In Laws... at boiling point

[Jen8888]

IL's have DS one day a week while I'm at work.
My mum also has him another day, and my grandma the third day.

My mum and grandma couldn't be more generous, and have nappies, wipes, toys, books, his favourite foods etc all ready for him and so it really is a home from home and taking the pressure off me to have a bag/packed lunch etc each day.

My IL's on the other hand;

• Expect food to be provided; Breakfast, lunch and tea as well as a beaker of full fat milk as they "only drink semi" and got forbid they couldn't buy a pint.
• They expect nappies, wipes, calpol, nappy bags, toys EVERYTHING to be provided.

And remind me when things are running low.

When I'm packing his things up at the end of the day they say things like, "are they yours or mine?" For things like wipes (which I have provided).

They live 45-60 mins away and I'm fed up of driving frozen fish fingers up the motorway and having the added pressure of this especially I'm returning to work FT in a month.

AIBU and what can I do? I'm so nervous about going back to work FT (DS is starting nursery for 2 days) and I feel like the IL's are getting to me 

Agree with that, doing a favour should not cost the person - well not constantly anyway, it is good of them to help you

I forgot to say in previous post that it wouldn't hurt IL's to provide food for their own Grandchild at no cost. If they are tight and/or cannot afford to buy the food, then you give them money to buy it or like others have said you buy a few wks worth of food at a time and leave it at IL's home. But all of that is by the by though for your situation, as they don't sound like they should be left unsupervised with children if they have eating disorders themselves and your DH was malnourished as a child.

Most families wouldn't charge for food in this instance, unless they genuinely couldn't afford the extra cost.
I'm a slightly older Mum as my eldest DD is 23 and have been going through the working vs childcare dilemma for over 20 years and have seen the cost of childcare soar over the years.

I'm not a jealous person at all, I just think you need to sit back and appreciate the positives in what you do have. You are very lucky to have your DM & GM have your child 2 days a week, buy and provide for everything your child needs at no cost to your and your DH. And I assume that they absolutely love having your DC and enjoy providing the basics for him and also spoiling yr DC with treats. You should offer them money to cover nappies & wipes. Buy them flowers every now and again. Occasionally give them a gift card from the main supermarket they use. Treat them to an upmarket afternoon tea in a nice hotel, a spa day, etc every now and again. Maybe you already do some of this. Just appreciate them and don't compare your IL's to them as your IL's obviously have issues that run deep.
Quit the wasted time, fuel and energy driving to yr IL's for childcare on your working day and pay for the 3rd nursery day instead. If you're not already shattered now, you will be if you continue to do this when you increase your hours to FT.
Keep the contact with your IL's, but they shouldn't be looking after your DC unsupervised.
We have issues with family which mean we cannot leave our children unsupervised with them.

Rather than taking two fish fingers a day, can't you just take a pack to keep in their freezer? And a loaf of bread which could be frozen too. Even nappies etc - you could buy big packs and leave them there.

I always took everything my DDs would need when family looked after them. My mum buys nappies and wipes and has a lot of toys now. But I never expected it. It wouldn't have occurred to me that someone looking after my child should provide any of that stuff.

Yes u ABU. IMO, your DM and DG are spoiling you by having everything on hand that you now expect it from everyone that provides free childcare. I always provided everything when anyone was kind enough to take on childcare duties for me, and likewise would expect all accessories when I took on the childcare roll. Although I wouldn't have a problem buying if something was forgotten or ran out, particularly for family. Distance to your IL house also seems impractical. Sounds like you need to rethink your childcare before returning to work. Your DS is lucky to have such hands on grans.

As pensioners have you thought they may struggle financially?

I think you should be grateful they'll give up their free time to look after your kid.

Also, think how much you're saving by them having the kid.

I think you are unreasonable.

What they are asking is completely reasonable.

Why should the grandparents have to pay to look after their own child?

They're not, they're looking after a grandchild.

You cannot be serious!!
YABU and completely entitled.

From the thread title I assumed you had managed to get all your in laws into a large cooking pot and were asking for how long should they simmer once the water had reached boiling point. Pah! Not as interesting as I thought.

The milk & food is a bit tight unless you are asking for certain things to be given, but I really think you should be buying nappies & wipes go keep there not expecting them to pay or begrudging them not

I don't think it's worth getting wound up over, they don't sound super keen it's a long drive, is just do 3 days at nursery

No I'd never expect anyone to be out of pocket especially when I'm getting free childcare however how sad the gps can't even give their grandchild a bit of milk

Do you get on well with them otherwise?

If they don't have to have these things anyway, I don't think it's reasonable to expect them to spend their pension money providing it when it only benefits you. I wouldn't.

This thread was started back in June, and OP hasn't been back since then.

What I find completely illogical, is that OP said her ILs had issues around food, to the point that her DH grew up borderline malnourished, yet she expects them to provide food! Why on earth wouldn't she want to provide her own food for DS, so she could make sure he has enough? It really doesn't make sense, regardless of whether pps think she's being reasonable to expect it because they are the child's grandparents.

She is being entitled and ungrateful though, and being stuck in the car for that long, every week, isn't very fair to her son, especially as she's said they could put him in nursery that day.

I also wonder about her gran looking after her son. No matter that gran offered, and loves doing it, she might not be able to carry on for long.