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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter squirted a little juice over another buggy

464 replies

Millymollymandybestie · 15/06/2019 12:51

So I have just been to the park with my dd 3 and ds 20 months. Getting ready to leave and trying to put my buggy refusing ds in the buggy and he’s really struggling.

Dd has global development delay and suspected asd. I had her on her reigns looped over the buggy while I was sorting my son out. She was drinking a drink from a sports bottle and while I was turned away she squirted the empty buggy next to me. I said dd don’t do that and continued to get ds in buggy but moved dd away. And was going to dry the other buggy when they were both secure.

The owner of the buggy came over said to me - you just watched you daughter squirt that all over my buggy. I said I am sorry and I was trying to get ds in the buggy when she did it, and that moved dd out of way and dealing with dd before I Could sort out what mess she made. She said that wasn’t good enough. I said I’ve apologised and not much more I can do.

The way she was with me she was so rude- her mannerisms and tone. You could see I had tried to deal with the situation and you can tell my dd isn’t your average 3 year old. If it was me I would have just said don’t worry that’s what kids do ?

Stuff like this is one of the reasons dh hates taking the kids out.

Sorry rant over. It may seem like a silly little thing but I just don’t think there is any need to be rude

OP posts:
Sirzy · 15/06/2019 15:59

But day to day use even with the best will in the world no buggy is going to stay immaculate unless you avoid doing things (like putting the child in it) just to keep it immaculate

Original poster
Millymollymandybestie · 15/06/2019 15:59

bahumbug you reading into into to much. If I didn’t put my son in the vbuggy he would have run off potentially towards the gate again while I was pay attention to her buggy rather than my son

OP posts:
whiteroseredrose · 15/06/2019 15:59

I think she might have been annoyed because your DD was still holding the juice. After the squirt I'd have taken it off her rather so that she couldn't do it again than just tell her to stop which she might ignore.

Sleepyblueocean · 15/06/2019 16:01

So you don't go to any muddy or sandy places in it.

magicfarawaytrees · 15/06/2019 16:15

I’d be well pissed off about this, I’m not going to lie. My pram cost a fortune and I intend on reusing it and I have ensured my own child doesn’t trash it. So to watch someone else’s child do it and the parent not seem even bothered... well I’d be very upset. The sports bottle should have been put away before... water would be fine obviously.

Lilyannarose · 15/06/2019 16:22

Here's how I would have reacted if I'd been the other mum.
I would have smiled and said "Don't worry about it. These things happen. My children have all done that one!".
I then would have got a wipe and cleaned it up (and yes that's even when I'm having a really shitty day!!).

OP did the right thing. She dealt with her children first and made sure they were safe. Then apologised.

ChicCroissant · 15/06/2019 16:23

Did you actually clean the other buggy up, or just go off in a huff when she spoke to you about it, OP? I wouldn't be too impressed either if someone wet the seat of a buggy.

purpleboy · 15/06/2019 16:24

Surely she could of had a little patience? If I was other mum I would give you the opportunity to rectify the situation before I jump in? If she watched you walk away without cleaning fair enough she has every right, if she watched you get child in buggy and you continue to not address the situation ie feeding snacks or whatever again she is within her rights to say something, but if it went down how you describe she could of given you the time to sort child out and then clean buggy.
But I do agree it would of been better for you to try to look around to see parent and just shout you'll clean in so she knows you have the intention.
I don't think you did anything wrong, but I also see wats the situation could of been handled without it escalating. Might be worth bearing this in mind for future so you don't come across more impatient mothers.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 15/06/2019 16:27

I'd have been cross too. Juice is sticky and can stain.

Of course she was cross, it was a deliver act and you didn't even try and clean it. You can't just say it's what children do.

Lizzie48 · 15/06/2019 16:30

It you'd all read the thread properly, the OP says the other mum shouted at her before she had the chance to clean up after her DD, she had had every intention of cleaning it up.

And she says it was a drop of juice, the bottle was still nearly full. So the other buggy wouldn't have been soaked.

I couldn't imagine being livid, for goodness sake. A little annoyed possibly, depending on how stressed I was at the time, but livid?? Over a couple of drops of juice? Come on!

Lizzie48 · 15/06/2019 16:32

IceCream, how many times can the OP say she had every intention of cleaning it up?? She was making sure her DC were safe first!

Dungeondragon15 · 15/06/2019 16:32

Whilst I agree that she was over the top I think most people would be annoyed if they saw a child squirting a drink on their child's buggy and the mother appearing to do little about it. I don't think I would have given my child a drink in the first place if I wasn't in a position to supervise them if they were still at the stage where they might chuck it somewhere. I also think you could have removed the drink from her after you saw her squirting it and not given it back until you had finished sorting out your ds.

TeamUnicorn · 15/06/2019 16:32

From your side of the story YANBU, I am sure if I heard her side of the story I would probably think she wasn't BU either.

Somewhere else there is probably the other woman sharing her side of the story and everyone will be saying that it is you BU.

Life is hard for many, many are dealing with their own battles, so sometimes you just have to let things go.

Lilyannarose · 15/06/2019 16:33

Believe me, life is way too short to get worked up over a bit of spilt juice. In the grand scheme of things it's something that can easily be rectified.
Yes it was unfortunate and no-one would be ecstatic about it, but it doesn't hurt to show a little compassion and understanding.
What was the OP supposed to do? Drop to her knees and launch into an almighty speech begging for forgiveness?
She apologised. Life goes on.

TheVanguardSix · 15/06/2019 16:35

Oh heavens! Life is short. My own kids puked and the dog and cat shat in their buggies. What can you do? I mean, how many times did my kids spill their own juice in their buggies?
It is really, really, really no big deal, OP.
Maybe she was a strung out, tired mum who just thought, "Fuck. I could do without this!" I've been that mum where I've overreacted to stuff that really, in the great scheme of things, is no big deal.

Always offer wipes and apologies. Tired, strung-out mums need to stick together!

Lizzie48 · 15/06/2019 16:36

Either way, it isn't something to get stressed over. She won't have known that your DD has SN. I don't think I would have done before I adopted my DD with SN and realised that some special needs can't be easily spotted by someone who doesn't understand them.

Whoops75 · 15/06/2019 16:36

Hopefully next time her child does something wrong another mum will be as awful to her so she gets her karma

I try to apply this to my handling of kids behavior/actions/noise etc
Could be me next time and patience and kindness costs nothing.

She also could be feeling crappy about her reaction, she could have been having a crap day.

Breathe in and when you breathe out imagine it’s gone- poof vanished

X

pokepoke · 15/06/2019 16:40

Tbh I would be annoyed about this as juice can stain, my kid would kick up a fuss about sitting in it if it was wet (so would make for a difficult journey home). I also look after my buggy so the seat itself is pretty spotless.

I'm not sure if I would also notice a kid with global development delay if I was focused on inspecting the buggy and talking to the parent so given what she said, she probably thought that you just said a token 'you shouldn't do that' to your daughter. If she didn't realise the development delay, she may have expected you to encourage your child to apologise as that is what I would have done after making my own apology and offer to wipe it.

However, she was clearly being standoffish from what you've said but maybe she was also having a stressful and tiring day - this occasion adding to it.

IHaveBrilloHair · 15/06/2019 16:40

Omg, all this hand wringing over a bit of juice.
I'm beginning to think some of you don't have children, but actually those reborn doll things.

AlaskanOilBaron · 15/06/2019 16:41

It's entirely subjective.

You say it's 'a little' - if it was a stream of juice that went on for several seconds, I'd have been annoyed too. She didn't know that your daughter has ASD, and maybe she avoids juice because she thinks it's a sticky mess.

A quick sincere apology & my irritation would melt away; if not, it wouldn't. That's generally how humans operate.

In any case, it's not a big deal and you should forget about it.

EL8888 · 15/06/2019 16:45

If some one else’s child made my buggy sticky and wet with juice deliberately then yeah l would be annoyed. Also if the child was not reminded that is unacceptable behaviour, particularly to someone else’s belongings

squeekywheel · 15/06/2019 16:45

@NCbilliontimes

" My buggy cost nearly £1800 and I keep it immaculate"

So did mine. After three years of hard use it looks a bit battered, been repaired (by me) a couple of times and has a few stubborn stains.

It's a buggy. That's what it's for, you strange individual!

Anyway, OP: YADNBU. Some people treat parenthood as a cross between a fashion show and a contest of conspicuous consumption. They see adverts and websites with perfect glossy images and try to copy them- and nothing, absolutely nothing else matters. It's bloody scary.

toriathet · 15/06/2019 16:52

if you child has asd and any other disabilities tbh you will have years of judgment and shitty comments to come
in our experience the older generation has been the worse for unwanted advice

i have a 8 y old with 7 separate disabilities(mentally 4 and non verbal till 6 and half so only been talking 18 months) and a 14 y old with 8(he still needs 24 hour care) and ive had comments and arguments and unwanted advice since oldest was 2,we got it even more as both my kids were way bigger than average since birth

majority of parents to kids with out sen dont have a clue and expect you to parent the same as them and for your child to understand,even worse if you follow a diffrent approach(we follow the attachment/gentle parenting approach)

your did the right thing a disabled childs needs comes before anything else,at 3 my youngest was a bolter(still is on occasions) and was way to big for a pram so just used to run if things got to much for him

is there no organizations or special groups around you?i found ours on facebook last year,its been going for years and i didnt know

its set up for all disabilities and there is no judgment or issues at all(many run around in nappies or just pants)and we have had new parent cry from relief of being accepted and not judged

NCbilliontimes · 15/06/2019 16:53

Bollocks!

Looking after my stuff that I work hard to pay for doesn’t make me strange 🙄

Sirzy · 15/06/2019 16:56

So answer what people have asked - do you not go anywhere where there may be a bit of mud? Or people?

Trying to keep a prank immaculate is bonkers! Clean and in decent condition is one thing but prams are designed to be used therefore don’t stay immaculate