Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that people are weird about non-drivers?

432 replies

HennyPennyHorror · 18/06/2019 13:40

I don't want to learn to drive. I'm mid-40s and just don't want to. Never have.

I catch trains and buses and ride a bike. It's never been an issue for me. My DH works for himself and so he's always been the one to take DC to their friend's parties etc.

He likes doing it...if he didn't I suppose I'd need to reconsider.

People look at me like I'm weird because I don't want to drive. You also see it here. A sort of irritation regarding those who can't drive.

The thought scares me frankly and I'm aware that I'd only be adding to pollution. I never ask anyone for a lift. I just get on with it.

OP posts:
Tara336 · 18/06/2019 14:16

I have a friend who is a non driver, just expects everyone to pick her up and drop her off all time. I don’t think she has any concept of how tiring driving can be when your doing pick up, drop off and all the driving in between. Never ever offers petrol money either. It really pisses me off. Doesn’t even buy me a cup of tea or anything when we are out.

SupermassiveBlackHo · 18/06/2019 14:16

I think it's pretty weird, but then I'm rural and public transport is practically non-existent and you can't walk anywhere.

Perhaps if I lived in a city, it would be less necessary.

SwimmerGirl40 · 18/06/2019 14:18

I grew up in the sticks. My village had no train station, just a bus calling in 4 times a day. Learning to drive was freedom!

I moved to a city for Uni and met quite a lot of non drivers for the first time. They had grown up in cities with decent public transport so hadn’t needed to learn.

It depends on your circumstances really and if your circumstances mean that you can manage without driving then it’s not an issue.

BlingLoving · 18/06/2019 14:21

It's just that in the Venn diagram of people who don't drive, people who are generally helpless at life, and people who constantly expect others to help them out, there is a large central section.

I feel like I need to have this printed and framed somewhere. It's completely true. And of course, unfair to all the non-drivers who aren't in the middle, but the mix is pretty common IME.

DH still marvels at how when my mum visited us from another country, she was always perfectly happy to drive around and get on with things. It just doesn't happen with the women in his family, even those who do drive at home. and yes, they're also often the helpless in other ways types

ComeAndDance · 18/06/2019 14:23

You can only do it wo any issue because your DH drives though.
Have a look at the impact it would have if he wasn’t there. Shopping, gong away at weekends, children activities, friend parties etc....

The reason why people find it strange is often because public transport is so crap where they live that it’s a non starter too. It would take my DH 1h30 and 3 buses to go to work by public transport. It takes him 15 mins by car.
It takes me 20 mins to go to work but there are no buses for me to come back home at the end of the day (i finish at about 7.00~7.30pm).
Depending where you live, you will have no choice it would look really strange not to drive....

growlingbear · 18/06/2019 14:25

I get so pissed off by the assumption drivers have that those of us who choose not to drive are helpless little spongers 9and agree there are people who insist on giving lifts and then getting annoyed at how you are putting them out)
Some of us have abnormally poor hand to eye co-ordination and very poor speed-distance judgement. It would be a hell of a lot more inconvenient to you if we were crashing cars and dithering on slip roads and roundabouts with our invisible disability. It's not always a sign of immaturity. It might be a sign of maturity to accept we'd be dangerous drivers. however experienced we became.

LadyFidgetAndHerHandbag · 18/06/2019 14:27

People seem to be constantly astounded that my husband doesn't drive but he grew up in London so just took public transport everywhere. I was in rural Australia where driving was necessary, my dad taught me to drive an old 4x4 when I was 14 so I could help more on the farm. Occasionally my husband makes noises about learning but these haven't ever come to anything. If he learns that's great but really I'm happy to carry on as we are, we live in a small town that has good connections to the big city where we both work so rarely drive to work and if he goes out in the evening he just has to keep an eye on the time.
I think the problem people have on here is not with the non-drivers but with the non-drivers who think their friends, family or colleagues are happy to do all the running around for them without thanks or recompense.

hammeringinmyhead · 18/06/2019 14:34

It's just that in the Venn diagram of people who don't drive, people who are generally helpless at life, and people who constantly expect others to help them out, there is a large central section.

Yes. It's so predictable. Some wet-lettuce poster on here posts about an easily resolvable issue, and three updates in you get "I don't drive". Of course you don't.

bringincrazyback · 18/06/2019 14:42

Although you don't ask for lifts OP, unfortunately I've known non-drivers who act as though it's other people's duty to be constantly ferrying them around. As a driver I've had this rather a lot over the years.

Auldspinster · 18/06/2019 14:42

I have never learned to drive as I live in Edinburgh which has great public transport and is pretty compact and walkable.

It's something I wish I'd done when I was younger but it doesn't hinder me and I almost never take lifts.

Lavellan · 18/06/2019 14:45

I have one non-driving friend who just doesn't want to run a car. They are very independent and would genuinely rather have alone time on a train or bus than mooch off someone else or wait around for someone else's schedule. They're fine.

Then there's the rest of them...

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 18/06/2019 14:45

IMO people are only in general 'weird' when non drivers routinely feel entitled to lifts for themselves or their kids. Or both.

Which evidently doesn't apply to you, OP.

I do think it's a very useful skill but I wouldn't judge anyone for not learning, as long as they didn't want to use me as their chauffeur. I'm happy to give non driving friends a lift now and then, but it's always a case of me offering, not them asking or expecting.

missperegrinespeculiar · 18/06/2019 14:48

almost none of my friends drive, they are all highly efficient and qualified professionals, it depends where you live!

we should all be moving away form privately owned cars and towards a capillary, sustainable system of public transport anyway

CripsSandwiches · 18/06/2019 14:49

YANBU. I still avoid driving when possible.

TheGoogleMum · 18/06/2019 14:49

I didn't learn to drive until I was 26. Didn't really need to before then. I have friends who don't drive and they are not helpless. I think people are a bit unfair tbh

NeckPainChairSearch · 18/06/2019 14:51

Most people are amazed to learn that I don't drive, possibly because I don't fit with the Venn diagram thing mentioned above! Some I've known for years, but it's literally never cropped up as a topic of conversation!

I've spent 20 years working in a senior professional capacity, then became successfully self-employed. I can't remember ever asking for a lift anywhere - I get taxis, trains or walk. It wouldn't occur to me to rope someone else into my travel arrangements.

My DH drives, and is happy to - we're reasonable people who split all domestic tasks and jobs and don't take the piss. Works for us.

Lllot5 · 18/06/2019 14:52

I had no idea people thought that non drivers are helpless at life and are always expecting others to help them out.
I don’t drive because I can’t afford to run a car.

fedup21 · 18/06/2019 14:52

It's just that in the Venn diagram of people who don't drive, people who are generally helpless at life, and people who constantly expect others to help them out, there is a large central section

Yep-this.

What would you do if your DH didn’t drive as well?

BlingLoving · 18/06/2019 14:53

Where it tends to annoy me is that it restricts what you can do with non drivers. Obviously not a problem in a big city, but where we live, if I am meeting a non-driving friend, with or without DC, the options of where to go are limited by where she can walk or bus to. And frankly, it gets tedious. Call me selfish, but I like taking the kids out on a day somewhere during the holidays that isn't the same two parks within walking distance. to be fair to friend involved, she doesn't expect me to solve the problem. But I would love to have a day out with her and her DC as they are the same age as my DC and we're all friends. But even if I wanted to drive, I can't fit 2 adults and 4 children in the car.

thecatsthecats · 18/06/2019 14:53

I drive, my husband hasn't got around to getting past the first couple of lessons.

I really enjoy drives, but being the only driver? Nah, I grew up seeing my dad be that, and although it's not a deal breaker, it will be pretty fucking annoying if he doesn't shape up before we have kids (I want him to learn before we start TTC in a few years).

It's just that in the Venn diagram of people who don't drive, people who are generally helpless at life, and people who constantly expect others to help them out, there is a large central section.

HUGE yes to this. Although my mum doesn't drive, she is pretty indomitable when it comes to doing stuff on her own terms - we lived six miles from the nearest village, and she would never have dreamed of asking a neighbour for a lift - it was wellies on, rain or shine, out in all weathers, rather than relying on others.

ComeAndDance · 18/06/2019 14:54

I still avoid driving when possible.
I actually do too and will take the train whenever possible instead of a car.
I still know how to drive, have and use a car...
It’s not incompatible.

growlingbear · 18/06/2019 14:56

If my DH didn't drive, we'd still be living in the city, which is where I'd rather live any way. We live in the country through his choice, but looked carefully to find a village with train and bus routes, good shops and local schools, so my not driving wouldn't be a pain in the arse for him. The only times he's frequently called on to rescue non drivers is picking up DC from school when the trains are on strike again. And I would prefer to share that burden with him, as they are on strike all the bloody time, but while he collects DC I cook dinner so it's waiting for them when they get home, so we 're both contributing.

fairweathercyclist · 18/06/2019 14:56

growlingbear the thread is about people who choose not to drive, not those who can't for medical reasons.

hellymart · 18/06/2019 14:57

It's not really anything to do with anyone else, if you don't want to drive. As long as you're not imposing on others, expecting them to drive you all over the place and/or never offering petrol or a gift if someone does drive you around, then I don't see the problem. There are always taxis!

youngestisapsycho · 18/06/2019 14:59

You are me OP! Except my DH gets pissed off about me not driving... I've always lived in London and just haven't needed to. Would have been good when kids were smaller but they are older now. My DD is 17 this month and DH is booking her driving lessons so she can take over driving duties! He always says he has to drive e everywhere, but he doesnt. I have a bike and im happy walk and bus to places. It would be nice to drive, but I really can't be arsed to learn now.... and my mum will drive me anywhere I wish! Grin

Swipe left for the next trending thread