and will come back later!
It's not a particularly controversial subject.

I doubt the OP will be back - it's not nice to find out that you are the CF.
I looked after my dgd s and their mums would drop the off with a full changing bag, and often some food. 3 meals? That's a long day!
Yes I had some wipes and a few spare nappies but dd and dil provided most.
Perhaps your in-laws are on a limited income? Or they might just be fed up of your grappy attitude

This can't be real, no-one would expect this

OP they are supplying FREE childcare, do you ever think about how desperate other parents are for that?! So fair enough that they expect you to bring supplies.

Yes perhaps she will. It’s just that there’s a lot of this, people starting a thread with no history that is controversial ( and this is - PILs and childcare threads always get a lot of attention ) then disappearing. I often wonder who’s behind it.

OP, I don't think YABU. Perhaps its a cultural thing - on the contrary my parents would have thought it odd if you felt the need to provide every single thing your son/their grandchild needs. It's something I often recognise on MN. My aunt for example has a key to my apartment and can happily let herself in whenever she's between shifts and make herself lunch or whatever. On Mumsnet this would horrify people.

That aside, consider nursery and only seeing them when its a family thing. Then none of you will feel this aggrieved. But for what little its worth I totally see where you are coming from. Your mum/gran sound much like mine.

nappies, wipes, calpol, nappy bags, toys

These things should be provided, if you're DC was eating/driving the same as them it wouldn't be a big deal for them to provide a portion but if he's eating different things to them you should provide them, wonderfully generous of they say no but no way would that be an expectation. YABU

Nappies, wipes, calpol....totally reasonable of them to expect you to provide that, why don't you just buy a good stock, leave it there and get them to tell you when they're running low.

RE food, yeah they could feed him as it's only once a week but again depending on what food you're taking him just either give them some money for their shopping and ask them to get some bits in they know he likes. These things don't have to be complicated. I would never look after someones baby and provide nappies etc, that really is CF'ery at it's finest.

Your not you're
Drinking not driving

I can’t believe how unreasonable you’re being.

They’re providing free childcare, depriving them of freedom and time - and you want them to pay for the privilege as well?!

Get your husband to arrange the bag the day before he goes to theirs even if you have to take him. Leave a stash of stuff with them and if it’s too much trouble, just let him have semi skimmed milk one day a week.

You have no idea how lucky you are to have such generous people - your PIL are just slightly less generous than your mum and granny.

I’d apply for a full time nursery place as soon as you can though, it’s really unfair to expect parents/grandparents/PIL to do this long term.

How on earth is this cheeky fuckery? They are close family? Surely most grandparents actually want to see their grandchildren regularly?
Shes driving a long way for this. Probably not saving tonnes at all.

I think your dh should do the drop offs to his parents and sorting out of bags on those days if thats the sort of penny pinching hes used to, because id find it hurtful