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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU nephew not attending wedding

308 replies

LittleMissCool · 18/06/2019 23:45

Have been planning my wedding for 2 years, said wedding happening in 2 months. Notified today by a family member that nephew won't be attending due to routine sporting competition.

Very very close to my sister (nephews mum), we are best friends and see each other daily, she hasn't mentioned this to me at all I've heard through sister in law.

I babysit my sister's other children over night on a Friday and 1 night in the week so my nephew (age 10) can practise his sport.

I'm so hurt and upset that his sport is taking priority over my wedding and that sister considers it more important. Though mostly I'm upset that she didn't talk to me.

AIBU to be upset by this?

OP posts:
RosaWaiting · 20/06/2019 21:41

"If I were you I would seriously be reconsidering facilitating his sport in future."

but that's punishing him for his parents' choice, he's 10!

Ilikelegos · 20/06/2019 22:38

Only on mumsnet you will find people who will tell you that you are being unreasonable.
I don’t know of a single person around me who will let their ten year old child go to some match instead of their aunts wedding . I would be upset if people RSVP to an event and then don’t plan and don’t have the guts to inform me .

As a child we went to all family and friends important events and it’s the same with my kids . Also people need to learn to honour commitments

walkinginshadows · 20/06/2019 23:30

Interesting that most of these comments say a 10-year-old won’t be interested in attending his aunt’s wedding and shouldn’t have to if he doesn’t feel like it - and yet there is always a thread from a parent feeling outraged and insulted because their DC aren’t invited to a family wedding 🤷‍♀️

Unless the sporting event is for an international event then the 10-year-old should attend his aunt’s wedding - children need to learn it’s not all about them and what they want, and sometimes our actions can make another person feel happy or very sad.

Tavannach · 21/06/2019 00:23

children need to learn it’s not all about them and what they want, and sometimes our actions can make another person feel happy or very sad.

And then when they grow up and have their own weddings they'll recognise that a 10 year old taking part in a competition he's been preparing for is a perfectly valid reason to miss part of the day.

^It's an invitation not a summons.° Applies to 10 year olds too.

I hope you a great day, OP and a long and loving marriage.

leckford · 21/06/2019 06:30

Two years to prepare for a wedding ? We did it in two weeks, we are still married 20 years later, most people whose weddings we attended are not, at least to the same people.

The child will be bored to tears, but then I hate weddings.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 21/06/2019 07:13

children need to learn it’s not all about them and what they wan

You could say that about many brides too.

AnnabelleBronstein · 21/06/2019 07:16

Do people really let a 10 year old decide what family events they do and don’t attend?? He’ll find it boring? Tough shit, that’s life kid!

Contraceptionismyfriend · 21/06/2019 07:21

Presumably the parents are in agreement that this event is of greater importance than the wedding.

Lizzie3869 · 21/06/2019 08:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lizzie3869 · 21/06/2019 08:20

Sorry, wrong thread! Blush

imnotcheryl · 21/06/2019 08:28

I can't imagine ever thinking that a monthly sporting event is more important than family. People's priorities are bizarre.

katewhinesalot · 21/06/2019 08:28

I'd suck it up and let it go but I certainly wouldn't be putting myself out to babysit the other kids so much.
Fair enough if I was free but if something comes up that I'd like to go to, I wouldn't be Turning that down anymore. And I wouldn't feel bad even about just having a break if I feel like it. In other words I'd prioritise myself from now on - just like they have.

katewhinesalot · 21/06/2019 08:30

And actually I wouldn't be bothered if it was just him missing it and a friends parent dropping him back later. He's just a kid. I'd be bothered about brother in law missing it and my sister's attitude.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 21/06/2019 08:38

Sister should've approached OP and apologised. The way she's gone about it is wrong. But I don't think it's wrong to allow the child to pursue his passion.

FrancisCrawford · 21/06/2019 08:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lazymare · 21/06/2019 09:07

A routine event, that happens monthly, is not a priority. It’s ridiculous to suggest it is some make or break event, when it is totally run of the mill.

Unfortunately even in some kids' sports missing one competition could possibly affect their placing for the next season/year. That might mean missing a team place, not progressing as they should etc. Possibly life changing.

It might not be as straightforward as 'run of the mill' and presumably his parents would know best about that.

FrancisCrawford · 21/06/2019 09:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Woody68 · 21/06/2019 09:12

All this cuts 2 ways. Presence at the wedding is important to the bride but I think people are underestimating the importance of the event to the boy.

lazymare · 21/06/2019 09:16

when she has already paid for two meals that will be wasted?

Because she won't let them have the meals now.

My point about the sport is that we don't know how important it is. Maybe they thought he wouldn't need to go to this one until the last minute. Sometimes county placings etc go down to the wire.

Yes it's not ideal, has been handled badly, and I can see why the OP is upset.

Sherkin · 21/06/2019 09:33

I think people are demonising the sister unnecessarily, on the available informatiom. We have no idea whether she's completely blasée about this, or whether she's in fact been worrying about it since it emerged that her child's competition clashed with the wedding, and has been talking it over with other family members in an attempt to figure out how to approach it with her sister, before being dropped in it by another family member telling the OP first.

The wedding is still two months away -- I realise venues vary in terms of when you need to give them final numbers, but when I helped a friend organise her wedding a couple of years back, I remember she needed to give them final numbers four weeks before the date itself. Maybe the sister hopes the competition date will change and thinks she has a bit of time before telling the OP?

nuxe1984 · 21/06/2019 09:34

Put this into perspective:

A wedding is (hopefully) a one -off occasion

This 10 year olds sporting thing is a regular event - missing one will make no difference in the long run.

I don't think YABU and I think your sister is being rather selfish and sending a message to her child that his needs/wants are more important than anyone else's …

Not a good message to send ...

GraceSlicksRabbit · 21/06/2019 09:34

Sherkin OP says they have since discussed and the sister fails to see any issue and is unrepentant about how she has handled the communication.

Sherkin · 21/06/2019 09:44

Well, I'm not sure I'd see the issue in quite such dramatic terms as the OP, either. I certainly didn't see my own wedding as the event of the decade, or get outraged if people couldn't make it, or make all of it. And if the RSVP date has not yet come and gone, the sister might well have thought there was time enough to discuss it.

The OP says her sister is her best friend, and they're extremely close and see one another daily, so it seems entirely out of character that she would consciously hurt the OP.

lazymare · 21/06/2019 09:48

This 10 year olds sporting thing is a regular event - missing one will make no difference in the long run.

You don't know that. My daughter missed her rating this year because of bad decisions I made about which competitions to do. One day could have made all the difference. That is now meaning she doesn't get invited to certain training things etc.

FrancisCrawford · 21/06/2019 09:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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