To ask for this “gift” back?

[yellowish]

I am fairly friendly with “Jo,” the mum of one of my daughter’s classmates. I quite like Jo and enjoy chatting with her at pickup and school events. We always say we should get together but we virtually never do. I think I am more enthusiastic about that than she is. So I consider her a friend but not a close friend, if that’s relevant.

In some ways Jo and I have v similar tastes. I recently bought something that I loved and found really useful. I thought Jo could use a thing for herself and I didn’t know if she knew about it so I showed it to her. She admired the thing and agreed she should get one, but she never did. I wanted more of them myself so a few weeks later I bought a 5-pack of the things. At that time I only needed 4 of them so I was going to save the extra one for the future, but I knew Jo would like it so I have it to her. (If it matters, the things are worth about £20 each. If it further matters, that’s an amount that Jo and I can both afford comfortably.)

It’s now been about 6 weeks and Jo has never used the thing I gave her. She said she keeps meaning to use it but hasn’t gotten around to setting it up which takes 2 minutes . I should say that Jo has a lot on her plate and really is busier than most. So I don’t necessarily think she doesn’t want the thing, but at this point it seems unlikely that she will use it.

Now the time has come that I need another thing. Can I ask for the one back from Jo?

I am genuinely sorry for being coy about “the thing.” It’s just that it’s very specific and if Jo sees this I want her to at least not be completely sure if it’s about her. If the curiosity is just driving you insane, PM me.

Let it go....and don't buy anything for Jo again. She's just not that into you.

what is the thing??????

maybe she was being polite with the 'yeah, its really nice' ?

I don’t think you can ask for it to be returned. Just buy another one

Am I missing something here? You gave a gift and now want it back to use yourself because she hasn’t used it yet?

Can’t you buy yourself another ‘thing’? I’d raise an eyebrow at someone that gave me a present then wanted it back. Surely it’s worth £20 to not get yourself into a bit of a cringey situation?

Let it go

I don’t think Jo really wanted the thing in the first place.
However that’s irrelevant you can’t give a gift and then ask for it back.
If you can easily afford the £20 just get another one.

No way, for the sake of £20 you can comfortably afford it's not worth the awkward conversation.

You can’t ask for it back, that’s really awkward

No, don’t ask for it back.

Would be completely different if she were a close friend or family member.

If you can comfortably afford it, let it go. She may well get round to using it in the future. I assume it’s not time dependent?

I think it would be quite rude to ask for it back.

If you can comfortably afford it then just buy more for yourself. It's just £20 and it would be awkward and weird to ask for it back after you gave it to her. It would just come across as you being upset and trying to make an overdramatic point.

No you can't.

Let it go.

But now I really want the Thing even though I don’t know what it is please tell us!!

When you give a gift there is no written rule there is a time limit to use the gift by a certain time!
It's a bit weird to think she should have used it by a time you think is acceptable.
How many people get given bath toiletries for Xmas but don't actually use them till months later?

If it was a priority to her she’d have bought one for herself.

If you can easily afford the £20 just get another one.

Well, it's a £20 thing that needs setting up and can be used up in 6 weeks (or you need an extra one). And something that another person might admire.

So I'm going to hazard that OP can afford the other thing, as it sounds non-essential. (and now I want to play guessing games about the thing)

OP - is it reusable and up need/want an extra set up thing, or are the first 4 things now used up, and you need/want a new thing?

No you can't do that lol. Buy another, it's really not worth it.

OK I guess it’s unanimous! Thanks for the advice, I will keep quiet.

I am positive she liked it and almost positive she will never use it. It doesn’t exactly have a time limit but it’s tech related so it’s not like she can put it in a drawer and take it out 5 years from now.

Also I didn’t necessarily think of it as a gift, it was more like hey I’m not using this, why don’t you take it. I hate for it to go to waste but I take your points and also agree she’s not that into me. We have nice chats when we see each other and we’ve actually both shared a lot about ourselves but not every relationship has to be BFFs. And now that I think about it she’s been generous to me in the past so that’s one more reason to not mention it.

I am intrigued though to know what this thing is?

Can we have a clue? 😂

she "liked " it but never bought one for herself.

She has had the one you gave her for six weeks but "hasn't had time to set it up"

I think you are making big assumptions about your similar tastes. She doesn't want it, never wanted it, is probably fed up with you asking about it but is too polite to say so. Poor Jo, she can't even dump it in the school summer fair raffle in case you see it.

You need to let it go OP, next time don't give people random stuff you think they need unless they actually ask for it.

I’m not arguing btw, I am fully respecting the AIBU hive mind. Just assessing some of the questions that came up.

Answering!

I hate for it to go to waste

But you bought five of the Thing, and now six weeks later you already need a new Thing. It isn't going to waste!

Does the Thing relate to a chore? Even if I like Things, I don't get around to using them if it means another chore...

How do you know she isn’t using it? Has she said as much? Maybe she uses it at home?