To be mad at step children on father’s day

[Herewegoagain123]

My darling step children really are something else. My husband is a great dad, does so much for them (as he should).

It’s their weekend with their mother but nevertheless they don’t live far away and we did see them the end of last week.

Eldest one is working and I gave him a little reminder - nothing, not even a text for his dad.

Youngest asked me to get her a gift and card (Following my reminder), I gave them to her and they are still sitting unwritten in her bedroom!

They are both prolific users of social media and not a single text or call.

I’m sad for DH. They’re old enough to know better.

I'm astonished at how many people believe that children cannot be vindictive and manipulative and really nasty to step parents. There are many who behave in a terrible manner and show no respect. They will never accept a step parent and make it a point to disrespect them.

I've seen some step parents go above and beyond to only be disrespected and shown they're not wanted, unless of course that step parent has something they want or can use!

Yes there are some terrible step parents, but there are also terrible children too who purposely play the adults against one another.

OP, I think you have had a tough time on here, I don't think you've expressed yourself too well but I get the impression the teen daughter has caused a lot of grief.

I'm astonished at how many people believe that children cannot be vindictive and manipulative and really nasty to step parents. There are many who behave in a terrible manner and show no respect. They will never accept a step parent and make it a point to disrespect them

Yet the OP is going mental over a card, not any of what you’ve said is remotely what has happened.

It’s sat in her room, all she had to do is sign the card. Yes teens can be self absorbed etc I’ve had two of them but not so bad that they wouldn’t just sign a card I bought

Saying that ds2s sm has been waxing lyrical on fb all day about what a wonderful father /step dad exh is

He isn’t at all , he puts very little effort/thought into ds2 and hates his sc and they hate him. You wouldn’t know that from the way she goes on though

Our dds didn't emerge with the gifts until we sat down for dinner. You started posting at 8.54! Strange almost like you were looking for them to fail!

Maybe the mothers should be teaching their kids not to be so bloody selfish and have some manners.

Or maybe the non resident dad could step in and say something instead of expecting the mum to do all the hard work?

Meh I'm with you OP. My dsc managed a text message at 9pm and in the same text asked for more money . Dh is treated like a walking cashpoint and they can't manage a card or phone call despite being reminded and having cash to buy something transferred to them by me before.

@ohbutyoulovescarves is there a reason your dh won't say 'no' if he feels he's being used and disrespected?

@DoctorDread he doesn't always and did not respond to the request this time.

Maybe the mothers should be teaching their kids not to be so bloody selfish and have some manners.

I always wonder how many nr dads send reminders of mothers day or buy presents for their children to give their mums.
I'm sure there are some, but I doubt many do.

I think it's very apparent that you don't think much of your dsc op. That may be 'deserved' or it may not - but you've not covered yourself in glory with your attitude.

But I fundamentally agree that unless your dh is a shit or abusive dad, it's not on for children to 'forget' something like Father's Day - even if they are teenagers (yes teenagers can be seld centred, but if we ignore and excuse stuff like this they'll continue to be self centred). I was upset when I thought my step daughter had forgotten dh yesterday (she's 19). It came to 4pm and I was just about to send her a message asking her if she'd like to come out to dinner with us when she messaged dh herself, apologised, wished him happy Father's Day and said she needed to be with her mum instead as it was the first fathers day without her granddad. Said she'd visit during the week instead. That was enough to make she's day - he totally understood the circumstances and wasn't at all bothered about the lack of a card - he just wanted his daughter to make the effort to get in contact.

My ex is an arse in some ways but he always gave my kids money to give me a card etc and I did for him too. Same goes for Xmas and birthdays. A lot of parents seem to use their kids as a weapon and don’t do anything to try and help them to cope with their new circumstances when a marriage ends. Being a teenager is not an excuse in my book; parents should be teaching their own kids some respect for the adults who, in a lot of cases, work hard to put a roof over kids/stepkids heads.

Maybe the mothers should be teaching their kids not to be so bloody selfish and have some manners.

Couldn't the fathers be doing this too?

she knows she is welcome at ours

From everything you've said, I'd be pretty certain that she knows she isn't. Teenagers aren't stupid; she'll know how you feel about her.

Reported sm. Just no need and you can’t possibly know that.

woman even.

Obviously holes why would it be one or the other?

When you say 'neglect', you infer they have a responsibility to look after him.

This clearly isn't about Father's Day. The way you describe these children makes them sound ungrateful and entitled.

You make your DH sound like a super dad, but what does he do that any decent father wouldn't do?

I remember attending a wedding and in his speech the groom thanked his dad for paying the mortgage and the bills. It was said in such a manner, that thats the only thing he did for him. He spoke of his mum's emotional support, her attendance at sportsdays, being dropped to scouts, birthday parties, swimming lessons, ....the list went on. It was evident, which parent he felt was there for him.

They really may not share your perception of him as a good dad.

I'm not saying they shouldn't show appreciation for him unless he goes above and beyond either.

I wonder if they show their mum appreciation or if she is neglected too.

If their behaviour is so awful, then their parents need to sit down and talk about it.

Children are very much a product of their environment, so maybe their parents failed to address the issues when they were younger.

It's really difficult to tell if they're typical teenagers or you just don't like them because of the strong words you use.

I can take the bashing I have on here, but what is really annoying and I won’t respond to is posters thinking they know the situation better and inferring I meant something else than the words I used! I didn’t say he was super dad, I actually put in brackets that he should be doing the things he does. I also said they are welcome at ours and they are.

Nor can I see where I've said they've "neglected" him! If you're going to flame me, at least make it factually correct.

Op if pp are misinterpreting you then perhaps you could provide a more correct interpretation. You've been very vocal of your dislike and said there have been many occasions but there is no background info so this could be a) because they're evil buggers out to get you b) because they resent you for some unresolved reason that May or may not be warranted or c) you are somehow responsible for adding to the problem - or anywhere in between any or all of those scenarios. You're probably not the evil stepmother (although the way you come across doesn't sound great) and the SDc are probably not heartless teens who plague your every waking moment. There's probably a middle ground somewhere and I'm guessing that this seething resentment has never been addressed from either side?

For example if you were the OW in the scenario and this is fuelling their resentment of you that's entirely different to you trying your hardest and then just being outright nasty. Context is everything here and you've given none save to tell us that you don't like them and you seem to wish they weren't the thorn in your side you so clearly see them as.

Sorry 'many occasions that have caused you problems' was how that should've read

I can't believe the harsh opinions on here. I have exactly the same situation at home where my stepkids forgot father's day. I'm furious on his behalf but I'm butting out and haven't said a word. He's given them a bollocking. I'm totally with you OP and I think people are being very unfair. Step-parenting is a thankless task sometimes and it can be frustrating if the kids don't behave the way in which you expect them to, but you have little or no power to say anything to change things.

The reason I haven't given lots of detail is simply because it only adds fuel to the fire with posters belittling the issues I have with them as they wouldn't consider them to be a problem.

For context I was not the OW. I didn't meet DH until he'd been separated from his ex wife for almost two years. The children were settled into their routine of EOW plus Wednesdays at their dads and nothing has changed in the many years since then.

Their mum didn't like the idea of DH moving on before she had (she has since also remarried and we all have a much more sensible relationship. We believe she made DSD feel guilty for enjoying time with us which resulted in DSD withdrawing and becoming more and more difficult (for the first six months she was very happy to spend time with me). As DSD grew up into a pre-teen and then a teenager, the problems escalated. Whilst there are no problems that on their own are horrendous, the cumulative effect of being ignored when spoken to, having doors closed in your face, whispering behind your back, etc are hard to live with in your own home, when all I've ever tried to do was my best. I am not a mother, I tried to have my own children and failed, so I don't have direct experience, but I did what I thought was best. I made sure there was always a warm welcome, plenty of their favourite foods and drinks, clean clothes, etc. When DSD first started her periods, I noticed she seemed embarrassed, so I bought her a covered basket to keep her sanitary protection and bits and pieces in. I have hardly neglected her but in return I get nothing, not even a hello or a goodbye. Her mother, whilst at least now civil, has in the past told mutual friends how much her daughter hates me. So you see it's years and years of being the outsider.

I read on MN scores of posts about MIL problems. These are rarely objected to, this situation is similar. She's a non-biological relation who I don't really get on with but who I try to for the sake of my husband. She's a child so it's not acceptable to dislike her, if a bit of my frustration appeared on an entirely anonymous forum then that's a shame. In real life that doesn't happen.

This thread is so triggering to me. My Dads girlfriend developed this irrational hatred towards me, before I’d ever even had a conversation with her. I was thankfully older than OPs DSD so don’t have to be around them but I can see so many parallels. The things you listed OP are so small. It’s pathetic. This isn’t an adult at work you’re dealing with, it’s a teenager being a rude teenager.

Her own kids are adults with kids of their own who are all basically No Contact with this woman so that tells you what kind of a parent she was to her own kids.

If you had your own kids who behaved like this you would be MUCH more forgiving but because they’re not yours you’re blowing up tiny events in your head, stewing on them as an excuse to dislike her.

I’m not meaning this in a nasty way OP but do you have friends/hobbies you could fill your time with? Have you ever heard the expression “your problems aren’t you real problems”? It means when you are stewing over tiny things you are unhappy with your life and the minor things aren’t the issue.