No sign of DH and DD - AIBU to feel really really worried?

[crazychemist]

Starting to feel a bit panicky - AIBU?

DH picks DD (2.5) up from nursery on Wednesdays, usually at about 5.30. The nursery closes at 6.30. Sometimes he takes her to visit his grandmother before they come home.

She just called to ask if she can see them later in the week as he didn’t drop by today. So if they aren’t there, where are they??? The nursery closed over an hour ago.

AIBU to start to panic? DH doesn’t carry a mobile phone, and I can’t phone his work/the nursery to find out what time he picked up as both are now closed. If he hadn’t picked her up, they’d have been phoning me, right?

I’d find it hard to go along with his decision not to have a phone. What if he broke down somewhere non residential and not near any services? What if he was caught in traffic and running late to pick her up from nursery? What if you we’re ill needed to contact him. There are so many what ifs when you have a child. A simple phone call or the ability to contact him would have prevented you a she’d load of stress tonight.

Glad they are home safe. Is there any chance your DH could be a gambler? This is the sort of thing my cousin would do, he simply could not walk past slot machines or a bookies without going in and then lost all track of time.
Forgive me if that sounds fantastical, he goes to GA now, every Monday, with about 75 other fellas, it's a common problem.

So glad your DD is home and tucked up in bed, you must insist he has a mobile phone for circumstances like this, he could have sent a quick text or called you to tell you he's going to be a bit late whilst DD was playing, it will save so much trouble next time, but not having a phone in this day and age is ridiculous, what if he'd broken down? Being stuck on the side of a busy B road with a tired and hungry toddler is no joke.

OMG! He can't see why you were worried? Maybe he needs teaching! Maybe you should go AWOL with DD and see how he likes it! But in a while, not straight away! Lull him into a false sense of security!

I had to ask my OH what he would do if I popped to local morrisons without a phone!
I did it in steps from 5 o clock, and his replies were (before i explained the thread)
He said
After an hour he would panic (Morrisons is 10 mins away)
2 hours would stroll down and look for us
3 hours probably ring my sister/parents
4 hours - police

The man needs a phone, even an old Nokia, doesnt even have to give others the number just you.

Glad they are home safe

The services would have had a pay phone, he's a selfish arse if he's equating popping out in the afternoon top being uncontactable past her bedtime!!

Wow that’s selfish.
So glad they are both safe though. You are very restrained op.

He can’t really see why I was so worried. He does have a point that I’m not always home with DD when he gets back from work, so he doesn’t necessarily know where we are or when we will be back (I work part time, and it’s not uncommon for me to pop to my mums)

The difference is you sometimes do that and can be rung. He sometimes visits his gran (I think you said gran) and you knew he wasn't there and he never goes anywhere else. He's not usually late and he has no phone for you to call. He needs a phone for situations like this one. I'd be furious if my dh behaved like yours.

Red flags.

He refuses to carry a phone even when he has a toddler in his care. And your parents don't like him (with specific reference to the phone issue). There's more to this, isn't there OP?

Hmmm I'm not buying this either op. Who else was at the service station? Could he be trading goods from his work illegally?

So glad to get to the end of this with a happy ending!

Ish anyway. Bit gaslighting to say you shouldn't be worried as sometimes you are not in when he gets home from work... Assuming that's not way past a toddlers bed time!
But even so, you could let him know where you were if he'd carry a bloody phone!

Is he normally this controlling? Has he used the child before to try and assert his power?

Really??? He thinks this is normal? It's not ok for him to do this. He needs a phone so he can let you know of any changes in plans or emergencies. Fir crying out loud what reason can he possibly have for not carrying one?

Danni91 i like your OH :D

I agree that his story doesn't quite ring true...

Also that he need to carry a phone. He never need use it except to call you in circumstances like this or to receive calls from your or nursery, but it's not okay to be a parent and not be contactable in emergencies this day and age.

I’ve had a number of toddlers and none of them took 2.5 hours to have a wee and eat dinner.

2 hrs for a bite. A wee. And a run around ..
Surely you don't believe that do you?

inconsiderate twat and it doens take that long they werent in a michelin star restuarant

What time is he usually home when he goes to grandmas? What time is DD bedtime? How late do you come home when you’ve popped to your mums?

They are big indicators of whether it was reasonable for him to think you wouldn’t be worried.

How would it take almost 3 hours to get home via a service station if he picked her up at 5.30? Why does he not carry a phone? Is he always this thoughtless?

I think once the panic had worn off I would be asking myself these questions.

Thank you for updating. My blood pressure was doing somersaults. I'm still raging for you though. Its not just about him anymore. You have a child. He needs to get a phone and grow up.

What a dickhead your husband is. I don't t like him either

He needs to not only have a phone but keep it charged, switched on and on his person.
Then you can contact him, if need be, not just him contact you if he feels like it.

In reality, I think he'd get a phone if pushed but would keep it in the car, switched off. So very little use to you.

^ I've met the type before - selfish & inconsiderate.

This thread is a bit of an eye-opener to me.

I'm actually a bit shocked that people find it strange that he didn't have a phone. I rarely take my phone out of the house unless I know that I will need to use it while I am out. I would never demand that someone carried a phone with them.

Glad they are home tho.