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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Pretty certain DH has forgotten my birthday

686 replies

BirthdayBlueSx · 19/06/2019 17:39

Today is my 30th birthday, I knew my DH was due to work today but if mine or his birthday fall on a weekday he usually takes a days holiday or at least a half day as a surprise and we go for lunch. He will usually say he can’t get time off and will suprise me in the morning or will come home early.

He hasn’t taken a half day as he didn’t come home at lunch but he’s just messaged saying he’s doing overtime until 8pm. Had a chat over messages and he’s not mentioned my birthday at all. I’m not going to remind him, if he’s forgotten so be it.

About 6 weeks ago he asked me to send a gift list to him. I did with links, a pair of shoes for £50 a bottle of spirt and a box of chocolates and said that he could get them in the local supermarket. He asked me to order the shoes so I did and put them unopened in his wardrobe.

On the weekend he told me not to expect anything for my birthday apart from the shoes as he’s not had time to get anything. Despite driving past the supermarket every single day and stopping for fuel at least twice a week.

I feel disappointed, my DHs 40th was last year and I got him some thoughtful gifts, organized a suprise meal with his family and close friends and took him on a city mini-break and sorted flights hotel and sports tickets so we could see a event he’s always wanted to see and even booked the time off without him knowing a thing.

My parents gave me a card with some money at the weekend and said they would sort something at a later date for a meal out as know doubt I would bust with either friends or DH and the kids.

None of my close friends have acknowledged it either, not even any plans later in the week. They have all had their big birthdays and we’ve done spa day, cream teas, and 2 weekends away.

AIBU to be a bit sad about it that no ones remembered?

OP posts:
VivienneHolt · 19/06/2019 18:16

That’s really disappointing, yanbu. Although I do find it really weird that your birthday has been approaching without the two of you discussing plans for it! He should have organised something though.

Starfish28 · 19/06/2019 18:16

Can everyone really of forgotten? That sucks. Work out what you want to do then make it happen at the weekend? I would be mightily upset if my husband did this

LindaLa · 19/06/2019 18:17

Where do you live OP?

Get a load of MNers round, who'll stare and judge him when he comes in from work (and bring you gin)

Chuffingchuff · 19/06/2019 18:19

That's really unfair and selfish of your DH. If he doesnt remember when he gets home, go out yourself! Call a friend and go out for a couple of hours.

fruitbrewhaha · 19/06/2019 18:22

I do think it's a bit odd that you haven't arranged anything yourself. I always say what I'd like to do and get all my friends involved. I don't just sit waiting for someone to organise it all for me.

Pinotjo · 19/06/2019 18:22

I'd go with the pp who said go out, get dressed up & when he gets home, go to the local curry house or whatever you prefer and defo say "to treat myself, it's a fairly big day for me isn't it" and leave, ps take a book so you're not staring into space. I go out for meals by myself, quite enjoy my own company. Hes a shit, happy birthday Flowers

itsboiledeggsagain · 19/06/2019 18:24
Flowers
TamTam25 · 19/06/2019 18:24

How sad, plan something nice with a friend Thanks

SongforSal · 19/06/2019 18:24

Happy Birthday!

If it makes you feel better, my 30th was a massive car crash (I am 37 now). Dp didn't organise a thing. We both booked the day of work and got ready to 'go out'. I assumed we were of for lunch etc......well fuck knows what Dp thought we were getting ready for. I came downstairs to find him eating a bowl of soup and dipping a couple of slices of bread , I was a little confused and when I questioned it he said he didn't realise we were eating out twat

Anyway, he noticed as he shovelled the last mouthful of bread in his mouth that the underside was green with mould, he promptly started heaving, stood up and was sick at my feet, it splashed all up my outfit.

Also, I now only a couple of friends due to whittling out those who couldn't give a crap about me. Been there OP with mates expecting a fanfare on their birthday, yet mine warranted only a FB message!

Chunkers · 19/06/2019 18:26

🎶 Happy Birthday to ya 🎶 Happy Birthday 🎶... etc. Get a bit drunk, order lots of stuff online and have lots of lovely surprises arriving during the next few days. Spoil yourself 🥳 🎂 🎁

BumandChips · 19/06/2019 18:27

I really don’t understand not saying anything. You don’t have to be angry, being disappointed in someone is so much worse. Let him know how hurt you are. Let your friends know.

Ironmansmyhero · 19/06/2019 18:27

Thats awful!
I'd be devastated if my partner (dont have one 🤣) didn't ring in the morning from work to wish me happy or even send a text.
It's your 30th too Sad
Massive Happy Birthday OP Flowers
Organise a night with a friend that has wished you happy birthday soon

Oh and make him buy his own dam present next year too!

TokyoSushi · 19/06/2019 18:27

Oh OP, that's rubbish, I really hope that there's a surprise Flowers

saraclara · 19/06/2019 18:29

Yes - Who organised the events for your friends' birthdays? Were they surprises, or did they arrange them themselves? Did any of them ask what you were planning at any point in the last couple of months?

Your husband of course, sucks. Unless he really has got a surprise planned and it didn't occur to him that you would need time to get ready.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 19/06/2019 18:29

Oh OP that's rubbish of him. Happy birthdayCakeGlitterballGin

clucky3 · 19/06/2019 18:29

I really hope this is all an act and there's a big surprise in the offing. Is it unusual for your friends not to have contacted you on your birthday?

Happy birthday from me anyway 🎂

Delatron · 19/06/2019 18:30

Well it is really shit of him to forget but why didn’t you just say something this morning so you could have had a nice birthday? You could have had lunch together or he could have finished early. Now it’s nearly ruined (unless it is a surprise party).

I would have been mentioning it for the last few days rather than passively waiting to see if he forgot or not (sorry).

bigtoes · 19/06/2019 18:30

Happy birthday OP WineThanksCake

YouDancin · 19/06/2019 18:31

You sure he's not got a surprise party lined up?
I always think the people who have these must think everyone has forgotten them as they are all trying not to spill the beans until the evening. But the birthday person could end up feeling totally forgotten and resentful until the reveal.

Fluffymullet · 19/06/2019 18:31

My money is on a late surprise, especially if parents and friends have not asked what you are doing....

YouDancin · 19/06/2019 18:32

Shite - I could try RTFT couldn't I. But I still hope it is this.

SmallPinkBear · 19/06/2019 18:33

FlowersCake
Happy Birthday OP. I agree with a pp, do some online shopping and treat yourself. Why don’t you get a takeaway (for yourself only) and put on your favourite film and try to forget about everyone else

mummymeister · 19/06/2019 18:33

Delatron - really? she gave him a birthday list. she then bought her own present and you still think it was her responsibility to remind him? what is he 5 years old and cant read a bloody calendar or set a reminder on his phone.

Disfordarkchocolate · 19/06/2019 18:33

Even if he turns up at 8 with a strong quartet and a personal chef it's not going to take away 12 crappy hours.

Quartz2208 · 19/06/2019 18:36

hopefully there is a surprise waiting for you

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