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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No sign of DH and DD - AIBU to feel really really worried?

317 replies

crazychemist · 19/06/2019 19:43

Starting to feel a bit panicky - AIBU?

DH picks DD (2.5) up from nursery on Wednesdays, usually at about 5.30. The nursery closes at 6.30. Sometimes he takes her to visit his grandmother before they come home.

She just called to ask if she can see them later in the week as he didn’t drop by today. So if they aren’t there, where are they??? The nursery closed over an hour ago.

AIBU to start to panic? DH doesn’t carry a mobile phone, and I can’t phone his work/the nursery to find out what time he picked up as both are now closed. If he hadn’t picked her up, they’d have been phoning me, right?

OP posts:
ReganSomerset · 19/06/2019 20:32

So glad it's all OK, OP. I hope you give him a good piece of your mind for worrying all of Mumsnet you like that!

NoSquirrels · 19/06/2019 20:33

I would be insisting on a phone. No excuses. He simply cannot he totally uncontactable while in charge of your child.

Would you accept that from anyone else? If not, why does he get his own way?

Original poster
crazychemist · 19/06/2019 20:37

Definitely going to have a large glass of wine this evening!

It’s easier to feel calm now DD is home, she obviously thinks nothing of it and is quite happy because she had an exciting adventure with daddy....

He can’t really see why I was so worried. He does have a point that I’m not always home with DD when he gets back from work, so he doesn’t necessarily know where we are or when we will be back (I work part time, and it’s not uncommon for me to pop to my mums)

OP posts:
IndieTara · 19/06/2019 20:39

Op the difference is that he can call you and check you're ok

CadburysTastesVileNow · 19/06/2019 20:39

But: if he wonders where you are or gets worried, he can phone you to find out (from landline). You can't do that.

missedith01 · 19/06/2019 20:39

Oh great news! Major grovelling needed on his part. So glad it's a happy ending for you. And ... WINE. Wine

CadburysTastesVileNow · 19/06/2019 20:40

Great minds!

SmellMySmellbow · 19/06/2019 20:40

No that's not a good point. Presumably that's during the day, not past her bedtime, and not out of character. Plus you are contactable on your mobile phone should he ever worry. Don't let him minimise this. It's staggering that he can't conceive of you worrying.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/06/2019 20:40

After you're done tearing the flesh off his bones, inform him he's getting a fucking cell phone. No debate on the subject.

JaneyJimplin · 19/06/2019 20:44

Gawd, glad they're safe but he doesn't sound at all contrite Confused

TransFannyUltrasound · 19/06/2019 20:46

Your husband sounds incredibly selfish and thoughtless with his refusal to communicate or be contactable.

NoSauce · 19/06/2019 20:49

Glad all is well OP. Him going for something to eat with DD is fine but he definitely should have let you know.

Why doesn’t he have a phone? What’s the story here?

Zofloramummy · 19/06/2019 20:50

I just don’t understand why he doesn’t have a phone? And why he didn’t think at this time of night you might of been worrying. I’d be furious, and relieved. Don’t let the relief of having my your dd gone and safe dampen your anger too much.

Zofloramummy · 19/06/2019 20:50

Random my!

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 19/06/2019 20:51

Glad to hear she’s safe- now give him the bollocking of a lifetime Wink

Zofloramummy · 19/06/2019 20:51

And home not gone - I’m tired sorry!

NoSquirrels · 19/06/2019 20:52

I’m not always home with DD when he gets back from work, so he doesn’t necessarily know where we are or when we will be back

And then if he wants or needs to know, he can call you- on your handy mobile phone, kept just for that purpose.

What is his reason for not wanting to be contactable?

adaline · 19/06/2019 20:53

I'm glad they're safe.

Why the fuck didn't he ring you from the service station and let you know, though? I would furious with his lack of thought and consideration.

Dandelion1993 · 19/06/2019 20:57

I'm sorry but it's bloody ridiculous that he doesn't have a phone.

When it's just you it doesn't matter but when you have a young child and are doing drop offs/pick ups then you need one. He needs to be Cotactable.

NoSquirrels · 19/06/2019 20:59

As your child gets older, will you be the only contact for them to school/sports clubs/after school activities?

He’s being selfish.

Thewheelsarefallingoff · 19/06/2019 21:00

What an absolute bellend. Glad your DD is home safe, op. Flowers

HappyRoots · 19/06/2019 21:02

I know you know this, but I'm angry on your behalf. He needs a f*ing phone. Once you have kids you need to be contactable by nursery, school, etc.. for emergencies. If he's got some nonsense going on about living a peaceful uninterrupted life phone-free he can just choose to not give his number out to anyone other than you, the nursery and whoever else is most important. Fuckwit. I'd have been sick with nerves OP. So glad it's all ok.

NeverSayFreelance · 19/06/2019 21:03

So glad they're okay OP! If it's any consolation, I always panic when people don't arrive at the time they are supposed to. I often start worrying about DP when he's late home from work, even though it always turns out he's just been at the McDonalds next to his office🙄 get DP a phone and make sure he uses it.

MissSkate · 19/06/2019 21:11

I'm sure the service station would have had a public phone..........

Not on, he should have made an effort to contact you!

Starlight456 · 19/06/2019 21:13

I scrolled fast through the thread worrying your dd was ok so can’t imagine the panic for you.

Yes you are contactable is the huge difference . Not what he was doing simply you didn’t know