Getting pregnant at age 47, chance is so negligible that I don't need to bother with the Map?

[TooOldForAllThatShit]

DH and I had a quickie this AM. Condom was empty but he definitely orgasmed. It was stuck inside me so he thinks the contents tipped out.

My super market chemist has run out of the morning after pill and the nearest one is a 15 minute drive away. I cba to go and spend £35 for nothing really and I'm exhausted after a 6 mile walk. I've also been on quite strong antibiotics for the last two weeks so not sure it will even work?

AIBU to think I don't need to worry too much at my age. DH is 50. We have 4 DC already. My periods are spacing further apart which indicates menopause approaching.

WWYD?

I got pregnant. That's inherently far riskier than a vasectomy.

My DH knew the risks and willingly took them on. As do the many, many, many men who daily undergo the procedure. Let's be honest it's a procedure - not an operation.

You can't get away from the fact that a man who opts out and leave it ALL entirely to his partner is a sub-standard specimen.

Also one takes on the risks of pregnancy and childbirth because- well you get a baby at the end and there isn't another easier way of achieving that aim. With vasectomy you get to have unprotected sex, there are other ways of achieving that and for me anyway that is less motivating than a planned and wanted baby.

You're still dealing with a sub-standard man who opts out entirely, and leaves it completely, 100% to you.

Decent men acknowledge what you've done or undergone, and step up to the plate.

FionasWineShow
If I don't want another child, then I take responsibility, not expect someone else to do it for me.
Which is why, when I was done with babies, I chose to be sterilised. lol this talk of men stepping up to have the snip is just bollocks 😂. If a woman does not want a pregnancy then they need to take responsibility for that decision.

All, not lol 🤣

*You're still dealing with a sub-standard man who opts out entirely, and leaves it completely, 100% to you.

Decent men acknowledge what you've done or undergone, and step up to the plate.*

Do you live in a 1950s sit com Fiona?

@Soontobe60 - some women are in loving, mutually satisfying relationships, with men who'd rather they undergo a simple procedure, instead of expecting their partner to undergo a major operation after she has already done all the hard yards.

Sorry if that doesn't apply to you.

FionasWineShow

Did you not want to get pregnant then?

If you did, and accepted the risks, then that's your choice.

If men accept the risks of vasectomy and still have it done then that's their choice.

What isn't right is anyone, man or woman, being pressured into doing something that they don't want to do.

A man for whom a 10% chance of developing chronic pain is unacceptable is not a sub standard specimen. There are other options that dont involve leaving it to his partner.

I have chronic pain. It has ruined my life and is something that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. For me, no.procedure is worth risking this for unless it is medically necessary and unavoidable.

In my relationship we make these decisions together. After last summer's issues we researched possible forms of contraception, we chose to try the one which apeared safest with fewest side effects. We were lucky it works for us, if it didn't we would reconsider and that would include vasectomy. How can or should a permanent operative procedure be considered the " default option" ?

with men who'd rather they undergo a simple procedure,

That's the thing - for 1 in 10 men it isn't a simple procedure, it leads to a debilitating condition.

And that 10% is only those who develop chronic pain. I don't not what the overall risk of complication is eg infection, complications during the procedure etc. What was the risk of complications that was given to your husband?

That goes for men and women.

Dictionary Definition of operation:
operation noun
4 : a procedure performed on a living body usually with instruments especially for the repair of damage or defect or the restoration of health.

An operation IS a procedure!

@FionasWineShow
My body, my choice, my responsibility. You really DO live in a 50's sit com don't you?
To insinuate that I don't have a mutually satisfying relationship because I'm happy to take responsibility for my own body is just pathetic. I knew I would never want another child, and if I could have, I would have had a hysterectomy! I'm not vapid enough to think 'oh I've done all the dangerous bit, let my brave husband do the next bit'. Even if he had done, I'd have probably stayed on the pill to be absolutely sure I never got pregnant again 🤣.
Each to their own, @Fiona, each to their own.

Why am I the one who lives in a '1950's sitcom', when you're the one who wouldn't dream of inconveniencing your poor little man, and instead expect to take the full responsibility yourself like a good stepford wife?

Welcome to the 21st century. You know there are decent men out there?

What isn't right is anyone, man or woman, being pressured into doing something that they don't want to do.

Where have I disagreed with this?

I've repeatedly said that decent men are happy, and willing, to do their share.

Had your husband been one of the 10% would you have accepted the end of your sex life at that point?

Would it still have seemed an acceptable risk to take?

If he'd had to give up work because of the pain - still an acceptable risk?

I've repeatedly said that decent men are happy, and willing, to do their share.

Why does "doing their share" only mean having surgery?

Why can't they wear condoms?

He wasn't though, was he?

And neither were any of the other men who I know who've had it done.

9 out of 10 men are juuuuust fine.

That's 9 out of 10, compared with 1 out of 10.

Childbirth comes with the risk of death.

Why can't they wear condoms?

Because condoms are a faff, and the risk is pregnancy?

Why can't they wear condoms?

You do realise that if a condom fails, it's the woman that bears 100% of the risk, right...?

He wasn't what?

And again, yes pregnancy carries a risk. If a woman doesn't accept that risk then of course they can decide not to have children. That is their choice and no one should pressure them to have a child by saying that decent women would have one willingly, should they?

If a man chooses to have a vasectomy then good for him. Equally, if he decides a 10% risk if a life changing complication is unacceptable then that's his choice too.

He wasn't one of the 10% - that's the question you asked me.

I'm sorry you have to defend a sub-standard man not willing to do it. Your choice.

Equally, if he decides a 10% risk if a life changing complication is unacceptable then that's his choice too.

It's a pathetic choice, because by opting out, he forces his partner to take 100% of the load.

Sorry you have to defend this position - it's an unenviable one.

I hope the OP got her morning after pill.

Just wanted to correct those that say don’t worry you’ve got 72hrs/5 days - the license of these products is for that long post sex.
However they work by delaying ovulation so if that process has already started then they won’t work no matter if you took them 20mins after sex or 72hrs later. Mid cycle sex is very risky and the MAP is unlikely to work.

If you really don’t want to be pregnant then the emergency copper coil is 10 x more effective and can be used up to 5 days later (sometimes longer depending on cycle) then you can keep it in for ongoing contraception after.

I would not take a 1% risk when the MAP is a short drive away!

Better to have peace of mind and then you can get on with enjoying your week. :D