To be mad at step children on father’s day

[Herewegoagain123]

My darling step children really are something else. My husband is a great dad, does so much for them (as he should).

It’s their weekend with their mother but nevertheless they don’t live far away and we did see them the end of last week.

Eldest one is working and I gave him a little reminder - nothing, not even a text for his dad.

Youngest asked me to get her a gift and card (Following my reminder), I gave them to her and they are still sitting unwritten in her bedroom!

They are both prolific users of social media and not a single text or call.

I’m sad for DH. They’re old enough to know better.

My mother normally bought family presents etc as dad worked a lot. However one thing we were encouraged to do was to buy parents presents for MD, FD Xmas and birthdays.

The fact that your dsd visits her df regularly, needs to be told and have the present bought for her is an absolute disgrace.

My friend split with her ex but even though they are teens and he's not supported them she still made sure they get Df presents. He doesn't bother and when a couple of years ago they forgot their mother I couldn't help telling them both how hurtful that was for her and although it upset both of them they no longer forget.

@Herewegoagain123 Thankyou for giving a bit more detail. I know it's hard and there is the sensitivity of being the SM which can wrongfoot a lot of people. You're right, you shouldn't have to put up with shit behaviour but what you describe is very typical of teens. Mine behave like that and I pull them up on it every single day. But it doesn't and will not stop overnight. The difference is I'm their mum and have the security of that relationship.

For context my exH's gf has imo stepped over the line a few times and I've had to examine my motives when I've felt pissed off at some of the stuff she's done because I'm aware that I could be guilty of worrying that she gets to do all the fun stuff and looks like Mary poppins eow, while I'm the one doing all the real life parenting. its hard to remain objective from both sides and I do understand where your frustration comes from.

I speak to my kids all the time about being polite and respectful etc but part of the teen process seems to involve being a bit of a shit sometimes.

You have taken a fair bashing here op but this is the first post where you show the genuine frustration at your situation rather than it being solely directed at your SD - I feel for you and as I said before, it's full of shades of grey. Really, your DH sounds as though he should be stepping up in this situation rather than enabling your SD (with the whispering etc) but NR parents often find that hard as they don't want to be seen as the bad guy - it's a seductive trap.

Teens more than anyone need strong consistent boundaries and if you SCs parents aren't in agreement about stuff (a common problem) then this sort of dynamic can arise.

I do wish you the best of luck op and hope you can ride it out. Teenagers can be horrible and mine have reduced me to tears many times. She is still young. I hope things improve.

@Hithere12 If the thread is so triggering, might I suggest you do the sensible thing and leave? Instead you've been projecting in most your posts and have made assumptions about the OP based on your own experiences it seems.

If something like this is triggering you - you avoid it. It's that simple. There's no need for you to be putting yourself through it.

Thanks for that message. @Hithere12 I’m not your dad’s gf and your response is exactly the reason I didn’t give more detail earlier. The “that’s not enough of a problem” response isn’t really very constructive, it’s clearly enough of a problem to me to be an issue. Try being ignored and whispered about for years and years in your own home. Clearly DH has a role to play here too and this should have been addressed but that’s a whole other thread.

Why so angry? Aren't step parents are allowed to have the same frustrations as biological parents?

IMO the Op is showing she cares about the relationship between her DH and his kids, if she didn't why bother reminding them and buying gifts to give to their DF?

Although I must say Op is being a bit unreasonable, most kids aren't even going to be up before 9 on a Sunday.

I only messaged my dad at 10.30 as I thought he might be having a lie in and didn't want to disturb that especially on father's day

Yes, normal teenagers do behave like that. If my DD is out of order, she gets told to wind her neck in. However, when it's the SD's I feel it's not my place, but DH's. Maybe the OP feels this? Just because she isn't a biological parent doesn't mean she isn't allowed to be naffed off at bad behaviour.

Apologies...it was another poster who made the comment about neglect as her sister ignored mother's day.

In your recent post it's a bit clearer why you don't have a good relationship with your SC. Their mum had a negative attitude towards you.

I didn't like ppl my mum didn't like as a child and I wouldn't talk to them. I actually remember playing outside on our street (at about 4 yo) and falling down, yet when this woman my DM didn't like came to help me I shrugged her off and wouldn't let her touch me.

From your perspective, you say they were settled into the EOW routine when you met them .... but you really don't know how they felt.

My DB got divorced and when I asked he would tell me the DC were fine and okay with the split... no they weren't, as my Dniece would tell my DD she hated it and wished her mum and dad could get back together.

Children often want to please their parents, so they make out they're okay and a lot of parents are so focused on their own emotions during a split and neglect their DCs emotional needs or are probably unintentionally unaware of what they're going through.

If your DH doesn't express to them it bothers him..they won't think it does.

I would be disappointed if I didn't get a mother's day card from my DC and I would let them know without a doubt.

Minus the card issue, if they're by and large ungrateful and unappreciative of their parents,
then their parents are the ones to tackle the issue. As giving a card and being an ungrateful child the other 364 days of the year is pointless.

From my experience boys are also worse at remembering than girls, hence you even got a response from SD after your reminder.