To think that people are weird about non-drivers?

[HennyPennyHorror]

I don't want to learn to drive. I'm mid-40s and just don't want to. Never have.

I catch trains and buses and ride a bike. It's never been an issue for me. My DH works for himself and so he's always been the one to take DC to their friend's parties etc.

He likes doing it...if he didn't I suppose I'd need to reconsider.

People look at me like I'm weird because I don't want to drive. You also see it here. A sort of irritation regarding those who can't drive.

The thought scares me frankly and I'm aware that I'd only be adding to pollution. I never ask anyone for a lift. I just get on with it.

YANBU.

There’s a very bizarre mindset towards non-drivers, and I say that as a driver!

A CF-er is a CF-er whether they drive or not!

I don’t find it weird at all - grew up in a big city so loads of people never learned to drive and don’t have cars.

It only gets annoying when non-drivers constantly need lifts, and gets especially infuriating when petrol contributions aren’t offered, but CFs are certainly not the majority of non-drivers!

It's just that in the Venn diagram of people who don't drive, people who are generally helpless at life, and people who constantly expect others to help them out, there is a large central section.

You are probably tarred with the same brush as others.

It's just that in the Venn diagram of people who don't drive, people who are generally helpless at life, and people who constantly expect others to help them out, there is a large central section.

This is an excellent explanation of the issues.

If you’re not in that central section, you will find many people just assume that you are.

Does your husband definately like being the only driver or is he just saying that? I would hate to be the only driver and cobstantly gave to do all the lifts but if it works for your family then it is no one else's business.

Star Maybe....I don't meet many other non-drivers so can't comment other than to say I'm definitely not helpless.

Emma oh no...he's very vocal when something pisses him off. He'd definitely complain if he hated being the only driver.

I don't think it's weird. I wouldn't like it in a partner and would find it a real turn-off as I would find it really inconvenient and see driving as a bit of a life skill. But outside of that, I don't really think about it! If you're happy and your partner is happy, then that's all that matters.

Do love the Venn diagram analogy though!

Sometimes I kind of wish I never learnt to drive then I wouldn't be so reliant on a car and would just deal with walking/bus/bike everywhere and be more environmentally friendly.

I technically can drive, have a valid license and have driven all over the world. I don't drive anymore though because after having dc1, the panic, stress and anxiety I feel at the thought makes me feel suicidal.

In all other aspects of life, I'm perfectly capable of doing things. I don't ask for lifts and even when they are offered I tend to refuse as I hate the thought of not being able to repay the favour.

However everyone I know goes on about it constantly, including those who have never actually passed their test. My not driving doesn't impact them and whilst dh would like it if I could, he's also aware of why I don't. He does find it frustrating because he thinks I'm a better, calmer less road raging driver than him though.

If you live somewhere with trains and buses and where walking and cycling are real options then great.

OTOH I worry a bit about a relative (who isn't generally helpless or a CF at all) who lives way out in the countryside- what happens if the partner is ill or dies.

I have a good non driver friend and she never asks for lifts though I do offer willingly when I can (she's a great friend and want to help in any way I can, she helps me when she can!). She manages with walking, public transport and taxis. Sounds like you're like her and I wouldn't worry what others think!

Personally I can't imagine not being able to drive and would find it restrictive - I also wouldn't want a non driving partner. Obviously if, due to ill health, he had to stop driving I'd deal with it but I wouldn't chose it.

I hated this - I passed my test about 10 years after all my friends, and I was constantly baffled by how much people found my not driving weird, or like it must be a life ruiner.

Then I passed - and now I get it, to an extent. If I need to go to see my mum because she's fallen ill, I can be there in 50 minutes, not the 2.5 hours it would take on public transport. If I've run out of an ingredient while I'm cooking, I can be at the shop and back in 10 minutes. If I have a smear test at the awkwardly located health centre near me, it isn't two buses with a long wait between to get there requiring half a day off work any more. I was able to move to an area I like far more and still keep my much-loved job because I can drive there, whereas the public transport commute isn't feasible. Sure, some of those things I could take a taxi - but it would be madness to commute by taxi, or pop to the shop for something you'd forgotten.

Don't get me wrong, I never minded public transport and I miss the option to sit and read on trains and buses (and liked the time public transport would give me in the mornings to just ease into the day), but I never realised how much quicker and more conveniently I could do things with a car, and now I do look at friends (particularly those with children) who have to plan plenty of time for public transport to doctors/playgroups/the supermarket/friends and family and feel glad I don't have to do that any more.

I don't drive!! It gets on my husband's nerves only because he has to drive up north when we vist. I never ask him for a lift I walk or get the bus! It is a bit of a pain but we couldn't afford to run two cars, he uses it for work so wouldn't have much use for it anyway.

As a pp said the only irritating drivers are the ones who expect lifts all the time and for people to go out of their way for them. I don't particularly like driving but I forced myself to learn for my independence. It annoys me when non drivers ask for lifts, even if they are only a couple of miles out of my way as I have to grit my teeth and force myself to drive somewhere new which makes me nervous and they act like it no big deal and it would be unreasonable of me to refuse as I'm going that direction (despite the fact many people don't learn because they themselves are scared 🤔)

I wouldn’t be weird about a non driver who lives in London and has no plans to change that. It does mystify me though when (usually) older women rely on their husbands to drive them everywhere when they live in the countryside - don’t they worry about how they’d cope if the husband died / left / was not around?

I don't think its weird, I have several friends and family members who don't drive as long as they don't expect me to ferry them about I don't give a hoot!

*non drivers

Some drivers seem to feel the need to force lifts on non-drivers, and then moan about the person accepting the lift!

As a non driver I'm happy to arrange my own transport be that walking/cycling/bus etc and although I occasionally accept a lift, generally I much prefer to be independent, and get annoyed when people insist that I can't possibly get a bus home after dark etc.

As a driver I assume people can make their own way around and don't offer lifts unless it's obvious that it's needed. I don't feel bad if they get a taxi/pay a bus fare as they are saving thousands each year on running a car. I do get irritated by the small number of people who assume that as a car driver I am happy to drive them and their child (with no car seat) and their dogs etc around at a time that suits them. If giving a lift I want to be able to choose the time and am not willing to have someone's smelly dog or illegally restrained child in the car. But only a very small minority of people are like that (and if they had cars they'd probably be the type to park on pavements and drive in cycle lanes.)

Good point about London, actually - most of my friends who live in London don't have a car (and some don't have a licence), which I don't see as quite as limited as I would someone who lives near me (in the suburbs in the north).

I'm a non-driver in my early 30s. I manage perfectly fine on public transport and never ask for lifts. I am absolutely terrified of killing somebody if I start driving! There are just too many variables in the whole process.

It’s not an issue if you are self sufficient but becomes an issue if you are relying on other people to ferry you around.

Part of the reason I left my exH was because he couldn’t drive. Not just couldn’t but wouldn’t learn at all (never even tried a lesson) so I was always the driver and sometimes I just wanted to share the load... It obviously wasn’t the only reason but did really piss me off constantly.

Im the only driver in this family as my husband has epilepsy and although i know he cant help it there are times when i do wish he could drive. We cant share the role on a long journey and i cant ask him to nip out and get something whilst i am cooking if i run out of something!

It’s fine not to drive if you live in London with no plans to leave. My Dad has driven since he was 18 but stopped as soon as he moved to London, it’s just an unnecessary skill in London.

It's just that in the Venn diagram of people who don't drive, people who are generally helpless at life, and people who constantly expect others to help them out, there is a large central section.

Absolutely spot on for 95% of non drivers. I only know a few, and none of them could pour piss out of a boot unless it had instructions on the heel.