To ask for this “gift” back?

[yellowish]

I am fairly friendly with “Jo,” the mum of one of my daughter’s classmates. I quite like Jo and enjoy chatting with her at pickup and school events. We always say we should get together but we virtually never do. I think I am more enthusiastic about that than she is. So I consider her a friend but not a close friend, if that’s relevant.

In some ways Jo and I have v similar tastes. I recently bought something that I loved and found really useful. I thought Jo could use a thing for herself and I didn’t know if she knew about it so I showed it to her. She admired the thing and agreed she should get one, but she never did. I wanted more of them myself so a few weeks later I bought a 5-pack of the things. At that time I only needed 4 of them so I was going to save the extra one for the future, but I knew Jo would like it so I have it to her. (If it matters, the things are worth about £20 each. If it further matters, that’s an amount that Jo and I can both afford comfortably.)

It’s now been about 6 weeks and Jo has never used the thing I gave her. She said she keeps meaning to use it but hasn’t gotten around to setting it up which takes 2 minutes . I should say that Jo has a lot on her plate and really is busier than most. So I don’t necessarily think she doesn’t want the thing, but at this point it seems unlikely that she will use it.

Now the time has come that I need another thing. Can I ask for the one back from Jo?

I am genuinely sorry for being coy about “the thing.” It’s just that it’s very specific and if Jo sees this I want her to at least not be completely sure if it’s about her. If the curiosity is just driving you insane, PM me.

Directly asking for it back is a no-no. However, I think it would be OK to say to her, I'm going to buy myself another thing - unless by any chance you don't want that one I gave you.

You can also offer to set it up for her.

Is it a Tile?

Ooh no. I can see myself getting in Jo’s situation. Enthusiastic friend shows you something, you politely agree it is nice and very useful, because you can’t very well tell enthusiastic friend it’s a bit rubbish and you don’t like it. Next thing you know enthusiastic friend is gifting you one while you think ‘oh shit, what am I going to do with this?’

But you will get lots of responses saying that because thats what it was. If you give someone something to keep and use with no payment, is a gift.

Batteries?

Don't beat about the bush. You want your vibe back as you've worn out the other four, haven't you?

Is it one of those things that makes your fridge smell fresh?

I’ve had people lend me books or DVDs before because they thought I’d enjoy and I’m so scatty it takes me ages to get round to read/watch. Am always touched someone thought of me and always intend to read/watch. She may be mortified if you ask for it back! It may be on her to do list to use and she just keeps forgetting when she has 5 minutes spare.

It’s a techy thing that costs £20 and you keep having to buy more of them? Something that get ‘used up’ to the point you’ve used 6 of them in 6 weeks yourself and now need more? I dunno, maybe it’s something Jo doesn’t want to get ‘hooked’ on and then have to sustain a weekly £20 ‘habit’ like you and she’s saving it for a special treat?

You gave it to her, it was a gift, it’s up to her when and if she uses it like any other gift. Asking for it back because she hasn’t done so in a time frame that suits you is weird and rude.

@Zilla1 ha!

You might as well say OP, Jo would probably guess it’s about her anyway if she read this. Which, there’s a high possibility she may not have.

@MonstranceClock — I’m a fucking lunatic bc I asked for advice and the advice made sense so I took it? You can’t possibly be like this in real life or you must have no friends. My mates and I regularly chat about things that are a lot more scandalous than this! And we don’t call each other names :).

I’m responding to the PMs even though they might be Jo! I honestly despise the mysterious “hobbies”. Ive always thought being vague about these kinds of things is asking for attention in its own way. But now I understand why people do it! And I’m doing my best not to be precious about it.

Like HerculesMulligan I am guessing it’s a Tile.

2019 Christmas List
socks
chocolate
amazon voucher
a multipack of things

I’m going to change my answer from the self replacing water filter to a Tile as well. Didn’t even know what it was till I googled it.

I just googled a tile (and a smart plug, and an Amazon dash button - when did I get so out of touch with technology?!)

Is a tile the find your keys thing? How can OP get through 5 of those in 6 weeks?

You spent £100 on a replacement 5 pack of something and 6 weeks later you need more....?

I’m guessing Jo doesn’t want to develop an expensive Thing dependency.

Look, being given something you didn't ask for and don't particularly want (that you only admired to be polite) is tiresome. Being pestered about the thing, whether you have used it or not, when you are going to use it, is even more tiresome. Let it go.

What's a smart plug and an Amazon dash button?

I'm guessing that Jo would probably use it IF she had the time (and mental stamina) to spend the 5 mins setting it up. I know that sometimes I'll have something that would be really great to use and would only take minutes to set up but I'll feel bogged down in everything that needs doing and I just don't have enough time or mental energy to actually sort it. So it sits there.
I'd leave her be and assume that eventually she'll use it. And I wouldn't be offended if I was Jo and read the thread, but equally I'm not Jo.

Is it an Alexa?

Is it a tile?

Please let us out of our misery

@SkydivingKittyCat I don’t think it’s just for your keys, it can be for ear pods and other things you don’t want lost, you just stick a tile on them.

They’re news to me as well.

I am genuinely sorry for being coy about “the thing.” It’s just that it’s very specific and if Jo sees this I want her to at least not be completely sure if it’s about her. If the curiosity is just driving you insane, PM me.

I’ve answered a few PMs and then I realised Jo could be the one PMing me! I’m not fussed really.

right then, might as well say what it is now

I bet this is going to be such an anti climax...

I am so glad I don’t have acquaintances who are ‘friends but not really friends.’ I couldn’t be doing with this kind of awkward interaction.

Mind you I never give anything away unless I actually don’t care about it and once I have done so that thing is dead to me and I wouldn’t dream of expecting to have it back, and I also don’t tend to accept things from other people. I don’t like the weird dynamic that often comes from it.