In Laws... at boiling point

[Jen8888]

IL's have DS one day a week while I'm at work.
My mum also has him another day, and my grandma the third day.

My mum and grandma couldn't be more generous, and have nappies, wipes, toys, books, his favourite foods etc all ready for him and so it really is a home from home and taking the pressure off me to have a bag/packed lunch etc each day.

My IL's on the other hand;

• Expect food to be provided; Breakfast, lunch and tea as well as a beaker of full fat milk as they "only drink semi" and got forbid they couldn't buy a pint.
• They expect nappies, wipes, calpol, nappy bags, toys EVERYTHING to be provided.

And remind me when things are running low.

When I'm packing his things up at the end of the day they say things like, "are they yours or mine?" For things like wipes (which I have provided).

They live 45-60 mins away and I'm fed up of driving frozen fish fingers up the motorway and having the added pressure of this especially I'm returning to work FT in a month.

AIBU and what can I do? I'm so nervous about going back to work FT (DS is starting nursery for 2 days) and I feel like the IL's are getting to me 

They are providing child care for free! Why on earth do you think they should pay for nappies, wipes, toys etc plus 3 meals a day? You should set up a rucksack full of his stuff (nappies, toys etc) plus his food and drinks and just take that with him. And frankly you should offer to do the same for your mum and grandma. Otherwise these people are all subsidising your son as well as providing free childcare. Really rather cheeky to feel so entitled to this.

Some people are such CFs. And then have the cheek to post on here complaining about others. Entitled much OP? 🙄

Then pay for childcare you CF

YABU. Do you honestly expect them to look after your DC for free giving up a whole day of their time and to pay for the stuff he needs out of thier own pocket? Seriously?

I think that it's the pettiness of this and having to provide absolutely everything that it getting to OP as well as the added stress of ensuring she has everything. I'm sure that OP would be happy to provide the expensive items such as nappies and wipes but having to faff around with milk and fish fingers is taking it to the extreme.
If this is the only issue I would take a load of nappies and wipes and leave them there then offer to give a token amount every month to cover food and ask them to get it.£10 a month would cover it as they don't eat much at that age. If there are other issues I would look at nursery.

I don’t think YABU but for your own sanity, I would stop going to ILs & add an extra day of nursery.

Been in a similar position myself in the past & now always prefer to just pay than use difficult family.

Of course you should provide for your dc. You are lucky your mum and grandmother keep things at their house. As someone has already said in laws are damned if the do and damned if they dont.

Id be more concerned about the 60 min journey when your returning to work. With the supplies, nappies and food you would buy if you were at home with your baby you would have to provide.

YABU. They are already doing you a massive favour providing free childcare, they don’t need to do this so definitely don’t need to provide nappies, wipes, medicine and food too!

Pay for another days childcare.

They are doing it for free provide your own shit! No it wouldn't hurt them to cook a dinner etc but it's one day a week fucking hell boiling point?!

Much depends on how it came about. If they really wanted to do it and as such you're trying to accommodate them,you are being less unreasonable.

I would expect to provide nappies, wipes, a bottle of Calpol in the Changing bag. I would be surprised to be asked to provide food and milk.

Baby stuff I think you should be providing. The food is just tight! My mum has my son 5 days a week (he is at school now) and flatly refuses to accept anything for food.

If my son has children I can't imagine asking for anything unless I was skint. I find it so odd that GP's behave in such extreme ways.

Also why is your partner not sharing the driving. It's nearly always the women that change their hours etc or go out of their way for their kids.

There's no reason why you should not provide those things when your in laws are caring for your son. Just because your family don't insist on it, it doesn't mean it isn't generally done. Some people even pay mums and dads for child care. It works out cheaper than a child minder or nursery.

You have choices: get a childminder or put your child into a nursery, both of which will cost quite a bit.

The important issue is, does your little one like going to your in laws?

I might not use ILs for regular care if it's that much work. As others have said, when care is offered it has to be on their terms.

It's always been the case that my mum is willing to do childcare on our terms, but ILs it has to be on theirs, which I understand because they both run their own businesses.

But it did used to irk when mine were tiny that my mum always had nappies, wipes etc, and MIL would never have anything around even though she had 4 young grandchildren, and then she'd be really sniffy at you if you'd forgotten anything.

Get your dh to do the planning, preparing, packing, dropping off and picking up on his parents day and you do it on your parents/gparents day. Problem solved. Don't be a martyr.

No sorry, I get it's free childcare and they are doing you a favour but to not be able to provide things for their own grandchild is really mean and tight. Why do people have to always be objective on here. It's family, it's not a business! I think you should take things like nappies and wipes but to provide every single meal then jeez

Wow, you are an ungrateful CF

Why not ask if they'd be happy to do pasta for him that night rather than taking frozen things.
Pack a sachet of porridge, some fruit, sandwiches and either pasta and a sauce or one of those ready made toddler meals. That's food sorted.
For one day (presumably only having one drink of milk?) I'd just let him have semi milk that day.
Nappies and wipes and changes of clothes you'd have to take to nursery anyway.
And if he's unwell enough to need Calpol you should be grateful they're watching him for you as most nurseries wouldn't.
I think having so much support has made you a bit entitled about it, most people don't have anyone to look after their DC each week, nevermind 3 people willing to. If they were the only ones willing to youd be grateful, so stop comparing them to your other childcare options.

It'd be nice for them to get some basics in like wipes/few snacks etc but expecting anyone to provide 3x meals plus nappies is expecting rather a lot. It sounds too far away anyway so just put him in an extra day at nursery, not sure why you haven't stopped the arrangement already as sounds bit of a headache.

I wouldn't dream of sending DS to grandparents without what he needs for the day. DM has done a day a week for us for 3 years. She refused me providing food and often had some nappies and wipes in, but I still sent him with them.
If you use nursery or a childminder, you will have to send nappies and wipes. Some childminders also require food.
If you don't like it, pay fo childcare.
The only exception would be if your paying PIL the going rate, then I'd say they were cheeky

Lol at you being at 'boiling point' due to having to provide basic supplies for your own child. This has to be a joke thread.

i think it's incredibly grabby and entitled of you to assume that other people - even if they are family - should shoulder the cost of feeding your child and paying the expenses that come with doing childcare which you get for FREE!

You should be packing a bag with clothes,nappies, essentials etc for each day he's with them.
You should offer/pack the food and drink, then it's up to them if they want to use that or provide their own.

You're a cheekyfucker for sure!

YABU

You should be providing that stuff, not assuming they will.

YABU to expect them to buy things for the one day a week they have your DC when you can pack them yourself in his bag. They may tell you that things (nappies, wipes) are running out but I think that's just being helpful so you're aware of it. There's nothing worse than thinking you've got x amount of nappies in the bag only to find you've run out when you need them!

If certain things are not convenient to take with you (fish fingers, etc) pack something that will travel well or put the fish fingers in a cool bag with an ice block.

I would provide all those things mentioned. Why don't you? It shouldn't be up to them to provide. I would just keep a stash of items at their house and ask them to let you know when it is running low. Or, pay for an extra day at nursery.