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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that people are weird about non-drivers?

432 replies

HennyPennyHorror · 18/06/2019 13:40

I don't want to learn to drive. I'm mid-40s and just don't want to. Never have.

I catch trains and buses and ride a bike. It's never been an issue for me. My DH works for himself and so he's always been the one to take DC to their friend's parties etc.

He likes doing it...if he didn't I suppose I'd need to reconsider.

People look at me like I'm weird because I don't want to drive. You also see it here. A sort of irritation regarding those who can't drive.

The thought scares me frankly and I'm aware that I'd only be adding to pollution. I never ask anyone for a lift. I just get on with it.

OP posts:
museumum · 18/06/2019 16:14

I find people who deliberately move to places with no public transport far far weirder than people who don’t drive.
What if your eyesight goes or you have seizures and can’t drive? Or even if you break an ankle? What about teenagers? Visitors?

Insignificant0ther · 18/06/2019 16:16

I don't drive, am in my early thirties. Have tried to learn a few times but always come unstuck when it comes to more complicated things. I just get on with life - use public transport for work and leisure, walk anywhere under three miles, plan my day accordingly. It keeps me fit and is one less thing to worry about! I'd be sad if my friends saw me as helpless or cheeky for not driving, I never ask for lifts but do accept them if offered. I'm also not useless at life - public transport takes a wealth of organisation skills where I live!! :D

Roussette · 18/06/2019 16:20

Museumm my DCs are adult, all drive. I'm not sure of the % of the population who have seizures and can't drive or their eyesight goes but that's like saying what if you were knocked over by a bus. My DH drives. If I break an ankle he'd step in till it mended.

EskewedBeef · 18/06/2019 16:22

I think some people have no idea how shit public transport can be in some areas - and some have no idea how seamless it is in some cities.

I think this sums up the reason why one group is so puzzled by the other.

I need a car because of where I live, in a village with no public transport at all, not even one bus a week. If I couldn't drive I could only work and entertain myself within the village. I have family living in rural locations at either end of the country and couldn't visit them if I couldn't drive.

I used to live in a city with excellent public transport, and could go to work and generally get about more easily on the tram/bus/train than I could in my car. Having said that, we still drove whenever we were going somewhere as a family (driving is so much cheaper than outside-London public transport for multiple people) or needed to go further afield which we often did.

53rdWay · 18/06/2019 16:22

Do you plan to move when you/DH get older Roussette?

SystolicSyster · 18/06/2019 16:22

What if your eyesight goes or you have seizures and can’t drive?

It doesn't require anything as dramatic as that, even. If my DH hadn't already been told he can't drive for another issue (and wasn't already driving anyway), he would have been banned for random sleep related issues (which were supposed to be but probably aren't sleep apnea). Or you just need to start a medication that makes you dizzy, or something. There's a variety of ways to lose the ability.

HeresMe · 18/06/2019 16:23

You have to ask these people screwing there faces up at non drivers who think we have bottomless pits of money to learn to drive and run a car when people are trying to live.

I don't drive happy to walk or catch bus, in fact a lot of car drivers are incredibly lazy and won't walk anywhere.

Borisdaspide · 18/06/2019 16:30

I've known an awful lot of older people get stuck in villages who are totally reliant on being able to drive and then something relatively minor stops them- my mum used to do the meals on wheels but I'm guessing that's been trimmed right back now.

BeyondMyWits · 18/06/2019 16:30

I don't drive - I can but I don't - I don't like it and I am not good at it, the road is safer without me on it.

Because of this - I chose to live in the suburbs, within walking distance of work, on a bus route to town/doctors/supermarket/dentist/library/pharmacy/cinema/rail station and can get a taxi further afield - which I can afford easily through not owning and maintaining a car.

(I am also glad not to drive because MIL lives in a village and I cannot be at her beck and call as - as she says - "Beyond doesn't drive you know" )

Roussette · 18/06/2019 16:32

53rdway Yes probably. Although more likely than not, you'd think we are old now! But would only move to a small place where we'd not be cut off if it snowed, like now! But I'm talking when I'm 85 or something!

edgen2019 · 18/06/2019 16:33

Now my husband is in poor health and given up driving, I am now in the driver's seat, so very pleased I learned to drive (although that was a long time ago).

scubaprincess · 18/06/2019 16:33

I'm afraid as a driver myself I get really irritated by non-drivers. I think there is the underlying assumption that plans need to be worked around them. I have a very dear friend who late 30s has just learnt to drive and has a car but still refuses to use it now due to lack of confidence. The problem is that all meet ups have to be at her house or she asks for a lift but the biggest impact is on her two young kids. They've never left the city centre, family holidays, farm parks, country parks etc and all she does is take them to a local walkable park. It just makes me sad that in a world where there is so much to see and do (free or not) her kids just know the same few square miles.

Borisdaspide · 18/06/2019 16:35

I don't get why it annoys a previous poster when people say they never ask for lifts- why, if it's true? It is in my case, I cant remember when I was last in a car that wasn't DH's- not this year, anyway. And the only time I ever go in DH's is if he (not me!) Is being lazy.

CatOnASwing · 18/06/2019 16:35

It somehow (irrationally) winds me up when people say they don't drive, like somehow driving is something they consider beneath them and have therefore chosen not to learn to do.

Very few people say they can't drive, which is a lot more accurate.

You'd never hear someone say "I don't write software" or "I don't carry out brain surgery" when referring to a desirable skill they do not possess.

Roussette · 18/06/2019 16:35

I get that scuba. When the DCs were younger we just used to take off in the car on a whim. To a forest, a river, a picnic in the hills, to the sea... wherever. I cannot imagine not driving to be able to do that.

dadshere · 18/06/2019 16:38

Playing Devil's advocate, some non-drivers expect to be driven around because they cannot drive.

m0therofdragons · 18/06/2019 16:39

I cannot understand any adult happy to not drive. It's so limiting. It usually goes with pretty wet people with no ambition to achieve anything.

I know one lady my age (35) who doesn't drive and she wasn't a cf either except where her lovely dh got diagnosed with a brain tumour and required treatment every other day in a hospital over an hour away for 6 months. That's a lot to ask if friends and on top of that her dc missed out because she couldn't drive them. Lovely family but why put yourself in that position? I hate being reliant on others.

Public transport is terrible and expensive here.

Roussette · 18/06/2019 16:42

My DH has been very poorly and in hospital. I would've been beside myself if I hadn't been able to take him to Dr appointments, followed by visiting him in hospital every day.

Not everyone can live in a town and commute to cope with these sort of situations.

PestyMachtubernahme · 18/06/2019 16:44

I cannot understand any adult happy to not drive. It's so limiting. It usually goes with pretty wet people with no ambition to achieve anything.
This is your problem.

I cannot understand any adult happy to not pay off their mortgage by the time they are 40. It's so limiting. It usually goes with pretty wet people with no ambition to achieve anything.
This is my problem Wink

Borisdaspide · 18/06/2019 16:44

scuba that sounds like possibly a personality thing though, if they never go anywhere else. Plenty of drivers that applies to too.

53rdWay · 18/06/2019 16:47

Yeah, if you never go anywhere with your kids then that’s not about having a car or not. Especially if she lives in a city centre.

StreetwiseHercules · 18/06/2019 16:47

I do find it weird. It’s an important life school, like cooking or reading, and should be taught at school.

I was 24 before I passed and until I passed I was quite embarrassed about it.

Choosing not to bother having this skill is very limiting.

BillywigSting · 18/06/2019 16:49

I don't drive because I have only one properly working eye and no 3d vision, so depth perception and no clue how close to me the car in front or behind is.

Even I physically could drive, I also couldn't afford to run a car, even an old banger.

I live in a city with decent transport links and everything within walking distance. If its too far to walk /difficult by public transport I get a taxi.

The only people I know who drive my parents and one friend. We are all perfectly capable professionals.

BossAssBitch · 18/06/2019 16:50

Passed my test at 40 while living in Central London as I had done for all of my adult life, Didn’t ever really miss not having a car. Despite having my license I didn’t drive as easier to get around London on the tube, but when I moved rurally, boy was a I glad I had my license, I wouldn’t have been able to live in the countryside which was always my dream, so really driving has helped to make my dream come true.

It really depends on your circumstances but driving isn’t necessarily the be all and end all.

My DH did tell me that if I hadn’t been able to drive when we met, he wouldn’t have asked me on a date (met on Tinder). Fair enough, to be honest I wouldn’t want to date a guy who couldn’t drive, which is hypocritical seeing as I didn’t get around to taking my first test til I was 40.

blueheaven97 · 18/06/2019 16:51

I have a driving license but haven't driven in about 10 years - partly because I live in London and don't need to, but mainly because I just don't want to. And yes, people do get weird about it. The thing I find people especially difficult about is if you actually like walking and want to walk somewhere. There have been occasions where people have offered me lifts, and I've said I'm happy to walk, and they've started arguing about it with me and virtually refusing to let me walk, as if they think that I couldn't possibly want to walk anywhere. I always found that weird.

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