To ask for this “gift” back?

[yellowish]

I am fairly friendly with “Jo,” the mum of one of my daughter’s classmates. I quite like Jo and enjoy chatting with her at pickup and school events. We always say we should get together but we virtually never do. I think I am more enthusiastic about that than she is. So I consider her a friend but not a close friend, if that’s relevant.

In some ways Jo and I have v similar tastes. I recently bought something that I loved and found really useful. I thought Jo could use a thing for herself and I didn’t know if she knew about it so I showed it to her. She admired the thing and agreed she should get one, but she never did. I wanted more of them myself so a few weeks later I bought a 5-pack of the things. At that time I only needed 4 of them so I was going to save the extra one for the future, but I knew Jo would like it so I have it to her. (If it matters, the things are worth about £20 each. If it further matters, that’s an amount that Jo and I can both afford comfortably.)

It’s now been about 6 weeks and Jo has never used the thing I gave her. She said she keeps meaning to use it but hasn’t gotten around to setting it up which takes 2 minutes . I should say that Jo has a lot on her plate and really is busier than most. So I don’t necessarily think she doesn’t want the thing, but at this point it seems unlikely that she will use it.

Now the time has come that I need another thing. Can I ask for the one back from Jo?

I am genuinely sorry for being coy about “the thing.” It’s just that it’s very specific and if Jo sees this I want her to at least not be completely sure if it’s about her. If the curiosity is just driving you insane, PM me.

crikey Yellowish you're getting a pasting here when all you've done is be pleasant and take on board what people have said. Maybe you should cancel the cheque

Well, actually, I can see the OPs point - it's not a 'gift' as such, it's a just 'I have an extra one of these, do you think you might use it?'.

So, to me it depends what was said at the exchange of the thing.

If she said 'yes, I will' but it's obvious she has not, I might ask 'did you get round to using that? If not, I need another one, so if you're not going to use it....?'

etc

It 50% depends on what the thing was and 50% depends on the discussion that took place. With a bit of 'what your relationship is' thrown in.

So I don't think it is cut and dried like an actual gift would be.

And I win the prize so please send me the thing in the post!

To everyone saying people are posting bitchy comments - that's the internet for you. I wouldn't have expected any different tbh.

This thread is MN at it's worst OP asks for advice on a minor issue and takes advice on board graciously. Then loads of bitchy women with nothing better to do keep using the thread as an excuse to make nasty personal comments to her for no reason and take glee in ganging up on her like a bunch of 5 year olds

I agree. MN does love a pile-on.

No reason to suspect that she isn’t into you as a friend, she is just busy. Hence why she hasn’t used the ‘thing ‘.

She’s been generous to you, you enjoy chatting, just chill. It is a bit ‘keen’ to give someone a £20 thing, IME.

@yellowish If "JO" reads this thread im 99% sure she will know its about her.

So your just being a dick not telling us what the "thing" is...

For the love of God OP will you PLEASE just tell us what the thing is????

Yeah I keep checking this thread to see if you've posted what the thing is OP, it's gonna annoy me all day haha.

FWIW the post is pretty recognisable as it is, I'm pretty sure I'd know if this was about me.

I think Jo was being polite. You chose to give her something, and it's not up to you what she does/does not do with "it". Move on...

I don’t think it’s a Tile because the website sells them in packs of 4, not 5.

I invented tiles a few months ago as I desperately need some. Didn't realise they already existed

I'm pretty sure it's a tile.

It doesn't need to have run out for OP to need a new one. SHe might just have bought something else that she wants to attach a tile to...

I would say "Oh I'm going to be ordering some more THINGS Jo. How are you getting on with yours?" and leave it at that....

I love this thread. Not only because of The Thing, but OP gets called a fucking lunatic for buying a gift for someone who she thought would like it

You would be a fucking lunatic to ask for it back though

BTW, I can't PM on the app so I will never know The Thing If it wasn't Tech, I thought it may be a kitten. You always need to get more of those

@Ninkaninus — I’m not sure if you intended to completely mischaracterize what I wrote or if you just need to go back and reread but slowly this time. You will see that I absolutely consider Jo a friend not subject to your invented caveat. It sounds like everyone you know is either a BFF or a total stranger, which is nice for you but would never work for me. Over the years I have developed all manner of close friends, casual friends, mum friends, acquaintances, neighbours I chat to, and so on. I don’t find this difficult to manage but I respect that you would. What I don’t understand is how do you ever become close friends with someone if you don’t have any casual friendly relationships? Doesn’t it have to start somewhere?

Right, now back to the thing. @FriarTuck explained the situation perfectly— there are lots of reasons why someone would accept something and not use it, other than the person doesn’t want it and moreover the giver is socially backward and a fucking idiot. But of course MN will always fill in details with the assumption that the OP is clueless and thick. Luckily I’m not fussed about the opinion of random keyboard warriors, and I did get the answer to my OP so I’m feeling good about this post.

I’ve gotten zillions of PMs and I suppose any one of them could be Jo so I might as well tell you that @HerculesMulligan guessed it — I am impressed btw! It is indeed a Tile. And it was actually only one 4-pack from the beginning but I was being super clever to throw Jo off the scent. . I put one on my house keys, one on my work badge/keys, and one on my Kindle, and now my son is starting to walk home from school by himself so we gave him a set of keys, which I know he will lose ASAP. Off to Amazon to purchase a new Tile for my DS...

I've had to now google the Tile and I think that must be it! But I think it's a creepy gadget! All this tracking going on everywhere. I can see its use being abused by some people.

OP glad you came to a decision, shame some posters can't read updates before posting!

Cross posted!

I wish someone would buy me an unasked for kitten though.

I'll be your friend OP

Sorry again for being coy. I should have known I would end up telling anyway.

Thanks again for the (non-hostile) responses!

A bulb? A smart plug?

Would I be offended if it were about me? No. It would make me decide to use the the thing or not though. Have you offered to set it up for her?

I'm off to google a Tile.

Don't go and get this deleted on privacy grounds now, OP, or MNers will kill you

Perhaps I should buy Jo a kitten next. She apparently thinks I’m annoying and hates my precious gift so I need to go big this time!

Previous not precious

Thank you OP. I'd never heard of a Tile before this thread.