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AIBU?

Bridesmaid posted a photo of my dress on Facebook

829 replies

Titsntats · 15/06/2019 07:21

I know I probably am but just wanted to hear others opinions on whether they would be sad about it or if I just need to get a grip!

Getting married soon and after trying on a lot of different dresses I finally found the one, something I never thought I would due to being very body conscious and anxious. Went back for final fitting at the weekend and took one of my bridesmaids as she wanted to see

After finishing the appointment and getting home I saw that she had posted a photo of me in the dress on Facebook (during the appointment so it had already been on an hour or two when I saw it) and tagged my partner in it saying she bets he couldn’t wait to marry me and how lovely my dress is. When I asked her to remove it her response was ‘it doesn’t matter if he’s seen it he’s a man so he will have forgotten what it looks like in 5 minutes time’. My dad had also seen it as well and it was going to be a surprise for him on the day too

I just don’t know what to do or how to feel! I am so gutted that it now won’t be a surprise to my partner or my dad. She knew how much that meant to me and the only thing I had asked for was that details of how I will look on the day were kept a surprise from my dad and partner. As I paid in instalments the dress is now fully paid for and I don’t have time to get another one and do all the alterations etc. Someone tell me I will stop feeling like this soon!

OP posts:

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TheStruth · 15/06/2019 07:37

And if she's not taken it down then make an angry comment on it!

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EmmaGrundyForPM · 15/06/2019 07:38

I'm another one who personally can't get fussed about wedding dresses but I think she has behaved horribly. No one does this unless they are a complete bitch.

I would sack her and explain why. No one would blame you.

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bananasandwicheseveryday · 15/06/2019 07:39

How spiteful of her. Like pps, I often find myself rolling my eyes at some of the wedding threads on here, but this would really have annoyed me. It was always considered traditional that the groom, certainly, and possibly anybody other than the bride, her mother and MOH/chief bridesmaid, did not see the dress until the wedding.
It was not her decision to make and I would definitely be telling her that she is so lo her welcome at my wedding.
Is there anything about the dress that you can alter slightly , or any accessories that can be adjusted?
I hope this doesn't spoil your whole day, OP.

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InsertFunnyUsername · 15/06/2019 07:39

That is awful behaviour. I refuse to believe she did it innocently, even if you don't believe it yourself, surely everyone knows that some brides like to keep the dress away from the groom. Let alone the whole of fb

FWIW OP, I imagine the dress is even more beautiful in real life and this won't matter after the wedding.

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TheInvisibleMrsCrane · 15/06/2019 07:40

What was she thinking? She needs to go.

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sparklefarts · 15/06/2019 07:40

Wow! Properly shocking behaviour from her, definitely sack as bridesmaid.

OP, I'd be careful though with this thread though , the shitty Daily fail will be cumming in their pants over this one

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welliesarefuntowear · 15/06/2019 07:41

Just for context I have never been married and am just coming out of a decades long relationship. What an awful person she is. However, you cannot let this ruin your day, but don't let her minimise it. Terrible behaviour.

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Mummyoflittledragon · 15/06/2019 07:41

I was also a super laid back bride. This is beyond the pale. Her reaction really says it all. I agree with others, sack her. She isn’t your friend. Friends apologise when they cock up. They don’t blame you.

Had she apologised and done it unthinkingly and on the spur of the moment, that would be different. This is sabotage.

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FrankT · 15/06/2019 07:41

You are not being unreasonable! Who does that?!

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DarklyDreamingDexter · 15/06/2019 07:43

I'm usually one of the first to call out a bridezilla and say they are being precious....but you are absolutely justified in being upset and indeed FUMING!! Everyone knows the bride's dress is normally kept secret from the groom and indeed most people except the close friends/relatives who helped choose it. The bride's dress coming down the aisle is usually the big reveal and 'wow' moment and she has tried to steal it from you.

What a total bitch. Who is she? Friend, sister, other relative? Has she got form for this? You don't normally have to ask for it to be kept secret, it's normally totally understood by all. Unless she's a stupid 12-year-old relative who's a bit clueless on adult social norms, I'd seriously be binning her off as bridesmaid. Absolutely not acceptable.

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Oysterbabe · 15/06/2019 07:43

Was she sorry?

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Passthecherrycoke · 15/06/2019 07:43

I would sack her and tbh change the dress

OP don’t worry- everyone who saw it will be thinking what an utter cunt she is

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MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue · 15/06/2019 07:43

I often read these kind of threads and thinking the OP is totally over reacting. But not in this case!!! I'm shocked anyone would do that! Definitely agree that was done purposely and spitefully. Even if you are not "a wedding person" there is no one in the world who doesn't know that it's tradition for the dress to be kept a surprise for the big day! And tagging the groom?! Wtf?!

She's a nasty piece of work. I'd be ditching her as a bridesmaid and a friend.

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CaptainMyCaptain · 15/06/2019 07:44

Definitely sack her.

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MashedSpud · 15/06/2019 07:44

Why would someone do this? Is she 15 or 16 with not a lot of knowledge on how weddings work or is she just a narcissist bitch?

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cantfindname · 15/06/2019 07:45

What a nasty spiteful little bitch!! Is she jealous that you are getting married?

Try to put it behind you and have a wonderful, memorable day.

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CheeseCakeSunflowers · 15/06/2019 07:45

Your wedding will still be wonderful but yes, I would also be furious about this. My main concern now would be, will she be sharing every moment of the wedding morning as you get ready. If she remains bridesmaid then I would either insist her mobile is surrendered until a point where you are happy to have pictures put up or she gets ready elsewhere and only meets you at the church/wedding venue. If she doesn't agree to these terms then she's out.

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mmgirish · 15/06/2019 07:46

What!!! Crazy behaviour on her part. What a weird thing for her to do.

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ElspethFlashman · 15/06/2019 07:47

I was the most relaxed bride ever and I would have felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach if that happened to me.

And I don't think I would have known what to do! If the bridesmaid was family, I'd have sucked it up and kept her to keep the drama from exploding across the whole family BUT my relationship with her would be very wary from then on and no way would I have asked her to organise anything else and would just have considered her an afterthought.

If she was a "friend" and firing her wouldn't cause family drama, I'd definitely have told her her services were no longer required but she could come to the wedding as a guest if she wanted.

Either way, consider the friendship very very damaged and be wary as fuck of this girl. She is not your pal. She doesn't give a flying fuck about you.

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IStillMissBlockbuster · 15/06/2019 07:47

She doesn't sound the least bit apologetic, did you ask why she did it? I hate to overreact but it sounds like she did it just to spite you.

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CurlyWurlyTwirly · 15/06/2019 07:47

She is a Nast cow. Echo everyone. Get rid of her and uninvite her to the wedding. The brides dress is a secret. It’s one of those unspoken rules everyone knows like the Tooth Fairy or Santa Claus.

You will look beautiful and have a wonderful day x

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ElsieMc · 15/06/2019 07:48

What a horrible person she is. She has completely breached your trust. You have saved for your dress, paid for it in instalments and felt happy and proud with it and wanted to share it with your dad and partner. She has tried to spoil this for you.

Get rid of her now. You can never trust her again. Find someone trustworthy and kind to be your bridesmaid.

From some threads on here, bridesmaids can cause so much trouble. My dd married last week and she had her sister and an old friend both of whom were trustworthy and loyal to her, realising the day was not about them. They looked gorgeous, she looked absolutely gorgeous end of. You will too and deserve much better than her.

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Rainbowqueeen · 15/06/2019 07:49

op. That would be really upsetting

I would also tell her that she needs to step down as bridesmaid.
Do you need any help composing a message? Someone here will have the words you want.
Congrats on your wedding,I hope you have a wonderful day

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Handsoffmysweets · 15/06/2019 07:49

She’s an attention seeking cunt and she wouldn’t be coming to my wedding any longer. Vile POS.

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CuriousaboutSamphire · 15/06/2019 07:49

Someone tell me I will stop feeling like this soon! Sadly I don't think you will ever completely forget that feeling of "Oh fuck!" when you first realised what she had done.

Nor will you ever forget here " So what?" response.

You have couple of options, including just carrying on as if nothing has happened.

But nobody who loves you would be critical if you sacked her as a bridesmaid and a friend. What she did is so very unusual that it seems, from out here, to be a nasty, deliberate act of sabotage and hurt.

But could you go back to the dress shop and ask them if they can help? If you explain what has happened they may be able to do something, from adding something to the dress to exchanging it for another. It won't hurt to ask for their help, they can only say no!

Good luck, whatver you decide. And DO NOT let her take up any more brain space. Concentrate on people who love you and getting married and being happy

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