To ask for this “gift” back?

[yellowish]

I am fairly friendly with “Jo,” the mum of one of my daughter’s classmates. I quite like Jo and enjoy chatting with her at pickup and school events. We always say we should get together but we virtually never do. I think I am more enthusiastic about that than she is. So I consider her a friend but not a close friend, if that’s relevant.

In some ways Jo and I have v similar tastes. I recently bought something that I loved and found really useful. I thought Jo could use a thing for herself and I didn’t know if she knew about it so I showed it to her. She admired the thing and agreed she should get one, but she never did. I wanted more of them myself so a few weeks later I bought a 5-pack of the things. At that time I only needed 4 of them so I was going to save the extra one for the future, but I knew Jo would like it so I have it to her. (If it matters, the things are worth about £20 each. If it further matters, that’s an amount that Jo and I can both afford comfortably.)

It’s now been about 6 weeks and Jo has never used the thing I gave her. She said she keeps meaning to use it but hasn’t gotten around to setting it up which takes 2 minutes . I should say that Jo has a lot on her plate and really is busier than most. So I don’t necessarily think she doesn’t want the thing, but at this point it seems unlikely that she will use it.

Now the time has come that I need another thing. Can I ask for the one back from Jo?

I am genuinely sorry for being coy about “the thing.” It’s just that it’s very specific and if Jo sees this I want her to at least not be completely sure if it’s about her. If the curiosity is just driving you insane, PM me.

good sleuthing, elle! We need to figure out what comes in packs of 5.

And, OP how do you know she hasn't used it? Is it something that is obvious once used, or would she have to tell you?

Absolutely not.

You can't gift and then ask for it back when you change your mind. It would be awkward on all parts.

As you can comfortably afford the item I'd suggest buying another and thinking twice before gifting something you may want back in the future!

If this is an ad dressed up as a post OP it's totally worked on me. I've just bought a couple

I think you should offer to babysit for Jo, and then steal back her Tile if she is still not using it

Wtf is a tile?! Like kitchen tile?!

This thread is a great advert for Tile

YANBU

Best ad ever. I am going to put Tiles on my Christmas list for I am a Loser.

I agree - this is a marketing department's dream.

I want a Tile.

OP if you have a spare in your new pack of tiles send it my way
I promise to use it and be your friend

I don’t get Tiles. The website says it works on Bluetooth, so you can only find things if they’re in the same half of the house?

I can't stand it when people give you something and then pester you about when you are going to use it. My DH does this, which is bad enough, but it would be intolerable coming from a 'friend'.

YABU for even contemplating asking for it back. Talk about ill-mannered!

The anticlimax is worse than a bad orgasm

*viques

hiltsand sotired .MN hive mind has worked out it is something called a tile. It tracks stuff.

I am thinking of making something similar from old wire coat hangers and duct tape., I will call them divining tiles and only charge a tenner. I will include a few metres of string so you can link them to your phone or laptop. If Jo would like to pm me I will let her know when I am up and running with production*

See, these are Things.

@Broodyaf I beg to differ on your post 😉

Also never heard of Tiles. Also now going to buy TIles.

Jo was just being polite and now probably thinks you are a bit deranged given your huge over investment in her use of whatever it is you gave her

I’ve managed 50 plus years without a Thing so I reckon i can manage a few more.

I'm saying Amazon echo

yellowish honestly wasn’t really commenting on your situation with that comment - I have a bit of a habit of musing on things that are vaguely related instead of actually answering the question (especially if it has been answered sufficiently already, which in this case I felt it had).

FWIW I would have said that I personally would never have asked for it back (as I’ve said, once I’ve given something away it ceases to exist for me) as I don’t think you really should, do so, but if you’re good friends and you really wanted to you could probably say in a light and breezy way, ‘do you think that you’ll actually use X or is it really not your thing? Because f you don’t want it I could use another one and I thought I’d check before I order any more’ and it probably wouldn’t be a big deal.

But then you said she’s a friend but not a close friend or that you might be more friendly with her than she is with you, or whatever it was you said. So then my opinion/advice might be slightly different depending on the situation. So yeah, this is why I try not to navigate this kind of situation too much. Too much potential for overthinking, awkwardness and getting it wrong.

And yes, acquaintances do either stay acquaintances or in some cases develop into friends, obviously. But for me it takes a long time to move from one to the other and I stay well detached until I’m sure of the person and our dynamic. It’s just the way I am.

You can't ask for a gift back.
And maybe she hasn't had time to set it up - or depending on what it is - isn't sure where she wants to put it or use it.

Well tbh I don't see a problem with saying to her that if she's not going to use it you'll have it back.

To me the fact that she didn't buy one/hasn't used the one you gave her suggests that she isn't really bothered.

I'd be happy to hand back something if I'd onlt accepted it to be polite.

I really want a tile.