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Bridesmaid posted a photo of my dress on Facebook

829 replies

Titsntats · 15/06/2019 07:21

I know I probably am but just wanted to hear others opinions on whether they would be sad about it or if I just need to get a grip!

Getting married soon and after trying on a lot of different dresses I finally found the one, something I never thought I would due to being very body conscious and anxious. Went back for final fitting at the weekend and took one of my bridesmaids as she wanted to see

After finishing the appointment and getting home I saw that she had posted a photo of me in the dress on Facebook (during the appointment so it had already been on an hour or two when I saw it) and tagged my partner in it saying she bets he couldn’t wait to marry me and how lovely my dress is. When I asked her to remove it her response was ‘it doesn’t matter if he’s seen it he’s a man so he will have forgotten what it looks like in 5 minutes time’. My dad had also seen it as well and it was going to be a surprise for him on the day too

I just don’t know what to do or how to feel! I am so gutted that it now won’t be a surprise to my partner or my dad. She knew how much that meant to me and the only thing I had asked for was that details of how I will look on the day were kept a surprise from my dad and partner. As I paid in instalments the dress is now fully paid for and I don’t have time to get another one and do all the alterations etc. Someone tell me I will stop feeling like this soon!

OP posts:
XXVaginaAndAUterus · 15/06/2019 08:18

I'm joining in the chorus here and I'm not precious, and I always give people the benefit of the doubt. Everybody knows that the bride's dress is always kept a secret, and even if one person didn't, the "great reveal on Facebook" ( Hmm ) is so very obviously for the bride to do, not her sodding bridesmaid. She was also told at the time she took the photos that it was a secret, and when alerted to the fact that you were upset and wanted her to take it down, she dismissed your feelings and refused. There is just no way that her actions are an innocent mistake.

At this point I'd publicly shame her with a Facebook reply to the photo; "[name] I told you when we were at the fitting that the dress was a surprise for my partner and my dad to see on the day. It's also very common knowledge that this is the usual wishes of most bridal parties. You posted and tagged this photo regardless. When I text you telling you this had upset me and asking you to remove it you dismissed my feelings and refused. I'm now telling you. Take. This. Down."

I'd sack her too, but that's up to you.

But at the end of the day, it's YOUR wonderful dress. Your fiancee and your dad will LOVE seeing you in person in it for the first time; with your hair, make up, accessories and wonderful excited glow on the wedding day. You will still love the dress because it is your wonderful perfect dress and you're getting married to the man you love in it and nothing else matters. Go forth and have a wonderful wedding day. ❤❤❤

Cuppa12345 · 15/06/2019 08:20

daily mail are cunts

Im so laid back I'm almost horizontal and fuck me, I'd be livid.

BumandChips · 15/06/2019 08:20


Bye bye bridesmaid.

FancyAPint · 15/06/2019 08:20


AlwaysCheddar · 15/06/2019 08:22

I hope she’s taken it down! What a cow! I’d be livid to.

IAmDetermined · 15/06/2019 08:23

I agree with the others! I am very relaxed about weddings, don't care if people wear white etc and am not one for tradition but WOW she was out of line! It's your special dress and you want to feel it is a surprise, I just cannot believe she did this and then refused to take it down. Honestly, is she a bit of a frenemy now that you think about it? Does she have form for not really considering anybody else's feelings? If so, then honestly I would be asking her to step down. I couldn't be friends with someone like that. At the very least, she should have apologised and taken it straight down even if she didn't understand the problem.

That aside, you don't need to change the dress. A dressing room photo is very different to on the day, with all your hair etc done. Although people will look forward to seeing your dress, it won't mean as much to them as to you and they won't remember the detail of it from the photo. So don't let it ruin your day! You will still have a fabulous time Thanks

mossmurray · 15/06/2019 08:23

What she did was seriously spiteful op. You have every right to feel really upset, there is no excuse for anyone to do this

CruellaFeinberg · 15/06/2019 08:24

@Titsntats I would do as a pp suggested, post a pic on her post saying this is what an ex Bm looks like

littlebillie · 15/06/2019 08:25

Some wedding requests no social media I would gently tell her that's going to be your policy. Also why do you allow people to tag you without prior vetting. I would not let myself be tagged in anything

LuluBellaBlue · 15/06/2019 08:25

Sorry but she’s not a kind person nor a friend Sad xxxx

Chimpd0g · 15/06/2019 08:25

As others have said, it's attention seeking and one of the reasons I hate facebook so much. It's all about me me me.
Sorry she did this OP, with make up & hair you will still wow everyone

Janus · 15/06/2019 08:25

How long ago was this? I’d INSIST she take the photo down. Is there any chance Dad and htb have t seen the photo? Can you ask Dad not to look if so?
Seriously, I’m so laid back but I’d be furious over this. I honestly think I would bin the friendship as she doesn’t think about your feelings at all so what’s the point of this friendship?

Cornishclio · 15/06/2019 08:25

You have every right to be upset and I would think seriously about whether you still wanted this "friend" as a bridesmaid. Is she a family member?

Don't let it spoil your day though. In the grand scheme of things this will fade into the background. We sometimes place such emphasis on the trappings of a wedding like the venue, dress etc but it is not the thing you will remember looking back. It is your family, friends and fiancé who will make the day for you. Your dad will remember holding you as a baby and take joy in the fact he gets to walk you down the aisle to get married. Seeing the dress beforehand won't take away from that. This is the beginning of the next phase of your life together with your fiancé so don't let it start on a bad note by thinking the day is spoilt. It won't be.

Having said all that I don't know if your bridesmaid is thoughtless or wanted to sabotage your day on purpose but I would think seriously if you still want her in your life given she does not appear to show any remorse.

blackcat86 · 15/06/2019 08:25

Oh no, I'm so sorry OP. I was really relaxed about our wedding but the only dress pics were on my phone to match other bits to. My DM and MIL have literally no boundaries but even they knew to keep hush! Can you comment on her post? I would leave a comment of how hurt and upset I am that this has been shared with the world and then turn off notifications. She would be dead to me after this.

Spiceupyourlife · 15/06/2019 08:26

YANBU I was recently married and potentially the least ‘bridezilla’ in the world (the wedding planner event commented to my mum how unusually chilled I was)

Who does that? It’s common knowledge that you don’t do that!

You NEED to dismiss her as a bridesmaid regardless of what she says as I would be very concerned that there’s perhaps a jealousy issue and she will go out of her way to do something like this again!

Celticrose · 15/06/2019 08:27

name] I told you when we were at the fitting that the dress was a surprise for my partner and my dad to see on the day. It's also very common knowledge that this is the usual wishes of most bridal parties. You posted and tagged this photo regardless. When I text you telling you this had upset me and asking you to remove it you dismissed my feelings and refused. I'm now telling you. Take. This. Down."

This. Please send her this

CremantDeLoireSocialist · 15/06/2019 08:28

I'm feeling a bit sorry for the bridesmaid. The replies on here are so angry and judgemental. Could she just be clueless?

OP, you know her so you can judge whether she is likely to be being mean or if it was just poor judgement . Have a wonderful day regardless, it really won't matter.

FWIW, I had no idea wedding dressses were a secret. Yet another thing "everyone knows" on Mumsnet. I am married as well.

MsMarvellous · 15/06/2019 08:29

What a bitch. I agree with everyone else, she is mote interested in her likes and the attention being on her than supporting you. I don't know that I'd want that person as a bridesmaid.

ElektraUnchained · 15/06/2019 08:29

I am v laid back about stuff in general but this would mean she was uninvited for me. It is deliberately nasty behaviour I would not tolerate. I would spend the wedding day worrying about if she was to pull another spiteful trick.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 15/06/2019 08:30

Is she very young? In her teens? So maybe doesn't know wedding etiquette.

Otherwise she's just a bitch

RedPink · 15/06/2019 08:30

This is soooo going to be in the Daily Fail.......

LellyMcKelly · 15/06/2019 08:31

That’s appalling, spiteful and bitchy behaviour. Keep the dress, ditch the so called friend. Is she jealous of you?

IDontDrinkTea · 15/06/2019 08:32

I’m actually speechless. She’s a nasty piece of work

Trooperslaneagain · 15/06/2019 08:32

OP agree with everyone else.

I'm a bit of a people pleaser generally but this would push me over the edge. I'd also post something incriminating on the picture to let everyone know how upset you are.

She's no friend to you.

But...... the most important thing is the marriage and your OH. As PP said, focus on this, not on the dress.

Please report back. And hugs for you.

Poloshot · 15/06/2019 08:33

That is unbelievable. She would no longer be a bridesmaid

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