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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that people are weird about non-drivers?

432 replies

HennyPennyHorror · 18/06/2019 13:40

I don't want to learn to drive. I'm mid-40s and just don't want to. Never have.

I catch trains and buses and ride a bike. It's never been an issue for me. My DH works for himself and so he's always been the one to take DC to their friend's parties etc.

He likes doing it...if he didn't I suppose I'd need to reconsider.

People look at me like I'm weird because I don't want to drive. You also see it here. A sort of irritation regarding those who can't drive.

The thought scares me frankly and I'm aware that I'd only be adding to pollution. I never ask anyone for a lift. I just get on with it.

OP posts:
Honeycake50 · 18/06/2019 15:52

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns, so we've agreed to take this down.

PerfectPeony2 · 18/06/2019 15:53

People with children who don’t drive, what if there were an emergency?

I’d be so anxious not being able to drive if I had to rush DD to the hospital (ambulances aren’t 100% reliable these days). Or when she’s older she needed a lift home, or just to see friends. It sounds like a very restrictive life.

PestyMachtubernahme · 18/06/2019 15:55

Think this thread has shown that people are indeed very weird about non-drivers.

53rdWay · 18/06/2019 15:56

People with children who don’t drive, what if there were an emergency?

If it’s an ambulance-warranting emergency I’d call an ambulance, and if it’s so urgent that an ambulance might not arrive in time, I’d be hoping the FRU car arrived first anyway because I’m not medically qualified myself. If it’s not as urgent I’d get a taxi.

PestyMachtubernahme · 18/06/2019 15:58

People with children who don’t drive, what if there were an emergency?

Taxi or Uber, if it was such a big emergency and you had to get to hospital quickly, surely some first aid would also need to be performed during the journey.

SystolicSyster · 18/06/2019 15:59

I've actually been assuming my neighbours, for example, must love having some non-driving neighbours, as they don't have to compete with us about the very limited parking space our street has. And our town is very gridlocked during rush hours, so surely doesn't need more extra drivers?

I must admit I never viewed driving as a life skill I wanted, despite my parents trying to get me to learn. Some of it was probably because I assumed I'd spend my life as a childless city-dweller. Most of my peer group skipped out on getting a licence in our teens, although many got it later on, when moving and having children. It's just never seemed like something I'd want to do. I'm definitely not useless in life in general.

Honeycake50 · 18/06/2019 16:00

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns, so we've agreed to take this down.

ForgiveMeFatherForIHaveGinned · 18/06/2019 16:01

I drive but DH doesn't. It's really a non issue in our household, as he cycles to work every day and never expects / asks for lifts. Obviously if there is a long journey to go on this does mean I have to do all of the driving, but if I'm going on a long journey I would rather get the train anyway, and for the occasions a car journey is necessary the deal is that I drive and he provides the snacks and plays car DJ!

I think one of the main reasons it doesn't bother me though is that although I can drive, I don't always choose to and would often rather walk. It never ceases to amaze me when I see family and friends choosing to get in the car for a journey of around a mile (and no there are no mobility issues).

I think as a nation even if we do drive we should all make more environmentally friendly decisions with regards to whether a car journey is really necessary.

ChesterDrawsDoesntExist · 18/06/2019 16:01

I can drive and I do often but I'm also happier for my DH to do all the driving when we're going somewhere. The car and the insurance is in my name and DH is a named driver (we got rid of his car as it was getting to be a waste of money).
I would hate to have to rely on public transport and honestly the very few times I have been on a bus in the last 10 years, it's been.... an experience. Once I was sat on accidentally, once my BF stood in vomit, and other times it's been full of rude, loud, obnoxious people. Put me right off buses off for LIFE! So I can see the reasoning behind people not understanding why someone wouldn't want to be able to drive. I get it but I also know some non-drivers who expect lifts and errand running from drivers me. I politely decline every time. If you don't want to drive then fine, but don't expect me to run you or your kids around.
A neighbour used to sign her kids up only to clubs that my kids were members of and send her kids out to get a lift off me! They would also announce at picking up time "My mum says I've to come with you!".
I started carrying empty boxes in my car because I was not a bloody free taxi. Wouldn't have done it if she paid me either!

IfNot · 18/06/2019 16:02

It's only a core life skill because public transport is so utterly shit outside of London.
I wish the people who can recognise that life is tricky without a car would campaign for better public transport for the many people who can't drive for any reason, be it medical, mental health or financial.
But, ime, the kind of people who are oh so irritated with non drivers are exactly the kind of people who can't see past their own car bonnet.
And the kind of people who tarmac over their front garden to make room for their 2 cars..(hell yes I'm judging )

Goingonagondola · 18/06/2019 16:02

People saying that the ambulance would arrive quickly - have you ever called an ambulance. I have - and it really wasn't quick (we live rurally). I even phoned back the second time to ask them if they were still on their way. It would be much much quicker to drive someone to hospital myself and I'd always do that in the future, if I could safely.

I honestly don't care if people drive or don't drive, but do find it annoying when people don't drive and claim:

  1. They're doing it for the planet.
  2. Their DH 'loves' driving them everywhere
  3. They don't ask for lifts
Lifecraft · 18/06/2019 16:03

The thread is about non-drivers. That includes people who don't drive for various reasons. I'm sure a lot of people who don't drive due to things like anxiety or not having the money to learn don't go around announcing their reasons, so how do you know who has "no reason"?

The OP told us. She doesn't drive, and just doesn't want to. That's what we are discussing. Those people who just don't want to. Not those who like to but can't.

53rdWay · 18/06/2019 16:04

I’ve got taxis to A&E before. I got a taxi to hospital when I was in labour and people were really really shocked about it, even though it meant not having my panicking DH driving and then finding a parking space so seemed a pretty good idea to me.

ChesterDrawsDoesntExist · 18/06/2019 16:05

However I do have a non-driver friend who I would never hear of walking somewhere if I'm driving to it. She never ever asks unless it's an absolute emergency.

PerfectPeony2 · 18/06/2019 16:06

Taxi or Uber, if it was such a big emergency and you had to get to hospital quickly, surely some first aid would also need to be performed during the journey.

How long does it take for an Uber to arrive?

My experience of taxis (we’re talking about 10 years ago). Would be to call up, book in. It would take ages. You’d have to find cash. They’ve got to find your house etc.

I think I’m over anxious and would struggle not to have the flexibility of being able to jump in the car if something happened.

Lifecraft · 18/06/2019 16:06

Lifecraft, that’s because most of the reasons people give for why non-drivers are annoying to know or terribly limited or whatever apply to us too

Yes, but if there's a genuine reason, people are happy to make allowances. If there's no reason other than "can't be bothered", they get irritated.

tothesideoftheirlives · 18/06/2019 16:06

Every time there are these threads I realise how weird car drivers are - or at least those car drivers that are in the crossover in a venn diagram of car drivers and....weird people who can not understand that not everyone has to live their lives the same way as they do, which judging from this thread is almost a perfect circle.

Also the planet is doomed with you car drivers on it!

SystolicSyster · 18/06/2019 16:07

@Goingonagondola - They've always come quick here when we've had a really urgent emergency. Sometimes the FRU first, though. And when we need to go to the hospital but don't require an ambulance, the taxi is usually less than 5 mins away. This obviously depends on where you live, but don't people usually arrange their lives according to their own circumstances?

Why does it annoy you if non-drivers don't ask for lifts?

53rdWay · 18/06/2019 16:07

but if there's a genuine reason, people are happy to make allowances

I am a person with a ‘genuine reason’, and no, they’re not.

randomsabreuse · 18/06/2019 16:09

I live in a rural market town - hourly buses that stop about 7pm - none of this only once an hour after 7 - no buses at all. No buses on Sundays either and recent consultation on removing Saturday buses too! Funnily enough most people drive...

In London I sold my car... not useful and could hire one if necessary...

Now I prefer public transport for long trips alone, although I tend to drive to a station rather than take 4 times as long to get there assuming the bus actually turns up. I also hate driving in towns, especially paying £££ to park, and will always use a park and ride if available! I guess I resent sitting in a queue behind a bus when I could be sat on the bus reading a book!

I think some people have no idea how shit public transport can be in some areas - and some have no idea how seamless it is in some cities.

London is great, Birmingham and surrounding areas not so good, Nottingham seemed to work well when I've visited too. Less convinced by Sheffield.

puppymouse · 18/06/2019 16:09

DH didn't drive when we met. I'm ashamed to say despite him being self sufficient I was so embarrassed by it. I'd been raised in a family where men did the majority of the driving and would do things like "fetching the car round" so the women didn't even have to walk to find it. My DF still does this. My entire extended family mithered him about it all the time as they just didn't understand.

DH did learn but it took him many attempts to pass and it just isn't a natural skill for him. He's not into cars either. Having said that he's very glad he learned as it's what he calls "a useful life skill." We can share school runs, we live rurally so public transport is lacking and he can fit his mountain bike in the back of his car when his mates suggest going further afield.

When we go anywhere as a family I always drive. My car is bigger, newer and I'm a confident driver, including holding my B+E for towing, whereas he tends to get very stressed driving in unfamiliar places. He does loads of stuff I don't at home though so I'm kind of glad I have something to offer.

Asta19 · 18/06/2019 16:11

I didn't have parents who paid for driving lessons, and my circumstances were such in my 20s that I really didn't have money to throw around to not only learn to drive, but to afford insurance etc to keep a car on the road. By the time I could have afforded it I had moved to London so there really is no point now. I'm aware it's different outside of London, but here driving often takes much longer than public transport. There was a restaurant I would go to semi regularly, half an hour by tube (door to door). My ex decided to get us a taxi, took over an hour! Traffic's horrendous in London and what with the congestion charge, parking issues etc. It's just not worth it.

Honeycake50 · 18/06/2019 16:11

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns, so we've agreed to take this down.

museumum · 18/06/2019 16:11

People with children who don’t drive, what if there were an emergency?

I DO drive and I would still probably rather call a taxi so I can sit in the back with dc and so I didn’t have to waste time finding a parking space or worry about massive parking charges if we’re kept in.

The only thing I’d miss without driving is easy access to mountain walks and remote areas.

Roussette · 18/06/2019 16:14

Forgetting those that can't drive for medical reasons... I just don't get why you wouldn't learn. I'm afraid I'm the one who finds it really weird.

A PP has said she doesn't need to because if she needs to get driven somewhere, her Mum will drive her. Does she think her DM will always be around?

A PP has said her DH does all the driving. So what if you split up or something happens that he can't drive?

You live in London. So what happens when for whatever reason, you have to move?

I cannot begin to imagine giving up my freedom, having flexibility, being my own person not relying on others, the independence, being able to pop out without having to check on public transport etc

Having said that, there is no public transport where I live, I love it here, I'd have to move to a town or something. I would be cut off from what I consider to be normal rural life.