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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Pretty certain DH has forgotten my birthday

686 replies

BirthdayBlueSx · 19/06/2019 17:39

Today is my 30th birthday, I knew my DH was due to work today but if mine or his birthday fall on a weekday he usually takes a days holiday or at least a half day as a surprise and we go for lunch. He will usually say he can’t get time off and will suprise me in the morning or will come home early.

He hasn’t taken a half day as he didn’t come home at lunch but he’s just messaged saying he’s doing overtime until 8pm. Had a chat over messages and he’s not mentioned my birthday at all. I’m not going to remind him, if he’s forgotten so be it.

About 6 weeks ago he asked me to send a gift list to him. I did with links, a pair of shoes for £50 a bottle of spirt and a box of chocolates and said that he could get them in the local supermarket. He asked me to order the shoes so I did and put them unopened in his wardrobe.

On the weekend he told me not to expect anything for my birthday apart from the shoes as he’s not had time to get anything. Despite driving past the supermarket every single day and stopping for fuel at least twice a week.

I feel disappointed, my DHs 40th was last year and I got him some thoughtful gifts, organized a suprise meal with his family and close friends and took him on a city mini-break and sorted flights hotel and sports tickets so we could see a event he’s always wanted to see and even booked the time off without him knowing a thing.

My parents gave me a card with some money at the weekend and said they would sort something at a later date for a meal out as know doubt I would bust with either friends or DH and the kids.

None of my close friends have acknowledged it either, not even any plans later in the week. They have all had their big birthdays and we’ve done spa day, cream teas, and 2 weekends away.

AIBU to be a bit sad about it that no ones remembered?

OP posts:
loveacupoftea18 · 19/06/2019 17:41

I'm really sorry. A massive happy birthday from me Thanks

Thursday452poh · 19/06/2019 17:43

Oh OP poor form on his behalf, I’m routing for you that he comes home early with some lavish surprise! It’s your blooming 30th after all!

Thursday452poh · 19/06/2019 17:43

HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🥳🥳🥳🥳

MulticolourMophead · 19/06/2019 17:44

Oh, I'm sorry, that sucks. Happy Birthday Thanks

I hope your DH makes this up to you, and also your friends. Perhaps it's time to make a fuss.

TheInvestigator · 19/06/2019 17:45

It's my 30th today too!!! Happy Birthday!!!

I'm so sorry he seems to have forgotten. It's not about the birthday; it's about feeling that you don't matter. You deserve some fuss made over you. When he gets home, why don't you say something along the lines of "I know you said not to expect anything from you for today, but I feel completely unloved. You didn't even hand me the present I bought for myself. We can't go back and change that now, but could after the fuss I made for your birthday, would you please make some plans for this weekend or next, something we can enjoy together".

Don't get angry. If he is confrontational toward you, then calmly tell him that you havnt hurt him but he has hurt you, so he should take a walk to calm down and then speak to you in a more appropriate way because you will not be attacked for this.

BumandChips · 19/06/2019 17:45

That’s really shit.

mummymeister · 19/06/2019 17:45

OMG I feel really sad reading this. What an absolute shit he is being. Birthdays are important and buying a gift is so easy these days - you just go on, click, it gets sent. No effort required whatsoever and he cant even be arsed to do this. I would be savage if my DH did this to me. There is no excuse for it. What I dont know is if this is symptomatic of the effort he puts into the rest of your relationship. because if it is, I would be having words about what I expected in terms of commitment and caring. Book yourself something to do this weekend. dont say anything pack a bag on Saturday morning and say you are off on your birthday treat and you will see him Sunday night. so sorry for you right now OP I really am.

Monkeytapper · 19/06/2019 17:46

Is there a chance they have organised a surprise party for you?

Birdie6 · 19/06/2019 17:46

So he knew about it weeks ago , asked what you wanted and has mentioned it just a couple of days ago on the weekend ? The whole thing seems very odd .Unless the "working late until 8pm" is a ruse and he is actually planning some kind of surprise ? The fact that your close friends haven't mentioned it either, does make me think of a surprise party. I hope so anyway.

Happy birthday by the way !

OldUnit · 19/06/2019 17:46

YANBU. Unless he pulls a massive surprise out of the bag tonight, I'd be pissed.

mummymeister · 19/06/2019 17:47

But even if it was a surprise party, surely he would get the shoes out of the wardrobe wrap them up and give them to the OP? that would make it even more plausible wouldnt it?

QOD · 19/06/2019 17:48

He better be planning a surprise or he’s in for one

Lipz · 19/06/2019 17:48

Happy Birthday

Could it new he has arranged a surprise party for you, hence why no one has mentioned it ?

Or maybe he isn't working late and will come home and surprise you ?

It's doubtful he's forgotten as he's already asked you what you want.

gamerchick · 19/06/2019 17:50

Fuck that, surprise parties are mean if it means the birthday person feeling like shit all day.

Happy birthday OP, Flowers give your husband what for

MyNewBearTotoro · 19/06/2019 17:50

YANBU to be upset if they’ve forgotten, although there is still a chance for you to find DH has a surprise evening out planned if surprises are usually his thing.

In terms of your friends, when the previous things have been organised were they done by the friend group without the birthday persons input or were they instigated/ planned by the person having a birthday? I have always organised my own birthday plans with friends so wouldn’t expect anything to happen unless I got the ball rolling.

BorisBadunov · 19/06/2019 17:50

Happy birthday OP! Today’s my birthday too, but I’m considerably older 👵🏻 .

Your DH is a dick. I’m very sorry. My ex did the same thing to me, so I fully empathise.

CadburysTastesVileNow · 19/06/2019 17:50

I think surprise in the works too ...

MrsElizabethShelby · 19/06/2019 17:51

Op, why don't you want to make a fuss? If this were me I wouldn't have gotten through the morning without having to say something!

It's your birthday for god's sake!

Disfordarkchocolate · 19/06/2019 17:53

I'd be taking myself put for a nice meal.

BananaCatto · 19/06/2019 17:53

I really hope there’s a surprise waiting for you!

Birthdays are very special and I’m sorry you feel like this. Happy birthday xx

MrsElizabethShelby · 19/06/2019 17:53

I would also group message my friends with something passive aggressive like'thanks so much for all your birthday wishes, love you all too' dickheads.

FilthyforFirth · 19/06/2019 17:54

Oh how rubbish. Happy Birthday from me! Fingers crossed they have a surprise party planned.

Pretendapony · 19/06/2019 17:55

I think if people haven’t really acknowledged a big birthday you’ve got a surprise coming up!

MrsMozartMkII · 19/06/2019 17:55

Well that's a bugger lass.

I wouldn't be nearly as calm as you sound.

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you.
Happy Birthday dear BirthdayBlueSx,
Happy Birthday to you!

Pretendapony · 19/06/2019 17:55

PS Happy Birthday!