To ask for this “gift” back?

[yellowish]

I am fairly friendly with “Jo,” the mum of one of my daughter’s classmates. I quite like Jo and enjoy chatting with her at pickup and school events. We always say we should get together but we virtually never do. I think I am more enthusiastic about that than she is. So I consider her a friend but not a close friend, if that’s relevant.

In some ways Jo and I have v similar tastes. I recently bought something that I loved and found really useful. I thought Jo could use a thing for herself and I didn’t know if she knew about it so I showed it to her. She admired the thing and agreed she should get one, but she never did. I wanted more of them myself so a few weeks later I bought a 5-pack of the things. At that time I only needed 4 of them so I was going to save the extra one for the future, but I knew Jo would like it so I have it to her. (If it matters, the things are worth about £20 each. If it further matters, that’s an amount that Jo and I can both afford comfortably.)

It’s now been about 6 weeks and Jo has never used the thing I gave her. She said she keeps meaning to use it but hasn’t gotten around to setting it up which takes 2 minutes . I should say that Jo has a lot on her plate and really is busier than most. So I don’t necessarily think she doesn’t want the thing, but at this point it seems unlikely that she will use it.

Now the time has come that I need another thing. Can I ask for the one back from Jo?

I am genuinely sorry for being coy about “the thing.” It’s just that it’s very specific and if Jo sees this I want her to at least not be completely sure if it’s about her. If the curiosity is just driving you insane, PM me.

I can solve this problem. When the DDs started coming in from school independently, I dreaded the thought of 3 sets of keys being lost. So I bought a (police rated) security box and attached it to the wall outside the front door. The girls get the key out, unlock the door, then put the key back and reset the code to 0000. No lost keys, no tiles.

Uh no. It was nice of you to give it to her, but she is not obliged to use it. Plus, she may yet get around to it and be happy you turned her onto it. And asking for it back would be ridiculous.

My aunt is like you Op, she gives a gift but then hovers mentally over it - “have you worn that top yet - I can take it back if you don’t like it” “ did you eat those chocolates yet? Don’t let them go off” “ have you read that book yet? - I’ll have it back if you don’t want it”
Makes me want to tell her to stick her gifts where the sun don’t shine.
You’ll sound mean if you ask for it back - and a bit weird.
I’d give jo some space if I were you, let her take the initiative, you might come across as a bit needy.

I think you could say "I need to get another thing, and I wondered if you were using yours?"

@macblank I'm fairly sure that's racist terminology, offensive to the Native American Indians.

I don't know what the THING is, and I would like it, but also I would never use it !! I have too many THINGS,in my house already. !

OP just to clarify I was deleted for referencing an earlier post by someone else calling you a "fucking lunatic" - I was taking the piss as I would never be so rude! Just in case you thought I was actually calling you a fucking lunatic myself sorry if I wasn't clear enough (obviously I wasn't )

Actually I just thought, is the use of "lunatic" an offensive word in itself? Maybe it's a bit like "epileptic" as a noun which I know some people find offensive (I dont, btw. Speaking as one) and I shouldn't have used it at all

Don't want to derail just hope I haven't been rude.

Well there are people who are offended over everything, so yes lunatic can be offensive. Just like psycho, crazy, nutter etc. I personally don't get outrage by it.

Is it a tamagotchi? I can’t believe you’ve killed 5 of them!

Lunatic, is from Luna... Moon, and tic... Time, as in moon time.

It where we think things happen at a full moon. In fact police in several countries would still say that, strange trouble happens more on a full moon night!

I'm not sure being called a lunatic is offensive, as it's "litterally" a made up word! It's as harmless as, nutter and I say that as a certified nutter 😉

Native American Indians.

Or just Native Americans as they are called.

Someone did actually buy everything a kitten once purely because we were walking past a pet shop and I mentioned it was cute.
Turned up 2 days later with the kitten as a gift
I still have it 15 years later

Badmgr surely you have to end that post with "Reader, I married him (or her!)"

I had never thought of it as racist or anything other than a "term" we used as kids. If a kid have you something (say a record) and then next week wanted it back, you just called them an Indian giver.

Now, I've read it's real meaning and the history of the term, I won't use it again.

Thanks for bringing it up. Mind, today was the first time I'd used the expression since a kid back in the 70s.

I can’t imagine a way when is appropriate to ask for a gift back, even if you need it, even if they don’t use it or like it. If you give something away, is for the other to do with it as they please, even if that means putting it in a rubbish bin.

I can't be the only one who's gone and bought a Tile (or 2), off the back of this thread?!

I like you OP, you are funny

Back off you stalker. Clearly the person does not want your friendship. You are projecting into her.

OP if you have to explain yourself then you are stalking or just odd.

Totally let it go. Dont even let it worry you if you never see her having set up the thing.

If you were Jo and you came across my post would you be upset or offended in any way?

No, not at all. I would however think you were bonkers and tell everybody I knew about you.

😳 My friend gave me a thing ,
Tbh I haven’t used it because I am worried if I do then the fbi will track me .
I’m not called jo tho . So can’t be me .