In Laws... at boiling point

[Jen8888]

IL's have DS one day a week while I'm at work.
My mum also has him another day, and my grandma the third day.

My mum and grandma couldn't be more generous, and have nappies, wipes, toys, books, his favourite foods etc all ready for him and so it really is a home from home and taking the pressure off me to have a bag/packed lunch etc each day.

My IL's on the other hand;

• Expect food to be provided; Breakfast, lunch and tea as well as a beaker of full fat milk as they "only drink semi" and got forbid they couldn't buy a pint.
• They expect nappies, wipes, calpol, nappy bags, toys EVERYTHING to be provided.

And remind me when things are running low.

When I'm packing his things up at the end of the day they say things like, "are they yours or mine?" For things like wipes (which I have provided).

They live 45-60 mins away and I'm fed up of driving frozen fish fingers up the motorway and having the added pressure of this especially I'm returning to work FT in a month.

AIBU and what can I do? I'm so nervous about going back to work FT (DS is starting nursery for 2 days) and I feel like the IL's are getting to me 

What is CF?

Someone was complaining about the opposite situation last week. Perhaps you should swap pils.

CF is cheeky fucker.

Op this has to be a wind up as surely nobody could be so fucking entitled as to think that the grandparents should provide nappies, wipes etc. Your child, you fund him. I suggest you organise an extra day at nursery.

Maybe see if you can get a monthly shop for them with the items?

I think you’ve been a bit spoiled by your experience with your DM and DGM.

2 options I think are best are:

• (assuming you don’t give them any £) ask if they would be ok if you gave them some cash towards buying the stuff DC need and you stop bringing it to simplify things. £5 a day perhaps to cover costs.
• move to nursery for that day explaining that it will be easier for you

When we had help from grandparents in the early years, we never once expected them to provide nappies, wipes, calpol etc.

You sound ungrateful, tbh.

Nappies, wipes, calpol, clothes and snacks I’d be expecting to provide but I’d be a little at all meals and milk to be honest.
When my mum has my eldest when she was baby I provided everything but main meals, I don’t think it’s too much to expect them to do that really, even if it is free childcare. It is their grandson...
Saying that though my mum recently had my two for four days and I provided everything but she was staying at mine and I got stuff in for her too, plus presents when I got back from my mini break.
Do they struggle for money OP?
Once when I was little and my Nan had me, my mum forgot to pack nappies and she was so embarrassed about it.

I’m never sure if I believe these threads. Where has OP gone? It’s like someone writes something knowing that the response with be YBU and then just waits and watches for the results

You expect 3 family members to have paid for and have supplies of the right size of nappies, calpol, wipes, nappy sacks, toys food, drink and provide regular free childcare. 😂 Do they also need to bow when you enter a room? Your family has made you think this is normal, it isn't, parents usually provide baby kit for their own child.

All to take the pressure of you or your dh (his job too!) to stick the stuff you already have at home in a bag each day for YOUR child, or even have a bag which you just top up every week.

You should not only be providing this stuff for them but also regular bottles of wine/boxes of chocolates/flowers/gratitude for helping you out so much.

The only thing that would bug me would be the 45min-60min, is this an additional commute? Can your dh do one way or use the nursery for another day and visit them at weekends instead.

You could ask them to come to you, and offer to pay their petrol.

You could send him to nursery an extra day a week.

Those are things you could do.

I think the problem is you are spoilt by your own parents and dgm.
YABVVVU

Or you could say to them, why don't you get the things in he needs - nappies, wipes, Calpol, meals - and I'll pay for them. I could organise you an online shop once a fortnight, or you could keep your receipts and I'll pay you back.

I am a gp and love looking after my gdcs, but nappies were always provided by their parents and the dgcs went through different stages and phases of feeding, so often their parents would provide the food too (although they often wanted what I had too).

I'd never begrudge them anything but we've spent a fortune over the years on car seats as the requirements have changed.

Could ILs look after dc at your house instead?

My in laws have my two for two afternoons a week, one of the days my dh works from home at their house so pitches in. We provide nappies, wipes, nappy bags, metatanium, a few changes of clothes. I will make their lunch and send it usually if not I inform my mil beforehand and she will rustle them up some lunch. Ds still drinks milk and they happily provide him with some. They do not buy in extra things for the kids but are happy to share what they have and I am grateful for that. Mil will also pack my tea if she has made something she knows I like.

My mum would be more like yours and when we go to visit already buys in the kids cereals, smacks and nappies etc. However she still buys my favourite food items if she knows I am coming to visit. I would just look to up his days at nursery.

Your own patents generosity has skewed your perspective I think .
Any free childcare is a huge favour and of course your in-laws shouldn't have to fork out for supplies on top.
As if !
That commute doesn't sound sustainable anyway , just get an extra nursery day .

So they provide free childcare but you expect them to buy stuff and be out of pocket as well? YABU.

I provide everything for my child when they go to grandparents. All of them would provide stuff but I'm already asking them for free child care the least I can do is provide everything they need so they don't have to worry about it or spend their money.

You just don't like your in laws.

My in-laws offered to do a days childcare for us, we provided nappies, milks, change of clothes, and food when weaning. I would never have expected this to be provided. They have some toys which stay at there house but that's the only things they have provided. The nursery we use also expects nappies and milk to be provided too. YABU

Wow it sounds as you have childcare on tap. I understand it’s harder when you’re expected to pick everything up. You should up nursery hours if it’s that hard.

Is this a reverse and you are actually one of the in-laws?
I can't believe you think it's out of order to provide food and supplies for your son, when he is being cared for and it's costing you nothing.
You come across as selfish and entitled.

How rude of them to expect you to provide for your own child!

If you don’t like the FREE childcare they provide pay for nursery or a childminder!

I think they are being a bit mean not having any whole milk or food he likes in - nappies etc are one thing but not even a drink of milk? I imagine if and when I am a grandparent I would have a few toys and bits and pieces so that my grandchildren enjoy coming to see me. It seems a bit weird that they literally provide nothing.

You are lucky to get some free childcare from family but if it involves a long drive and they don’t even seem to be that enthusiastic about their grandchild then I can imagine it is more stress than it is worth.

Them not providing basic stuff it is a bit of a strong statement imo that they consider him your family, not theirs. My family wouldnt be like this, but neither would Dps. Are they super skint?

YABVVU and I think you're being a CF.

Of course you should provide the stuff they asked about - that's entirely reasonable of them to request that. It's hassle and money for them when they're helping you out by providing you regular childcare. It's one thing that your mum and grandmother (I can't believe your GP is looking after your child regularly?!) to do so off their own backs but consider yourself incredibly lucky you have such an amazing supportive family (on both sides). I really hope you show your thanks in some way or another.

When mine were little and I PAID a childminder I still provided all those things. O top of fees. Because my eldest was very fussy and I couldn't guarantee he'd eat what was on their daily meal list. It is what it is Op. free childcare.

Either put him in nursery for the day he'd be with you pIL or suck it up.

Also some nurseries, creche and activities ask you to provide food, nappies and milk/drinks.