Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mad at step children on father’s day

358 replies

Herewegoagain123 · 16/06/2019 08:54

My darling step children really are something else. My husband is a great dad, does so much for them (as he should).

It’s their weekend with their mother but nevertheless they don’t live far away and we did see them the end of last week.

Eldest one is working and I gave him a little reminder - nothing, not even a text for his dad.

Youngest asked me to get her a gift and card (Following my reminder), I gave them to her and they are still sitting unwritten in her bedroom!

They are both prolific users of social media and not a single text or call.

I’m sad for DH. They’re old enough to know better.

OP posts:
ooooohbetty · 16/06/2019 09:20

My OH has had quite a few Father's Day's where his child hasn't got him as much as a card. It upsets him. I'd give them time OP.

KittyKK · 16/06/2019 09:20

I agree with PP that you have absolutely no idea if he’s a “great dad”. Let his children be the judge of that!

JacquesHammer · 16/06/2019 09:20

Have you thought about examining why you dislike them so much?

swingofthings · 16/06/2019 09:20

I've been up since 6am, only sent my dad a text and will call him this afternoon. I got him a nice card but forgot to post it, so hell get tomorrow! Im in my 40s! I love my dad so much. Parents divorced when I was 2yo and we've always been very close.

I've never expected to hear from my teenagers on mothers day until after 10/11am. It's only a day, they show me they appreciate me at different times in the year.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 16/06/2019 09:20

You may think he's a great dad, they may have very different ideas. Children usually do.

It's a commercial day, mine do a token gift but they do more during the year not when told to do so by the card shops.

Cornettoninja · 16/06/2019 09:21

What’s the point of making up imaginary scenarios to try and justify your annoyance? It’s irritating and undermines your point when you start whining about posts that literally do not exist (never mind referring to MN posters as a hive mind - pretty sure there’s a variety of opinions from individuals on here).

In my experience from teens to mid twenties kids just don’t think about it, they’re far to self-absorbed and busy with their own lives. That’s okay, they just need a nudge every now and then. They generally revert back to nicer people with age.

Ultimately your DH has the kids he has raised. If, for whatever reason, they don’t understand or choose to recognise something that’s important to him then it’s up to him to rectify it. Your role in this is to be his wife and support him, not fight his battles or offer critiques.

Sceptre86 · 16/06/2019 09:21

The day has just started for some of us! They still might ring, text or pop over to see their dad. I can understand you would feel for your dh if they don't but in the grand scheme of things their relationship with their dad is nothing to do with you.
Ps. I rang my dad just before he left for work today and have messaged my father in law too ( he wont be up till later when I will ring him). I enjoy basically any day to celebrate.

LovelyJubblee · 16/06/2019 09:21

I've only just got up myself and DS13 was waiting for me to surface before giving card to DH. Give them time plus it's not really your beef it's your DHs.

Treaclesweet · 16/06/2019 09:21

So noone made plans, and now you're angry there's no plans? Do you hate his kids all the time or just today?

Original poster
Herewegoagain123 · 16/06/2019 09:22

@JacquesHammer if I disliked them so much why would I buy them gifts to give to their father? Why do you attack me and assume you know better?

OP posts:
Ragwort · 16/06/2019 09:22

Why do so many step parents rant about their step children? Hmm.

My teenage DS is still in bed, he didn’t even buy his dad a card, I did and some chocolates which he will give to DH later. My DH isn’t stropping around because our 18 year old hasn’t got up to make him breakfast in bed.

I haven’t called my 89 year old Dad yet, we are having a family meal tonight and cards will be exchanged then.

I feel sorry for the unrealistic expectations people put on step children.

Happinessbegins · 16/06/2019 09:23

I was going to ask if you were in a different country with a time difference.

Stickytoffeepuddingyum · 16/06/2019 09:23

As everyone has said it still really early. I know by dsc won't ring their dad until this evening, if my lovely df was alive still he probably wouldn't get a call until the afternoon.

Nothing to do with sm not having an opinion but you're being ridiculous

Lweji · 16/06/2019 09:24

In fact, DS got me nothing on Mother's day, IIRC. But he's a good son every day. That means more to me than any card.
Let it go, OP.

Beautiful3 · 16/06/2019 09:24

How old are they? Also it's still very early! I'm sure they'll pop by later. If they don't turn up, don't get involved. Leave it, it's between them and their dad.

AJPTaylor · 16/06/2019 09:24

Dd1 and 3 aged 24 and 11 still in their rooms. Dh seems to be coping

Original poster
Herewegoagain123 · 16/06/2019 09:24

@Ragwort do you have any experience of step parenting?

OP posts:
user1487194234 · 16/06/2019 09:24

I don't really think this is your concern,surely it is a matter between your husband and his DC
I don't even get involved with what my own DC do for Father's Day and we all live together
And I always tell mine not to waste money buying me something on Mother's Day
If I was you I would put it out of your mind and focus on having a nice Sunday

Ghanagirl · 16/06/2019 09:25

@Herewegoagain123

Oh of course I should butt out as a step mum has no right to any opinion!
You posted “my darling stepchildren really are something else” as your opener so it’s pretty clear you don’t like them.
Why are you snooping through your step children’s social media first thing in the morning.
Why don’t you make your DH breakfast if you think he’s “flat”

Cornettoninja · 16/06/2019 09:26

Maybe your DH is ‘flat’ because you’re creating an atmosphere first thing in the morning with your annoyance at his kids. That’d get my back up too.

People rarely hide these things as well as they think they do.

happyhillock · 16/06/2019 09:27

God sake it's only 9.20am they'll still be in bed, if he doesn't get a call or a txt don't make a big deal of it you'll ruin his day, i think you need to grow up a bit and don't treat today as a problem if he doesn't hear anything from his kid's.

YoThePussy · 16/06/2019 09:28

I am in a minority it appears. OP, your eldest Step has presumably arisen from his pit for work so a text would not have come amiss. The younger even if feckless and pouting could have written the card last weekend.

I know it is all a money grabbing exercise to some but I always saw Mothering Sunday and Father’s Day as being a chance to say thank you to your parents for what they do for you.

Redissuereader · 16/06/2019 09:28

Herewego I have experience of step parenting and as my teenage step daughter is asleep in her room and my husband is asleep in our bed I can tell you I’m not the slightest bit annoyed she hasn’t texted him or woken him up yet

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 16/06/2019 09:29

Maybe your DH is ‘flat’ because you’re creating an atmosphere first thing in the morning with your annoyance at his kids. That’d get my back up too.

I would imagine that this is closer to the truth

SoupDragon · 16/06/2019 09:31

The only one of my teenagers I would expect to see or hear from at this hour is 13 yo DD. The others will not emerge from their pit until about noon (or beyond if I let them)