Is having an only child selfish?

[whothedaddy]

Just that really. In your honest opinion is it wrong/selfish to have an only child and why?

That's genuinely the case in my experience. It is far from uncommon. Another cousin has a brilliant relationship with her older brother. They are very close and rarely have more than the occasional petty argument. It'd be wonderful relationship to have I'm sure but IME it's in the minority.

When in fact, no one makes you have a child, and no one makes you have more than one child either.

And all those saying the more children you have, the more selfish you are ...

We came late to the idea of wanting to have children at all, and were planning a late only child, but have ended up with identical twins. Never would have wished for them, but couldn't be happier now they are here. My DC also adore being twins.

Are you really suggesting we didn't "have to" have the second one, or that we somehow became more selfish after the embryo split in the first week after conception? Because if you are, you're talking crap.

No, in my opinion it’s not

I’m an only and don’t feel hard done by in any way.
Yes, when my DM was frail, there was just me to look after her but, in all honesty, she did the same thing for both her parents despite being one of 5 children.
When DM died I had the most fantastic support system of friends, DH & DS (who is also an only!)

Wow, I honestly didn't realise SO many people had such negative relationships with their siblings!

I only know one person out of about 20 who don’t like their sibling. It does happen but it’s not a 50/50 chance like some are making it out to be.

I didn't say it's 50/50 but it is extremely common and I genuinely personally know more negative relationships than positive.

I genuinely personally know more negative relationships than positive

Me too.

You really have a clear problem with only children don't you Hithere.

No. This is an argument that really winds me up. Having children you don't want us really selfish on the other hand.

I couldn't have another. Feel the guilt every day. Especially when dd goes on about her friends brothers and sisters

@Thatsalovelycuppatea please don't, by the sounds of it siblings not getting on when they're older etc is more common than we think. Like everyone has said there are no guarantees in life!!
I had children very young which led to me losing most of my childless friendship group, hence feeling more lonely and thinking "I wish I had sisters or cousins I was close to etc". That's my life choices and I'm clearly really biased...every other only child on this thread has said they have no resentment about it whatsoever!! Xxx

Where do you think the little emperor stereotype comes from? Out of thin air?

When i read that I was about to say CHINA. And then I read the rest of the post which cited a study from CHINA. 🤣🤣🤣

I suspect a lot of that is cultural. I am by no ways saying that all Chinese only children are spoilt brats, but that is exactly where the term ' little emperor' came from, and as I understand it, after the one child policy was introduced. Massive cultural change in just one generation, it's u surprising that it had an effect.

Incidentally we have Chinese next-door neighbours with a badly behaved only child. However, from observations (joining wall, we can hear a LOT of what goes on next door) I think it's more to do with their lack of parenting skills (she is actually not too badly behaved when the grandparents come to stay) than it is to do with her being an only one (and I am crossing everything that they do not see fit to add another badly behaved child to their family anytime soon).

I have 4 siblings, DH has 2.

We have a DD with a DS on the way, I don't think having 1 is selfish but after growing up with siblings and both DH and I turning to our sisters to bitch about our parents I personally want my DC to have siblings...

But I wouldn't have an age gap of 10 years! X

Doesn't the little emperor thing also come from the strong preference in China for boys? Which was only exacerbated by the one child policy.

@MinnieMountain yes, I believe it was due to parents of boys idolising the fact their only was of the preferred sex.

@Hithere12 you're another one talking a load of shite 🙄

Ginger1982
Lol shut up. People are allowed different opinions.

Yes but you are stating a lot of your opinions as fact, Hithere.

I felt guilty for years about not being able to provide DD with a sibling.

Turns out I was projecting emotions onto her. If you ask her if she wishes she had a sibling her response would be “god no”!

How do you get good at something hard? By practising. We'd all agree with that, whether for playing a sport, learning a language, an instrument, whatever.

Children with siblings have to learn to share their toys and their parents' attention. This happens every day, and the total is thousands and thousands of hours of taking turns and sharing.

Only children literally do not have that amount of practice. Neighbours, friends, cousins, aren't there first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Some only children learn it as they go along and some don't. Some children with siblings don't learn it, but in general they have to learn to get along with other people in a way that only children just don't.

NB of course, people who can't have more than one for whatever reason have no reason to feel guilty.

What a lot of shit Jellybabies. My cousins(a group of 3) just used to maul each other to get what they wanted. The strongest or quickest won. I love the idea that all children with siblings patiently wait to share. I've seen that with other sibling groups too, my Mother's(4 brothers) experience was the same,and my childhood friend(who had two brothers) regularly ate an ice cream, ice lolly or sweets in front of me when I visited and never thought to offer me any. I'd never have been allowed to do that. I'd have been expected to share or go without.

I love the idea that all only children are spoiled too. Many of my cousins and some people I know are always asking/demanding things. My mother used to complain(still does) that I never asked her for anything. I never made a Christmas list and almost never asked for anything. I still don't. Now looking at many other adult children of her friends she's quite pleased that I wasn't always constantly demanding things unlike some I know(and they have siblings).

It's not selfish, sometimes it's down to circumstances beyond your control. BUT - my parents are both an only - I am one of four. Maybe if one of my parents had siblings it would have been different as they would have a greater understanding of sibling rivalry, relationships, favouritism, equal treament. It was and is still a bit of a train wreck in that regard.

NB of course, people who can't have more than one for whatever reason have no reason to feel guilty.

Gosh. How very kind of you, you patronising lump.

Only children are more narcissistic

NB of course, people who can't have more than one for whatever reason have no reason to feel guilty

But don’t you see that all the guff you’ve spouted about only children applies to only children whatever the reason they’re an only?

@Jellybabies1234 whilst I may not agree with everything you're saying, if you'd put your first goady post in the slightly more reasoned way you have your most recent one then you might have got better reactions.