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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Pretty certain DH has forgotten my birthday

686 replies

BirthdayBlueSx · 19/06/2019 17:39

Today is my 30th birthday, I knew my DH was due to work today but if mine or his birthday fall on a weekday he usually takes a days holiday or at least a half day as a surprise and we go for lunch. He will usually say he can’t get time off and will suprise me in the morning or will come home early.

He hasn’t taken a half day as he didn’t come home at lunch but he’s just messaged saying he’s doing overtime until 8pm. Had a chat over messages and he’s not mentioned my birthday at all. I’m not going to remind him, if he’s forgotten so be it.

About 6 weeks ago he asked me to send a gift list to him. I did with links, a pair of shoes for £50 a bottle of spirt and a box of chocolates and said that he could get them in the local supermarket. He asked me to order the shoes so I did and put them unopened in his wardrobe.

On the weekend he told me not to expect anything for my birthday apart from the shoes as he’s not had time to get anything. Despite driving past the supermarket every single day and stopping for fuel at least twice a week.

I feel disappointed, my DHs 40th was last year and I got him some thoughtful gifts, organized a suprise meal with his family and close friends and took him on a city mini-break and sorted flights hotel and sports tickets so we could see a event he’s always wanted to see and even booked the time off without him knowing a thing.

My parents gave me a card with some money at the weekend and said they would sort something at a later date for a meal out as know doubt I would bust with either friends or DH and the kids.

None of my close friends have acknowledged it either, not even any plans later in the week. They have all had their big birthdays and we’ve done spa day, cream teas, and 2 weekends away.

AIBU to be a bit sad about it that no ones remembered?

OP posts:
TheInvestigator · 19/06/2019 17:55

With the your friends birthday trips, did the birthday person arrange it or did someone in the group plan it?

BirthdayBlueSx · 19/06/2019 17:55

I honestly don’t think there is a suprise party as he’s not even said we’re going out. And that would require actually getting dressed up not lounging out in jeans and a hoodie.

OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 19/06/2019 17:56

I would hate a surprise anything, and keeping it till the end of the day to acknowledge your birthday is just cruel.

MulticolourMophead · 19/06/2019 17:57

Fuck that, surprise parties are mean if it means the birthday person feeling like shit all day.

Agree. And OP isn't necessarily going to feel great if she's had no warning to dress up, etc, because who wants to be at a surprise party where everyone else is looking glam and you're in your scruff stuff because you weren't expecting to even go out for dinner.

mummymeister · 19/06/2019 17:57

Has he forgotten before BirthdayBlueSx?I am sorry I am with you. If I had planned a surprise party for my OH then I would make sure everything was the same as always, do the presents and cards in the morning, lunch etc. would you consider going off at the weekend? Because honestly I think you DO have to make a fuss about this.

Sonicknuckles · 19/06/2019 17:58

Happy Birthday! Really hoping there's a surprise waiting for you too.

InFiveMins · 19/06/2019 17:58

I do think something must be planned for you as it seems odd to me he remembered to ask you previously for a gift wish list. Also for your friends to also forget is definitely off.

I think if nothing happens by 8pm then yes he will have forgotten and I'd go mad at him especially after the effort you put in for his 40th!

Whatsallthisaboutthen · 19/06/2019 17:58

Of course YANBU. What an arse he is being. I’m sorry, and happy birthday! Can you take yourself out for a treat to distract you from his selfishness?

Timmytoo · 19/06/2019 18:00

Could it be a surprise party maybe which is why nobody has acknowledged it?

MulticolourMophead · 19/06/2019 18:00

OP, if it looks like nothing is happening, why not go off to a restaurant on your own? Treat yourself and get out of the house.

Timmytoo · 19/06/2019 18:01

Sorry to repeat a question up thread, my browser hadn't refreshed to show the last few messages so please ignore my question.

Cakemadeoffruit · 19/06/2019 18:02

Sorry but I would be furious. If he comes home and in the first five minutes doesn't acknowledge your birthday, I'd be telling him he's putting the kids to bed whilst you go up the pub to celebrate your 30th birthday. Then I'd pick up my bag and coat, flounce and slam the door behind me. Fucker.

Happy birthday btw FlowersCakeWine

Lipz · 19/06/2019 18:03

Maybe he'll come home with a nice take away and some wine, give it till 8.30pm or however long it takes him to get home if finished at 8pm. Maybe he has a party arranged for the weekend. If you both normally do surprises, it's not too late. If he hasn't anything when he comes in, go to the supermarket buy yourself a big cream cake some candles and go home and light them and sing happy birthday in front of him. Then I'd go to the pub

MrsFrankCastle · 19/06/2019 18:03

Oh I really hope he pulls something out of the bag for you OP! Happy birthday

mogloveseggs · 19/06/2019 18:04

That really not very nice of him.
Dh can be like this-he is shit at presents etc.
Gets upset when I call him out but tough shit he deserves it.
I really hope he has something lovely up his sleeve for you
And happy birthday!!!!

honeygirlz · 19/06/2019 18:04

He asked me to order the shoes so I did and put them unopened in his wardrobe

he told me not to expect anything for my birthday apart from the shoes as he’s not had time to get anything. Despite driving past the supermarket every single day and stopping for fuel at least twice a week.

he's a cunt. Make him order his own birthday present next year. Better yet, don't give him anything.

And don't acknowledge your friends' birthdays either.
You seem to be surrounded by selfish twats.

Could you go spend time with your parents impromptu?

Don't be sat at home waiting the twat.

MulticolourMophead · 19/06/2019 18:05

Thing is, if there is a surprise party, they would all have been better of at least sending birthday greeting to the OP. That would at least have left OP feeling like people cared and wouldn't have given a party away. But it's 6pm and bugger all acknowlegement, not going to leave OP feeling great, is it?

sadkoala · 19/06/2019 18:06

Happy Brithday OP!

NannyRed · 19/06/2019 18:07

Oh I hope he remembered. Maybe the “working until 8” is a cover for a surprise party.
Sorry you feel so alone, have a great birthday from me.
🎁 🍰 🍾 🥂 💐
I know a MN party isn’t quite the same, but it’s all I can do from here.

LagunaBubbles · 19/06/2019 18:09

Maybe it's just me but to the people suggesting OP go out for a meal herself, we'll sitting in a resturaunt alone having a meal on my birthday would make me feel worse!

SunnyInGrimsby · 19/06/2019 18:11

I hope you 'forget' his bday next year! He sounds horrible but perhaps he has redeeming features 🙄
Very happy birthday to you.

Nixen · 19/06/2019 18:12

I’d be on the mulberry website with the joint credit card if I was you

ChoccieEClaire · 19/06/2019 18:12

If he told you about the shoes being your only pressie at the weekend there's no way he could have forgotten!
Even if he does sort a surprise I would be annoyed that I was made to feel bad and neglected for most of the day. Are the children home with you? Have you already had dinner on your own?
When your friends have had things for their big birthdays have they organised them or has someone done it on their behalf?
I really hope he pulls something spectacular out of the bag for you to make up for today but you have every right to feel how you do Flowers

WitchitaMickey · 19/06/2019 18:13

OP it's my birthday too and I am also having a shit one! I did get gifts, DH got me a tshirt 2 sizes too small and got annoyed with me when I said it wont fit...then I saw DM who moaned non stop and then picked an argument with me about my Dsis, which made me cry. Happy birthday to us!

(Fuck them!)

AlansLeftMoob · 19/06/2019 18:13

If there's no surprise arranged I would walk out when he comes home and if he asks where you're going I'd say "to treat myself, it's a fairly big day for me isn't it" and go to the cinema. Fuck him! That's horrid, OP.