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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mad at step children on father’s day

358 replies

Herewegoagain123 · 16/06/2019 08:54

My darling step children really are something else. My husband is a great dad, does so much for them (as he should).

It’s their weekend with their mother but nevertheless they don’t live far away and we did see them the end of last week.

Eldest one is working and I gave him a little reminder - nothing, not even a text for his dad.

Youngest asked me to get her a gift and card (Following my reminder), I gave them to her and they are still sitting unwritten in her bedroom!

They are both prolific users of social media and not a single text or call.

I’m sad for DH. They’re old enough to know better.

OP posts:
Iris1654 · 16/06/2019 09:46

It’s no ones responsibility to remind the children.
They decide if they care.

Less meddling from you would be helpful.
Suggesting their real mother should intervene is ridiculous.

You sound like hard work.

DoctorDread · 16/06/2019 09:46

You're sounding a bit unhinged OP Confused

MarthasGinYard · 16/06/2019 09:47

Just read your other threads

And yes as I thought you have woken up spoiling for this.

Awful

You also have no need to go to your DH daughters 'moving up day' whilst we are at it.

lifebegins50 · 16/06/2019 09:47

Most people are saying you are being unreasonable yet you are arguing back.

Mothers often don't get cards on Mothers Day, it happens. This seems to be about you and a need for his children to validatevyour husband. Think about why this is such a focus to you?

What others are picking up is that it seems to be a stick to berate the children with. Cards and gifts don't mean anything if forced.. the DC will prioritise what is important to them, but you might be expecting too much from teens. My lovely teen barely knows my birthday but I know he really appreciates and loves me.

If you feel they genuinely don't care then that is something for your husband to work on.

Original poster
Herewegoagain123 · 16/06/2019 09:47

What’s a moving up day?

OP posts:
dalmatianmad · 16/06/2019 09:48

Its very early! Are you usually this controlling over situations?

DitheringBlidiot · 16/06/2019 09:48

So there is a gift, and later once your husbands dd has got up and had a cup of tea she will ring him/text him and say “happy Father’s Day! If you go to cuz place in my bedroom you’ll get your present” its not even 10am

Original poster
Herewegoagain123 · 16/06/2019 09:48

DSD is 15. I think I read the post about open evening, it wasn’t from me. I disengaged from them a long time ago and have zero interest in parents evenings.

OP posts:
screwthepyramids · 16/06/2019 09:49

Get over yourself. It's still early and its not your place at all to keep on at them.

TanMateix · 16/06/2019 09:50

Honestly... I would only get annoyed if they show empty handed next time they are around.

What a nasty comment about them waiting until you are out of the way... I wish people give stepmums more credit, they may not be your children but they still have needs and wants that need to be attended to, not to say they are the ones that are taking good care of dad, whose constant needs the children would prefer to ignore when he is old and frail...

MarthasGinYard · 16/06/2019 09:50

'I gave the gifts and card to her to write and wrap. We have her EOW and this weekend is not our weekend. She won't see her father until next week now. Guess what, the presents and card have disappeared, no message from her to say she'll give them to dad next week. She is definitely not planning on seeing him before the next visit. '

And this bit is strange

On this thread you say they are in her room?

DoctorDread · 16/06/2019 09:52

OP you wrote about this on Monday. She asked you to get a present/card. From what you wrote it looks as though she intended for you to write it/give it?

You don't like her. We get it. She doesn't like you either. It happens. But if that's the case, disengage. You won't win this and you already know your DH is stuck in the middle of this uncomfortable dynamic.

Original poster
Herewegoagain123 · 16/06/2019 09:52

I found them in her room when emptying her bin and changing her bed!

OP posts:
JingsMahBucket · 16/06/2019 09:52

@Herewegoagain123 YANBU. The kids could have at least sent a text this morning seeing as they’re awake already. They could have sent a text last night as well acknowledging the fact they won’t see their dad until later. You’ll be attacked for being a nosy stepmother though. 🙄🙄🙄

MichelleC69 · 16/06/2019 09:53

I think most people on here are being a bit mean to this poor lady. She's upset for her husband. I sympathise. Kids need to grow up to be thoughtful and appreciative.

DoctorDread · 16/06/2019 09:54

@TanMateix I read that comment as in 'wait til the OP goes out one time' rather than 'wait til the OP is off the scene entirely'

Original poster
Herewegoagain123 · 16/06/2019 09:54

Thanks everyone.
I’m not flouncing just need to get on with enjoying Sunday.

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 16/06/2019 09:55

'Being a step mum is the worst job ever! You get all the shit of parenting with none of the nice stuff. Disengage disengage disengage.'

Your very own words Op

So practice what you preach and don't let it ruin your day.

ACurlyPube · 16/06/2019 09:55

We never bother with what we consider hallmark days (valentines/mothers/fathers day). Is your DH really bothered, or is he more bothered because you've made it a big thing?

Ghanagirl · 16/06/2019 09:56

Herewegoagain123
Let us know what time they bring DH his gifts...

MarthasGinYard · 16/06/2019 09:56

@TanMateix I read that comment as in 'wait til the OP goes out one time' rather than 'wait til the OP is off the scene entirely''

Of course

That's certainly how most people would read it I'm sure.

Quartz2208 · 16/06/2019 09:56

Hold on in the other thread the present had disappeared now its sitting unwritten in her bedroom

In the other your DH isnt bothered about FD now he is

The thing is they are teenagers he is the adult - the fact his eldest cant be bothered says more about him than it does his son

TanMateix · 16/06/2019 09:58

@Doctorthread, I read it like that too.

Cornettoninja · 16/06/2019 09:59

How on earth did you come to that conclusion about @DM1209 ‘s post? You’ve got some seriously frazzled wiring if that’s how you’re interpreting a benign (actually fairly nice) statement.

You’re clearly just spoiling for a fight. I can’t figure out if it’s because you’ve talked yourself into a state of resentment or if you’re trolling but honestly this much hostility and irritation isn’t healthy and you need to figure out a way to live in whatever situation you’re in without the constant undertone of seething anger. You’re going to wind up having a stroke.

DoctorDread · 16/06/2019 10:01

Yeah. I'm not surprised the DD hasn't bothered. It sounds like a fucked up power struggle all round really and the OP clearly dislikes her SD yet insists on micromanaging her, based on info from other threads.

There are two sides to every story. I'm guessing the 'entitled and manipulative' (OP's view of SD) SD in this scenario has a whole different take on things. It seems like a shit show all round.