Is having an only child selfish?

[whothedaddy]

Just that really. In your honest opinion is it wrong/selfish to have an only child and why?

@PineappleSeahorse I completely agree regarding the sharing thing - it's my experience too!

I think there's a difference between being 'spoiled' and being 'spoilt' and lots of people struggle to differentiate between the two. The former is to do with more resources being available (whatever those are), the latter with giving the child things they demand/bad parenting.

See my above comment about my friends 4 children who all have to have their own things otherwise they fight.

Also being one of three children I remember many, many arguments about sharing toys, videos, magazines, clothes, places on the sofa, who sat where in the car, we even argued over different flavoured yogurts. Having siblings perhaps teaches you to be possessive and argue about every minor injustice

The people here with such loathing of only children are clearly the products of abysmal parenting themselves.

China is a unique situation as mentioned earlier and as also mentionedI suspect the little emperor thing has more to do with being male as I've witnessed when working with people of another culture where sons are often prioritised and in spite of usually having siblings some said sons were the rudest and most entitled people I've encountered.

But thankfully not all were like that because like only children, they're individuals.

@Jellybabies1234

NB of course, people who can't have more than one for whatever reason have no reason to feel quilty.

Wow, just WOW. You seriously lack compassion.I guess you were born in 1234 as your username suggests?

NB of course, people who can't have more than one for whatever reason have no reason to feel guilty

Well I suppose not guilty but presumably they do have reason to feel generally bad about how shitty their kids are and will be. It’s not like the child’s experience of having no siblings differs because it wasn’t the parents’ fault.

@BertrandRussell

But I have said several times that I think all other things being equal if at all possible children should not be raised as onlies and said why. I’m not sure how much clearer I can make it.

I think that what’s difficult to understand about your point is that there is no possible scenario in which all other things WILL be equal if a couple have a second, or third, or fourth child. Another human in a family will inevitably change things. For example, two children will inevitably cost more money than one. And that’s why the decision to have another child is often a very complex one. Because all other things can’t possibly be equal!

Or trying to guilt trip people into having child plus sibling at party, even though the birthday child is only friends with one of the children.
Yes! DS had a whole class party when he was turning 6, first the mother got her child's twin invited who was in a different class, then brought her 5 and 4 year old as well. The twins were already 7 and could have been left, or you know, just the twin who was originally invited...

Wasn't trying to be goady, but trying to counterbalance the "nothing to see here" levels of denial on this thread.

My mum was an only and absolutely hated it. Longed for a sibling, was lonely and talked about it a lot as an adult.

My brother and wife have had an only through choice -- wife basically made the decision. Their DD absolutely lives up to the little emperor syndrome. Really, really can't share, absolutely expects to get her own way all the time. Very intense atmosphere at home , not in a good way.

Most of my friends have siblings; one or two are onlies so I definitely don't have an irrational hatred of onlies. But I've come across a few people over the years where I can tell they are onlies and I've been proved right.

I do of course know some onlies who don't fit the stereotype. I typed hastily earlier and I'm sorry for the patronising and offensive comment.

Put more positively and tactfully, my overall point is that there are definite pitfalls to having an only, and lots of advantages to having more than one. Not just for the child(ren) but also for you as parents. And it's something that changes with time. My dc are now getting on in different ways now that they are adults/nearly adults.

I get on differently with my own siblings than I did as a child. I absolutely couldn't imagine life without them. They are a gift to me and I'm trying, clumsily and tactlessly, to get that message across.

Where did your parents go wrong, jellybabies? You seem filled with so much disdain.

LarryGreysonsDoor

No I’m not. I was responding to the ridiculous assertion that only children are less spoilt and bad at sharing than children with siblings.

Where do I start switsy?

Put more positively and tactfully, my overall point is that there are definite pitfalls to having an only, and lots of advantages to having more than one

You could say that exactly the opposite way round though.

I was responding to the ridiculous assertion that only children are less spoilt and bad at sharing than children with siblings

Sweeping generalisations are foolish.

Anecdotally my only DD was far better at sharing than any of the 6 other children in her toddler “friendship” group. She was also the only one without siblings and quite often the butt of slaps/shoves etc as that’s how they dealt with their siblings.

Fortunately I understand that anecdote isn’t evidence and I can’t extrapolate that out to refer to anyone other than DD.

Muting the thread now. Seems like there are lots of very very defensive people on here.

Muting the thread now. Seems like there are lots of very very defensive people on here

How do you mute a thread? The title is literally a question asked by the OP. Only circle jerking about only children is allowed.

@Jellybabies1234 but as @JacquesHammer says, the same could be said in reverse! I'm an only and feel I have lots of advantages as a result. Likewise I can also see the advantages of having siblings. I don't think you can say there are no pitfalls to having siblings just as you can't say there are no disadvantages to being an only child.

@Hithere12 your generalisation is more ridiculous than that which you're trying to argue against.

Seems like there are lots of very very defensive people on here

Because hiding the thread isn’t a defensive action

Muting the thread now. Seems like there are lots of very very defensive people on here.

No. People just recognise a numptie when they see one.

Try to be less shit.

@Jellybabies1234 you 'muting' the thread is the ultimate in being defensive!

@Hithere12 she means hiding it. You swipe left and hit 'hide.'

It seems she didn't learn to deal with conflict when growing up with her siblings.

Not selfish at all,

I always thought I'd want more but it turns out I'm not the best parent ever. With just one I can give him what he needs.

Friend just had third when she could barely cope with one. That's selfish.

I’m an only child. My reasons for wanting more than one were probably very much tied up with that.

But then everyone has a different experience or template of childhood. It’s just that mine made me realise that I’d prefer a larger family if I was going to have one.

Everyone is different and can only react to their own experiences. My own parents were very self absorbed, but many many parents of only children thankfully are not.

OP, do you realise how many people just have the one because even that single one was a struggle? Multiple miscarriages, fertility problems, children dying. To suggest these parents are glibly selfish is ignorant at best. Why don't people think about the reasons children might be without siblings before they say such crass things?