To think that people are weird about non-drivers?

[HennyPennyHorror]

I don't want to learn to drive. I'm mid-40s and just don't want to. Never have.

I catch trains and buses and ride a bike. It's never been an issue for me. My DH works for himself and so he's always been the one to take DC to their friend's parties etc.

He likes doing it...if he didn't I suppose I'd need to reconsider.

People look at me like I'm weird because I don't want to drive. You also see it here. A sort of irritation regarding those who can't drive.

The thought scares me frankly and I'm aware that I'd only be adding to pollution. I never ask anyone for a lift. I just get on with it.

I am 41 and don't drive. At 17 I couldn't wait to learn to drive. I had a few lessons but didn't really enjoy it. I felt like the car was going to run away with me any second and all I could see was the road ahead disappearing under the car very quickly. I also had a prang because I was going round a sharp bend and didn't turn the wheel back round quick enough and I went in to a hedge. It shook me up and I thought what sort of idiot can't turn a wheel back round quick enough so I gave up after that. I also did my CBT so I could get a 125cc bike or moped and that was a disaster too. I just about scraped through the assessment and I didn't have a clue what I was doing on the roads and thought I'm going to get killed here so gave that up. It's now too expensive to learn to drive and maintain a car. I'm an anxious enough passenger and don't think I could keep calm in a dangerous situation. In other areas of my life I am confident but driving is a no.

If you live in a city with good transport options you do not need to drive.
I have a friend who doesn't drive, she never asks for lifts and 100% is not held back by not driving. She even managed with twins for 20 years and didn't miss it.
I do drive but I hate it and don't do more than local journeys.

It is not an essential life skill unless you live in the sticks and if you've managed this far so why bother unless you want to. We'd all be better off with less drivers on the road.

It's not always a sign of immaturity. It might be a sign of maturity to accept we'd be dangerous drivers. however experienced we became.

This x 100. Some people don't drive because they cba learning, some because air pollution is actually killing people, and some don't drive because they know they are not good drivers.
In fact, many MANY people who do drive..shouldn't.

I think perhaps many drivers have had bad experiences with non-drivers of the CF kind and therefore are perhaps a bit wary which is what you may be picking up on.

I'm a bit wary of non-drivers because I have yet to meet one who doesn't rely on and expect others to get them where they need to go. Day to day they may get themselves about ok but anything out of the ordinary like family weddings, outings, attending work functions/training days or getting to airports there's always a phone call with them looking for a lift which means a round trip to pick then up, drop them off etc. It is a pain in the arse.

That said, as long as you and your other half are happy with the arrangement than what anyone else thinks doesn't matter.

I hate it when posters on threads just say "why don't you pass your test and learn to drive yourself?"

I desperately want to learn to drive, it makes me feel quite down sometimes that I can't but we all don't have a spare £50 a week to pay for lessons.

Different things in life just got in the way or were a priority. Money has always been a
struggle. There are a lot of posters on Mumsnet who seem oblivious to how some people have different lives to them and just throw out "just pass your test and learn to drive" "dump him with the kids and go on a spa day" blah blah.

Not driving actually makes me feel depressed. I feel like it would change mine and dcs life but there's just nothing left after bills.

We are not all lazy, entitled, helpless, cf who can't be bothered.

I'm severely dyspraxic. I failed six tests and had a bus hit me during a lesson... I gave up learning 23 years ago...

Neither my dad or my best friends DH drive. Never been a problem for their wives as far as I could see.

I think as long as you aren't cadging lifts, I don't see the problem.

The problem is that non drivers (and I was one until 10 years ago) end up having to rely on others, or not being able to do what they want. You don't realise always when you are the non driver, but I'm frequently giving lifts to the various non drivers in my life, at work I get lumbered with shopping tasks, we end up having to make all kinds of inconvenient adjustments to fit around the handful of non drivers that sometimes end up costing us quite a lot. Only today I ended up rescuing my boss who tyre (bike) had a flat. Be a non driver but not a smug non driver who then accepts lifts!

It's just that in the Venn diagram of people who don't drive, people who are generally helpless at life, and people who constantly expect others to help them out, there is a large central section

Nope all the people who I know who don't drive are very self sufficient.
The one really piss-taking user who can't do anything by herself I know is actually a really confident driver.

Spot on about the Venn diagram. Of course there are competent, reasonable people who choose not to drive for whatever reason. But there is a high percentage of non-drivers who are just generally incompetent in a myriad of other ways too.

And OP - your DH might be happy doing all the driving but he doesn't really have much choice, does he?

I have never lived where public transport was good enough to be able to get by without driving. So I suppose I find it hard to see how I would cope without being able to drive

Very good point RightOnTheEdge it took me years after passing my test to save up for my own car and insurance! My 1st year insurance alone was over a grand, and I was in my 30s. Driving lessons and tests cost a bomb too.

I really think driving is a life skill. It's perfectly fine if you choose not to own or run a car, but I do think everyone should learn. You don't know if you're going to need it for working, or if you're going to end up living rurally.

All the years I lived in London, I didn't drive either. There was no need. But when I went elsewhere on trips I was able to rent a car and drive if necessary.

Every day on MN I read posts from women who are in difficult or abusive situations that they are helpless to fix because they don't drive. It seems ridiculous to me.

I don’t have a driving licence because I wouldn’t be able to pass test (eyesight problems).
So how does the Venn diagram work for those of us, who are perfectly capable people, don’t ask for lifts, say no to kind car drivers offering us lifts unless the weather is truly dreadful. Walk or take public transport everyday to work and have DH’s who drive? The car running costs come out of the family budget so I pay towards the car so I don’t think it’s unreasonable for my DH to drive us to places at the weekend or on holidays, take the DC’s to their activities and drop me at places, my DH seems to think this is perfectly reasonable as well and that I am not a CF.

I don’t think it is weird but as I live in the country you need to drive or you can’t get around. I feel it limits your life if you can’t, suppose you want to go on holiday and need to hire a car and you Dh was injured etc. Suppose you wanted to move but can’t because you are too far from a train and no buses?

I think it is a useful skill

I know a few non drivers and they manage fine with walking and public transport. One of them did come to rely on me for taking her everywhere and I was essentially replacing a taxi. (Would ring me to come from my house in the evenings with two small DC to take her to ASDA and shitloads more.) I got fed up and started being unavailable/ignoring the phone. She got the message and is back to relying on her own steam to get her places. Unless we’re going somewhere together, in which case I always drive and it’s no problem.

Tbh, of all the people who I know that are non drivers- I think the roads are safer for it. That sounds mean but they’re all nervy and clumsy people who are always bumping into things, breaking things, losing things, and generally not paying attention to what they’re doing. I’m glad they don’t have access to vehicles or machinery.

I'm glad my parents didn't see driving as optional, because I'd have been limited in so many ways without it.

I don't know a single man who can't or won't drive, thinking about it.

Are any of the ' sick of people not driving and relying on other people' the same people who judge non vegans or frequent flyers or anything else that negatively affects the environment , because that is ammunition in my eyes.
'So you think we should have more cars on the road do you ?' is something I would definitely say to anyone judging me for not driving.

I am 41 and don't drive. At 17 I couldn't wait to learn to drive. I had a few lessons but didn't really enjoy it. I felt like the car was going to run away with me any second and all I could see was the road ahead disappearing under the car very quickly. I also had a prang because I was going round a sharp bend and didn't turn the wheel back round quick enough and I went in to a hedge. It shook me up and I thought what sort of idiot can't turn a wheel back round quick enough so I gave up after that.

While I sympathise with this, I intrinsically disagree. Driving is not an easy skill. Like swimming or cooking, it's something that takes time and practice. But it can be learnt. I grew up elsewhere where we were taught by our parents and would only have a few external lessons. So for a year, every time you go anywhere as a family, the learner is driving and practising. This once a week lesson thing seems like a very bad (and slow) way to learn to me.

I remember my first few lessons - in a large, empty car park - I came home covered in sweat it was so stressful. I landed up half way down this weird slope thing because I didn't turn the wheel enough and my dad made me reverse out. If I'd let the fear I felt in those first few lessons impact me, I'd never have driven again.

Iv just had my (toxic) sibling and mother have a right nasty go at me recently for looking at bus times to get home and not asking my sibling for a lift.

Why?

For the simple misassumption that I was having a manipulative dig at my sibling by looking at the bus timetable and did it to make my sibling offer me a lift home in the car because I must obviously would have preferred that to getting a bus home!

No! I always get the bus, I am happy to get the bus and in fact I enjoy the uninterrupted opportunity to read a couple of chapters of my book!

I am sick and tired of (some obviously not all) drivers painting non drivers as cf's or somehow incapable of being a adult in the world.

Some non drivers are arseholes but so are some drivers just like any other groups so why are the rest us tagged with the same reputation as the venn diagram post quite accurately imo describes.

“I only know a few, and none of them could pour piss out of a boot unless it had instructions on the heel.”

It’s all very well boasting how you don’t drive and never need to learn as you’re so amazing and self sufficient and just get public transport OP, but then in the next breath it’s: “My husband does all the driving.”

So, you do actually need to drive sometimes then. It’s just that your DH has to do it for you.

Bravo.

Driving is not an easy skill. Like swimming or cooking, it's something that takes time and practice.

I think you are part right/part wrong. Like swimming and cooking, it's instinctive for some people and it's hard for others. I found it really easy to learn and although I don't currently drive that's 100 percent due to anxiety about the factor I can not control...everyone else on the road not my own ability. Dh also found it very easy to learn, age might be a factor as dc1 is fairly good at steering/control at low speeds already aged 4 (I desperately don't want my kids to have my anxiety around driving) and he had the sort of feckless parents who let him drive on public roads aged 11 (in the wilds of Scotland).

No! I always get the bus, I am happy to get the bus and in fact I enjoy the uninterrupted opportunity to read a couple of chapters of my book!

I do feel your pain on this one. I drive but I love a good bus and often take the bus into town. DD loves it if we have to do a few chores if I agree to go with her on the bus. But bless DH, he always asks me if I want him to fetch us. He can't get his head round the idea that DD and I LIKE the bus.

I can't drive for medical reasons and my husband doesn't drive by choice. We manage perfectly well with public transport and don't sponge lifts (in fact I get a bit annoyed by drivers who feel the need to keep insisting I need a lift when I am perfectly capable of transporting myself).

Driving is really not an essential skill. Useful, yes but not essential. There are a lot of people like me who simply aren't allowed to drive and we make do perfectly well.

People get VERY weird about non-drivers. Assume that because they can’t imagine getting around without a car, you can’t either and so you just sit around at home helplessly all day. Get weirdly pushy about giving lifts and then whine about having to do it.

People do row back the judgement quite fast if they clock on that you can’t drive for medical reasons. But not usually in a way that makes sense. “Oh yes it’s so IRRITATING knowing non-drivers, we can’t go ANYWHERE, I find it so annoying to have to arrange places for meet-ups that don’t involve driving, and it is SUCH a turnoff that I’d never ever get into a relationship with someone who didn’t drive, it is SUCH an essential life-skill I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t.” And then if you say it’s for medical reasons: “oh no that’s different.” Yeah? How?