To think that people are weird about non-drivers?

[HennyPennyHorror]

I don't want to learn to drive. I'm mid-40s and just don't want to. Never have.

I catch trains and buses and ride a bike. It's never been an issue for me. My DH works for himself and so he's always been the one to take DC to their friend's parties etc.

He likes doing it...if he didn't I suppose I'd need to reconsider.

People look at me like I'm weird because I don't want to drive. You also see it here. A sort of irritation regarding those who can't drive.

The thought scares me frankly and I'm aware that I'd only be adding to pollution. I never ask anyone for a lift. I just get on with it.

I have never learnt to drive. I feel strongly that we as a society need to become less reliant on cars as it's so damaging to our planet and our lungs. I never ask for lifts from anyone. The exception being weddings when the reception is far from the ceremony which has happened a handful of times.

My dp has a licence and we hire a car occasionally like rural holiday.

We live in London so public transport is good. It's still an inconvenience not having a car. But we prioritise the planet over inconvenience. Saves us money too.

Like swimming and cooking, it's instinctive for some people and it's hard for others

I'm not disputing it comes more naturally to others - I'm a good driver, but have always struggled with perception on the left. Everything else was fine, but that was, and still is, something I have to work on.

But aside from genuine medical (physical or mental) reasons (severe anxiety, eye sight, dyspraxia etc) I still think it's nonetheless something you have to learn. Hell, even just walking - look at babies. My nephews both walked early and easily. But both DS and DD took a lot longer and DD in particular was wobbly for a long time. But she learnt. She had to learn. DD currently resisting learning to swim. But she's going to have to learn because it's not safe for her not to learn as it's an important life skill, particularly where we come from which is near the beach and where lots o people have swimming pools.

It's just that in the Venn diagram of people who don't drive, people who are generally helpless at life, and people who constantly expect others to help them out, there is a large central section.

This bears repeating! Plus what Lifecraft said.

My aunt does drive but is still a CF (or is there a special section of the diagram for a feeble CF?) who expects everyone to drive her because she can't drive for more than 20 mins without "falling asleep".

@Lifecraft

Absolutely spot on for 95% of non drivers. I only know a few, and none of them could pour piss out of a boot unless it had instructions on the heel.

That's funny! Made me LOL!!!

I have very little tolerance for people who won't even ATTEMPT to learn to drive. I don't know how anyone can go through life without the skill of driving in this day and age. Unless you live within 2 miles of your work place, and all your family and friends live within 2 miles of you, and also all the shops you even need to visit (along with every cinema, theatre, doctor, dentist, optician, hospital etc etc,) then I don't see how you can go long-term with no car.

It can often take one and a half hours on public transport, to do a car journey that takes only 10-15 minutes. I can be at work in 12-15 minutes, and don't need to leave the house til 8.40am if I am starting at 9. If I were to get public transport, I would have to leave the house at 7am!

I know a woman (aged 25,) whose husband (aged 28) cannot drive, and has never bothered to learn because he isn't 'into' driving, and cannot be fucked to learn. Nope! But he will let everyone else drive him about!

This woman drives him around EVERYWHERE. Even to work and back. (A 20 mile round-trip) He works shifts, and she frequently gets up at 5.30am to take him to work, (on early shift,) and goes out at ten at night to get him (when he is on lates.)

On top of all this, she goes to work herself at 8am and leaves at 5.00pm. Then she has to sit around waiting all evening to pick HIM up! Sorry but fuck that for a game of soldiers. I don't know how anyone copes with a partner who will not drive, and they have to drive EVERYwhere, while their partner sits there relaxing and chilling, and able to drink too while YOU are the designated driver!

Thing is, non-drivers often come onto these threads claiming they NEVER ask for lifts off people and NEVER need to go anywhere by car. But in real life, I don't know a single non-driver who doesn't take lifts/depend on lifts/ask for lifts.

Every single one I have ever known has always happily taken lifts from drivers, most of them quite frequently, and they never ever offer petrol money, and are completely clueless as to how much it costs to fund, run, and maintain a car!

They never appreciate how stressful driving is either. Some of them are very self-centred.

If I was on the hunt for a new man, it would be a deal-breaker if he had never bothered to learn to drive. A man not learning to drive speaks volumes about him, and I would wonder about what other basic life skills he didn't have, and couldn't be arsed to learn.

Note, I am talking about people who cannot be bothered to learn!

Not people who have tried desperately and failed. Or people who cannot drive for medical reasons.

In fact, both of these types are less likely to ask for, or expect lifts, than the ones who just refuse to learn.

'Oh I won't drive because pollution, planet, and the environment blah blah blah..... I will take lifts of everyone else though!'

Feck OFF!

because I must obviously would have preferred that (a lift) to getting a bus home!

I didn't learn to drive till I was in my early thirties. I well remember people - kind people - not manipulative) assuming that getting the bus was a dreadful thing to have to do, and insisting on giving me a lift when I didn't need it.

I also remember people who couldn't go anywhere if their car was in the garage, they were so unused to public transport it just didn't enter their heads to take a bus.

I'm glad I'm used to driving but also buses and trains.

@Elderflower14 gosh, poor you! That would put anyone off.

DM never learned to drive. It wasn't a problem until DF died. Public transport is useless where she lived and she had to move closer to us.

I don't know how anyone can go through life without the skill of driving in this day and age

Ask some non-drivers, we manage fine.

(no I don’t ask for lifts everywhere. Yes really. This may blow your mind, but it is actually possible to get from A to B without doing it in a car.)

If it works for your family I don’t see the issue.

I remember seeing someone the other day getting a taxi to the supermarket and getting the driver to wait outside while they did their shopping- just seemed like a massive faf. I couldn’t live like that.

@Yourostar can you post a pic of the Venn diagram regarding non-drivers.... I don't think I have ever seen it.

It's just that in the Venn diagram of people who don't drive, people who are generally helpless at life, and people who constantly expect others to help them out, there is a large central section.

Completely. I know a guy who doesn't drive and we certainly don't live in London. He uses it as an excuse to not go to work, blame others and generally not take any responsibility for himself.

I don't think DP relishes being the only driver but I do my best taking children around by bus, train and taxi where necessary but he still does most of it.

I do occassonally get people telling me life would be easier if I learnt to drive as if I don't know that

I hate asking for lifts and do it as little as possible but just sometimes, I've had to ask people to take DC's to parties if DP can't. There's one venue people use which is just off the motorway so not exactly simple without a car (3 hour bus trip each way :( or 30 minute car journey)

I don't drive for medical reasons. I think if I had the choice, Id like to be able to.

I live rurally and its really weird not to drive as buses into town are very scarce, one in the morning @ 7:30, 1pm and thats it.
You need a car being rural but towns etci guess there is a regular bus.

I’d rather fewer people drove anyway, given some of the shit drivers where I live. If we had better public transport across the area it would help - as it is we get people who’ve always been drivers, who then get old and lose the ability to drive safely and find they now have a choice between moving or driving unsafely. Not good for anyone.

Personally I find drivers weird. I used to live down the road from a guy who insisted on driving to the same place as I worked. He was always late and angry because of traffic. I left later and always turned up on time in a jolly mood because I took a lovely bus from the end of the road.

I seem to know so many drivers who are just incapable of accepting that not only can you live without a car but sometimes it can be nicer not to use one.

I remember seeing someone the other day getting a taxi to the supermarket and getting the driver to wait outside while they did their shopping- just seemed like a massive faf. I couldn’t live like that.

I know a woman who stopped driving due to anxiety. And actually, she often gets taxies for her shopping etc and I think that's very sensible. She walks or busses to the supermarket then uber backs. she never asks or expects for lifts and says that the money she's saving by not driving a car is money she now spends on Uber so she's very independent as she's got a nice mix of walking, public transport and taxis. But other non-driver are less willing to take cabs.

We have 2 cars. If public transport was better and cheaper we would get rid of one.

We live in a suburb of Manchester but not near the Metrolink and the buses are rubbish and go down to one an hour after 7pm.

I just knew when this thread started, that although it's clearly about people who have no reason not to drive other than "I don't want to", people would come on and say "I don't drive because I had both my eyes gouged out by an escaped tiger" or "I don't drive because I'd like to but I'm a recently arrived refugee from Mogadishu and armed warlords stole all my savings and murdered my family before I left".

It's like starting a thread saying "I don't understand people who don't like apples" and someone replying saying "I don't like oranges so why are you picking on me?"

I grew up in a capital city (not in UK) where I didn't need to drive. I learned to drive in my mid-twenties, and then a couple of years later moved to the UK and didn't buy a car here. Public transport does exist even outside of London I cycled to work or got the bus in bad weather.

Before having kids, I regretted having spent so much money on learning to drive since it seemed like such a waste.

With small DC, it can be easier to drive and it's often cheaper than long-distance train tickets if you're travelling as a family. DH has a car and we do now drive to the supermarket and for long journeys with kids. We walk to work/school though and get the bus into town as it's cheaper than city-centre parking. We could manage without the car. I see it as a luxury.

I've never really encountered much weirdness about not driving. Neither DH nor I has a licence, and we've obviously never owned a car. It's actually hardly ever that anyone's ever asked me about it, or about our reasons for it.

DH can't drive for medical reasons. I probably could (although would have to check, as I do have many health issues and medications), and when we were young and healthier, we always lived in a city, and didn't have the extra money anyway.

The only lifts I ever ask or get are if I visit my parents in a very rural place. Luckily they don't mind. They are moving to a more accessible place now that they're getting on, so that will cease to be an issue. My closest friends all do not drive (I don't even know their reasons for it), and I've definitely never asked for rides from others.

We're not in a city these days, but our town has good rail and bus services to various places, and if we need a nighttime trip to the hospital or something else unexpected, we take a taxi. None of this seems to bother anyone, thankfully.

I find it really weird I have to admit. To me it's a core life skill and I just simply can't imagine not being able to hop in a car and go wherever I want immediately. I have mostly live rurally so I suppose that shapes my view point, although I've lived in zone 6 London and still relied on a car to a degree.

I just knew when this thread started, that although it's clearly about people who have no reason not to drive other than "I don't want to", people would come on and say "I don't drive because I had both my eyes gouged out by an escaped tiger" or "I don't drive because I'd like to but I'm a recently arrived refugee from Mogadishu and armed warlords stole all my savings and murdered my family before I left".

The thread is about non-drivers. That includes people who don't drive for various reasons. I'm sure a lot of people who don't drive due to things like anxiety or not having the money to learn don't go around announcing their reasons, so how do you know who has "no reason"?

Lifecraft, that’s because most of the reasons people give for why non-drivers are annoying to know or terribly limited or whatever apply to us too.

Like the pp upthread who complained about how annoying it is to have friends who don’t drive because it really limits playdates. Are playdates less limited if the reason for not driving is medical? No, clearly they’re not.

Or the people who say “I just can’t imagine how non-drivers can even get anywhere!” Do those of us with medical issues have some special method of transport the others don’t? No, we don’t.

“This doesn’t apply to people with medical reasons!” = “I am not as comfortable being bitchy about people with medical reasons, so I’ll just pretend my ranting about Essential Life Skills doesn’t apply to you.”