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Original poster

To ask for this “gift” back?

249 replies

yellowish · 20/06/2019 11:48

I am fairly friendly with “Jo,” the mum of one of my daughter’s classmates. I quite like Jo and enjoy chatting with her at pickup and school events. We always say we should get together but we virtually never do. I think I am more enthusiastic about that than she is. So I consider her a friend but not a close friend, if that’s relevant.

In some ways Jo and I have v similar tastes. I recently bought something that I loved and found really useful. I thought Jo could use a thing for herself and I didn’t know if she knew about it so I showed it to her. She admired the thing and agreed she should get one, but she never did. I wanted more of them myself so a few weeks later I bought a 5-pack of the things. At that time I only needed 4 of them so I was going to save the extra one for the future, but I knew Jo would like it so I have it to her. (If it matters, the things are worth about £20 each. If it further matters, that’s an amount that Jo and I can both afford comfortably.)

It’s now been about 6 weeks and Jo has never used the thing I gave her. She said she keeps meaning to use it but hasn’t gotten around to setting it up which takes 2 minutes . I should say that Jo has a lot on her plate and really is busier than most. So I don’t necessarily think she doesn’t want the thing, but at this point it seems unlikely that she will use it.

Now the time has come that I need another thing. Can I ask for the one back from Jo?

I am genuinely sorry for being coy about “the thing.” It’s just that it’s very specific and if Jo sees this I want her to at least not be completely sure if it’s about her. If the curiosity is just driving you insane, PM me.

OP posts:
Cheeseandwin5 · 20/06/2019 12:13

Does the thing have a use by date?
If so maybe you could offer to take it off her hands in exchange for something else.
If not then pushing her to either use it or give it back is a surefire way of ending the friendship

HolesinTheSoles · 20/06/2019 12:14

It's frustrating but if you can easily afford another one I'd probably just do that to avoid the awkwardness of asking. If you really want to ask for it back I guess you could just say something casually "hey Jo, hope you're good, if you're not going to use X I was wondering if I could have it back as I need another one now. No worries if you're using it though!"

LoafofSellotape · 20/06/2019 12:14

Just buy yourself another,you can clearly afford to if you can spend £100 on 5 Things and give one away.

It doesn't matter if she has used it or not,it was a gift and you don't ask for gifts back or monitor their usage to be honest Confused

Buy yourself another.

FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST WHAT IS THE THING?????!!!!

Lochroy · 20/06/2019 12:15

You can't ask for it back directly, but you poss could drop into conversation how you've used all of yours up already and are about to order more. There's a very slim chance she may offer it back, but unlikely as it makes It obvious she doesn't really want what was a gift. She's doing the gracious thing by saying she intends to use it, even if she doesn't, and you can't keep asking how she's getting with it/ has she used it etc.

IsabellaLinton · 20/06/2019 12:15

No, you can’t.

Ginkeepsmesane · 20/06/2019 12:15

Could you say to Jo that you're about to order another one of 'the thing' and did she want to order one too, to save on postage costs?
That way she can offer the one you gave her, back to you if she really doesn't have chance to use it, or just politely decline to buy another.

VivienneHolt · 20/06/2019 12:17

No, you definitely can’t. It would be weird, rude and crass.

forumdonkey · 20/06/2019 12:17

I'd love to know what's tech related that you need 5 but Jo only needs one that she's not used 🙄. Intriguing

RiddleyW · 20/06/2019 12:18

Is it an amazon dash button?

pepperpot99 · 20/06/2019 12:18

It's a sex toy isn't it?

VivienneHolt · 20/06/2019 12:19

(If you need an explanation it’s because gifts are things freely given, and it’s not acceptable to monitor the giftee’s behaviour and then ask for the gift back if you don’t think it’s being used appropriately. That’s a very weird way to behave)

ChangesAt30 · 20/06/2019 12:20

Is it a smart plug?! Grin

S1naidSucks · 20/06/2019 12:20

Stop asking the poor woman if she has used it yet? You gave her a gift, so let it go. It’s up to her if or when she uses it.

Sammi38 · 20/06/2019 12:21

I was going to say it might be a dash type button? But I think they’re only a fiver on amazon, but could,be something similar, maybe a water filter techy thing or something, that re orders itself when it needs replacing!

RezCowgirl · 20/06/2019 12:21

Maybe she knew she wouldn't get round to using it so didn't buy one. Just because you like something doesn't mean you should have it and being able to afford it is irrelevant.

But now you've given it to her you cannot ask for it back because you think she's not using it.

LoafofSellotape · 20/06/2019 12:22

Oooooo yes,a smart plug,good guess!!👍

Pinkmouse6 · 20/06/2019 12:22

It was £20 and you say that isn’t a lot of money to you so just let it go.

RiddleyW · 20/06/2019 12:23

Smart plug is a good shout

Original poster
yellowish · 20/06/2019 12:23

viques that’s quite harsh. I haven’t mentioned the thing in several weeks. She’s brought up getting together and I actually think she means it in the moment but she has a LOT on and being friends with me is not top priority. I’m not offended and I still like chatting with her when we have the chance.

Back to the thing. Don’t we all have things we intend to get around to buying but never do? I can’t explain more but I am sure that it is something she can use. The closest analogy I can come up with is a special invisible magnet to hang on her fridge. I’ve seen her fridge and she’s mentioned how she wants to tidy it up. There’s virtually no downside for her to using the one I gave her as it’s invisible. But it does require up to 5 minutes to set up. (It’s not really a magnet!)

There are lots of clues in this msg. Feel free to guess!

OP posts:
Original poster
yellowish · 20/06/2019 12:24

I’ve answered a few PMs and then I realised Jo could be the one PMing me! I’m not fussed really.

If you were Jo and you came across my post would you be upset or offended in any way?

OP posts:
Apolloanddaphne · 20/06/2019 12:24

It can't be a smart plug. OP has never been to Jo's house as far as i can make out. It has to be something used on the go.

Smelborp · 20/06/2019 12:25

A tech related thing that comes in packs of 5 and either is consumable or you need loads. Please PM me. It’ll drive me nuts.

But don’t ask for it back. You gave it as a present.

LoafofSellotape · 20/06/2019 12:26

If you were Jo and you came across my post would you be upset or offended in any way?

Yes I would! When I read posts like yours OP I wonder how people have got through life not knowing that asking for gifts back is really bad manners!

MonstranceClock · 20/06/2019 12:28

If you were Jo and you came across my post would you be upset or offended in any way?

I wouldn't be upset or offended, but I'd think you were a fucking lunatic and avoid you from now on.

Original poster
yellowish · 20/06/2019 12:29

Smart Plug is pretty close.

I get it about the gift, I really do. In my mind it was just something I gave her bc I had an extra, it’s not like I wrapped it with a bow, I just handed her the opened 5-pack with one left. I accept the fact that I was wrong about that, just trying to explain my thought process.

Anyone care to bet on how many more responses I’m going to get saying it was a gift and I can’t ask for it back? Grin

OP posts: