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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am a cow

154 replies

Iamnotagoddess · 13/06/2019 21:28

DH comes home every weekend and goes away for extended periods.

This means our relationship takes a lot of effort. The last 4 weeks he has come home unwell with a cold he can’t shake, blocked ears and a hacking cough (admitted he has started smoking again which has annoyed me) and really really grumpy and unpleasant with it.

Has arrived home on a Thursday and immediately taken to bed.

He hasn’t been off work or been to the GP which is what I am told to do when unwell.

Tonight he has rocked up with a migraine and phoned me during the journey to tell me he had thrown up, then had a go because I was unsympathetic (I am not the most sympathetic person with illness anyway).

He has come home and gone to bed again.

We are going to a once in a lifetime concert this weekend.

AIBU to feel totally fucked off the 4th or 5th weekend in a row he’s unwell, again and have absolutely no (even pretend) sympathy.

I know I am but ARGH!!!

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 13/06/2019 21:36

It sounds like he's over worked and run down.

Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 13/06/2019 21:39

Not really, he only has himself to think of in the week and has a nap when he gets in fro work at 4:30.

OP posts:
fc301 · 13/06/2019 21:44

YABU
Wake up and count your blessings.

Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 13/06/2019 21:47

My “blessings” Grin

Apologies I should have put “lighthearted” in the title Smile

OP posts:
justanswerthephone · 13/06/2019 21:50

You are annoyed at him for being unwell?

I would be concerned if my DH was Ill so often.

fc301 · 13/06/2019 21:51

I'm outta here

Goodenough06 · 13/06/2019 21:52

I get you, OP. My husband is only home every other weekend whilst I'm here, pregnant and looking after toddler. He often comes home and goes straight to bed with a migraine. I really feel for him as he IS run down and over worked...but also ARGH! I need some support. It's a real effort to not feel angry sometimes!

Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 13/06/2019 21:54

He’s not ill that often.

He had a cold which dragged on for weeks and he did very little about other than moan and he has come home unwell again.

He’s horrible when he is unwell. All the time I have spent with him the last 5 weeks has been absolutely crap. Luckily we don’t have his children this weekend.

I feel tired and drained and it’s yet again all about him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 13/06/2019 21:55

@Goodenough06

Exactly Sad

OP posts:
chipscheesegravy · 13/06/2019 21:56

I see what you're saying OP. Sounds like he's just being moany and doesn't really want to spend time with you. Perhaps have a frank conversation about what's going on as perhaps there's more to it x

sonjadog · 13/06/2019 21:56

He sounds like he is really run down.

Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 13/06/2019 21:58

He wouldn’t fly to see me every weekend if he didn’t want to spend time with me.

OP posts:
codemonkey · 13/06/2019 21:59

I'd be pissed off if my DH had a) started smoking again and b) didn't make any effort to visit the GP when he was ill so I totally get it, OP.

Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 13/06/2019 22:00

He’s not run down, he sleeps forever when he is at work.

He has had this cold yes but he has taken absolutely no steps to help himself.

He often claims he has gone to sleep as soon as he has got back so he is notvrun down.

OP posts:
MondeoFan · 13/06/2019 22:02

I'd feel a bit sorry for him but would be totally unsympathetic if it's smoking related or made worse by smoking

Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 13/06/2019 22:06

I asked him to go into the spare room as I have work tomorrow but he is in our bed snoring his head off (he has a fucking sleep apnea machine) so will have to wake him up before I go to bed argh it’s so crap and we haven’t had sex in weeks which he moans about.

He’s a grumpy horrible fuck then moans that I don’t find him irresistible come bedtime Hmm

OP posts:
ineedaknittedhat · 13/06/2019 22:52

What would you do if it transpired that he was seriously ill? It sounds as though there might be something wrong with him. You could very well be missing something.

Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 13/06/2019 22:54

He is not seriously ill Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 13/06/2019 22:55

He has pretty regular medical checks at work as part of his job.

OP posts:
justanswerthephone · 13/06/2019 22:58

I asked him to go into the spare room as I have work tomorrow but he is in our bed snoring his head off (he has a fucking sleep apnea machine) so will have to wake him up before I go to bed

Given he is unwell perhaps it would be an idea to leave him sleeping and you take the spare room?

Tavannach · 13/06/2019 22:59

He’s not run down, he sleeps forever when he is at work.

Exhausted with a hacking cough? GP asap.
Run his symptoms past 111 if you don't think he might be I'll. He's obviously unwell.

Tavannach · 13/06/2019 23:00

ill

Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 13/06/2019 23:01

All my clothes and make up are in our room and the orthopaedic mattress for my back.

So I would go into our room at 6am and wake him up.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 13/06/2019 23:03

He’s not “exhausted” he’s been in the forces for 27 years and completely used to doing whatever the fuck he wants on base after work.

OP posts:
paddington34 · 13/06/2019 23:07

Reading your updates I am inclined to agree with your title.