Pretty certain DH has forgotten my birthday

[BirthdayBlueSx]

Today is my 30th birthday, I knew my DH was due to work today but if mine or his birthday fall on a weekday he usually takes a days holiday or at least a half day as a surprise and we go for lunch. He will usually say he can’t get time off and will suprise me in the morning or will come home early.

He hasn’t taken a half day as he didn’t come home at lunch but he’s just messaged saying he’s doing overtime until 8pm. Had a chat over messages and he’s not mentioned my birthday at all. I’m not going to remind him, if he’s forgotten so be it.

About 6 weeks ago he asked me to send a gift list to him. I did with links, a pair of shoes for £50 a bottle of spirt and a box of chocolates and said that he could get them in the local supermarket. He asked me to order the shoes so I did and put them unopened in his wardrobe.

On the weekend he told me not to expect anything for my birthday apart from the shoes as he’s not had time to get anything. Despite driving past the supermarket every single day and stopping for fuel at least twice a week.

I feel disappointed, my DHs 40th was last year and I got him some thoughtful gifts, organized a suprise meal with his family and close friends and took him on a city mini-break and sorted flights hotel and sports tickets so we could see a event he’s always wanted to see and even booked the time off without him knowing a thing.

My parents gave me a card with some money at the weekend and said they would sort something at a later date for a meal out as know doubt I would bust with either friends or DH and the kids.

None of my close friends have acknowledged it either, not even any plans later in the week. They have all had their big birthdays and we’ve done spa day, cream teas, and 2 weekends away.

AIBU to be a bit sad about it that no ones remembered?

But perhaps we have made our point, I cross posted with your apology rob and don't wish to derail the thread.

I dont think I condoned forgetful behaviour but in my experience and not just with men, if some people are given the choice to not have to remember or not conditioned into doing it (so mothered or fathered growing up) then they won't do it.

This isnt a good thing and if you get with a partner who cant be bothered to remember important dates then dont give in to them and make them sort things out for themselves otherwise you make a rod for your own back.

The only other thought for someone "forgetting" a birthday is if the relationship is new. I know it took me a few months to make sure I remembered my DH birthdate but in the ops situation it cant be unless we are missing information

Buzz sorry I was quoting what Rob said to you, but the holding failed for some reason.

I hate stereotypical generalisations about either sex. We need to get rid of this shit, and yes, it does need pointing out. In this case especially, saying men don't remember or the women need to remind them - STOP excusing OP's DH and other equally selfish uncaring men on sexist stereotypical shit.

Hear, hear! Stop the sexual stereotyping. Just expect both men and women to be kind people, who don’t hurt their partners. Their sex does not give them an excuse.

Did your DH say anything when you didn't go out, is he at least acting contrite?

Sorry about the shoes, I hope you are able to get something nice later.

@Rob2019 you don't get to tell me off as rude, I suggest that AIBU is not the place for you. Your follow up comment was equally as fucking stupid. Stop generalising and excusing men!

I offer my sincere apologies for any comments that have caused offence or implied any excuse to this behaviour. That wasnt my intention. I accept my first post was badly worded and whilst I tried to apologise and explain more in followup responses I accept the damage was done and I also apologise to those I was rude too.

I have found MN to be a great resource of information and support whilst I have been on leave looking after my daughter and decided to start participating recently. Perhaps that was a mistake.

I wish the @BirthdayBlueSx well and hope you are able to resolve things with your DH.

Don’t be put off Rob. This was an unfortunate thread to dip your ties into, that’s all. Though if you haven’t got sucked in to posting too much yet I would give you a tip- don’t do it. You’ll not be able to stop and your poor child will find herself foraging in the garden for berries as you type yet another post just to make extra sure that your opinion on a parking thread has been acknowledged .

Rob don’t be put off from posting. This kind of thing happens everyday on AIBU and not everyone apologises, so good for you!
And I agree with every word of Grace’s last post.

Rob, don't be put off posting - people are pretty, erm, blunt and direct when you post something that sounds a tad off, but generally they're pretty accepting when you acknowledge your cock ups - or so I've found!

AIBU is the viper's pit, don't take it personally.

Rob MN is great and my DH found it very very useful when he was a SAHD. I don't think there was an AIBU section then though

Why is everyone falling over themselves to encourage poor sexist Rob to keep posting?

Why is everyone falling over themselves to encourage poor sexist Rob to keep posting?

^^this!

In the hope of making him realise the error of his ways seriously though, if someone is challenged on their views and "educated" (for want of a better word) it's a good thing, surely.

Plenty of people get "educated" and flounce off on AIBU everyday. The chorus of "oh no don't go Rob" seems... unusual.

Because he said that he had found it a useful source of support and information as a parent. I believe that that is still a key aim of Mumsnet even if some people treat it like a forum for bare knuckle fighting. And all children deserve parents who are informed and supported.

I have a bit of sympathy for Rob, because I'm new here, and have stepped on a few toes, and been robustly and firmly put in my place, lol, so I know how it feels.

I'd be saying the same to a woman, don't worry.

What are you trying to say exactly PCohle? Why do you think it's "...unusual"?

Because I don't think it's the reaction a women would get to flouncing because her remarks didn't go down well.

You can say that instead of alluding to it in a pass agg kind of way, you know. I think it's a bollocks theory and really don't like the insinuation I (amongst others) am some sort fawning handmaiden because someone is a man. I assure you nothing can be farther from the truth!

Someone who fucks up and acknowledges there wrong, fine with me, whatever their sex.

I did say it though, and other posters seemed perfectly able to discern my point.

Seriously, Rob generalises about poor little menz unable to remember dates and then does the whole passive-aggressive "you're right, I'm sorry, I'll just leave" thing and a bunch of women start fawning over him. Wise up!

The OP’s husband didn’t forget. He knew it was her birthday and made a deliberate, unilateral decision not to celebrate it.

Personally I’d find that extremely hurtful and can’t understand how someone who loves their wife would do that. Which, to me, means that he doesn’t and so either needs to screw his head back and sort out his priorities or leave.

@Rob2019

Far from it, I'm just pointing out a fact!

Just because you're male we're not going to believe you when you say that it's a fact that men are crap at remembering dates!

You said something stupid, own it.